It all started over this column by John Doyle, of the Toronto-based nationwide newspaper, The Globe and Mail:
Beauty. Bring it on, I say. We're all in need of a good laugh. The barking-mad Fox News Channel is something that most Canadians have only heard about. It's time we saw it for ourselves, and made up our own minds about the phenomenon. We'll find out if this Bill O'Reilly fella is as stupendously pompous and preening as he appears to be in the rare clips we see of Fox News.
Me, I've seen the Fox News Channel on visits to the United States. It is a splendid thing entirely. You have no idea how funny it is. The Fox News Channel is a kind of live theatre of the airwaves, with right-wing pundits playing journalists in an ongoing soap opera. In this soap opera there are good guys and bad guys. The bad guys are the Democratic Party and a dark force that is sometimes known as The Liberal Media Elite and sometimes known as The Loony Left.
...
They're saving civilization, so they are definitely going to get pretty mad.
The Fox News slogan is 'Fair and Balanced,' which it obviously isn't. It's a tip-off that you're not supposed to take it seriously. The slogan is a joke, a raspberry blown at every other news channel. It's tongue-in-cheek.
Please bring it soon. It will be a tonic for all of us and make us realize how different our TV news services are in Canada.
Then, two days later, we get another column from Mr. Doyle:
I've never been called 'a douche-nozzle' before. At least, not that I know about anyway. The insult came from one supporter of the Fox News Channel.
But then I don't think The Globe and Mail has ever been called 'the far-left Toronto Globe and Mail' before. That's what this great newspaper was called by Bill O'Reilly on the Fox News Channel on Monday night.
Reacting to my column, which cheerfully suggested that the proposal to bring the Fox News Channel to Canada should be acted upon promptly, so that we can all take a look, and get a laugh, O'Reilly gave us a Fox-style whacking. In his segment The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day, he quoted from my column (which called him 'pompous'), dismissed The Globe as a lefty outfit and said, 'Hey you pinheads up there, I may be pompous, but at least I'm honest.'
...
Spurred by O'Reilly's remarks, dozens of Fox News viewers wrote to me.
...
I lost count of the number of times I was called 'an a**hole.' It was at least 43 times, anyway. I was called 'a pussy,' 'a wussy,' 'a pr**k,' 'a jerk,' 'a hack' and 'a creep.' A man in Cleveland not only called me 'an a**hole' but also wished me a 'f***ed-up day.' A lady -- and I use the term advisedly -- in Colorado wrote to say that all Canadians are 'a**holes' and thenordered me not to visit her state. I was also called a Canadian numerous times, as if that were an automatic and withering insult.
In an nice touch, a man from somewhere-in-the-USA opened by cheerfully calling me 'sonny bub' and, after some confusing name-calling that involved the word 'intellectual,' he rose to a great rhetorical flourish -- he asked if I had served in Vietnam!
Mr. Doyle again:
Well, it seemed that we could leave this Fox News to one side for a while, but no such luck.
I am informed that on Wednesday evening on the Fox News Channel, chief ranter Bill O'Reilly took a swing at me, The Globe and Mail, and the CBC. I'll admit that I've been baited into paying attention.
O'Reilly quoted from my column and, referring to The Globe, proclaimed: 'That paper has consistently taken liberal positions on almost every issue. And Doyle strikes up the band.'
Honestly, I had no idea that people knew this. I thought it was a secret that the editorial board takes all its instructions from me.
Then O'Reilly quoted from a letter he said he received from a viewer watching him on an illegal satellite dish in Toronto. The viewer claimed that in Canada the CBC is known as 'the Communist Broadcasting Corporation.' Then, with a dash of pith and vinegar, O'Reillly concluded by saying, 'So Doyle, spin that, partner. You're clueless, could be ridiculous.'
Bill, you are brilliantly funny. It is little wonder that I'm all in favour of Fox News Channel being available in Canada. We need this kind of insight into Canadian matters. The fact that the CBC is run by the Communist Party of Canada has been ignored for too long. It's time that Pastor Mansbridge was revealed to be the Trotskyite that he is.
Come on up here, Bill O'Reilly, and check out that Canadian Tire outfit. There's something fishy going on there. It could be a Commie plot to take over the world -- they're already printing their own money!
But O'Reilly would be best advised to tell his viewers to expand their vocabulary beyond 'a**hole' and things related to 'douche bag.' And I have to inform him that, as a result of his rants and the attention he has paid to me, The Globe and Mail, and Canada, I've heard from dozens of Americans who want to move here. Me, I'm still laughing.
And so am I.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-Dan
My brain is cold stew
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