Took a shit on my friend and he beat my ass

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Took a shit on my friend and he beat my ass
Aight so it was last night and me and about 15 other people were celebrating my friends 21st birthday. We were at one of their houses, which is a bigass two story house with a nice back porch that was in a sort of woodsy area. So fast forward to mid-party and I'm pretty drunk and stoned. I was chillin and smokin with my two friends, let's call them Friend 1 and Friend 2. I've been friends with friend 1 for over a decade and I've known Friend 2 for a year or two.

So we're talking, drinking, smoking, and eventually friend 2 wanders off and I talk with Friend 1 for a while. At this point, I'm really fucked up and friend 1 calls it a night and goes home. So I wander around looking for friend 2 for a while and give up. Eventually I find some chick I've seen around before and long story short we end up on the roof of the house. We're just chillin, smoking a joint and looking at the night sky, and after "getting to know each other" for a little while this chick tells me she has to go.

So here I am, alone, drunk as fuck, cold, and lazy on top of the roof of my friends niceass house. I look around and realize everyones inside and I'm completely alone. I don't feel like stumbling down into the house to go the restroom so I figure fuck it why not. So I take off my pants, squat over the side of the building and proceed to take a shit off of the side of the roof. Little do I know, friend 2 from earlier had wandered off and passed out right under where I was taking a shit, directly to the side of the porch.

Naturally, I think nothing of my dump and continue to head on inside to the party to chill. I'm cool for a while, kickin it with some people and more smoking (goddamn I smoked alot that day) when all of the sudden friend 2 fuckin rushes into the house covered in shit with the gnarliest look on his face. Half asleep, drunk, and covered in my feces I was trippin the fuck out. I guess I was too fucked up to handle myself and I made it way too obvious that I was the one who did it.

I just had that look on my face like "...fuck.... my bad..." and I felt like you could see it from across the room. He charged at me and obviouslly I didn't want to fight because this motherfucker was covered in straight dump yo. But he tackled me and proceeded to beat the fuck out of me, and in the midst of the brawl we ended up knocking over a bunch of shit and getting kicked out.

So there I was at almost 2 am standing outside, drunk, clothes stained in my own shit, confused and in pain. Now that I've sobered up next time I see this dude I'm gonna beat the fuck out of him. He works at the CVS down the street from my house and I'm gonna follow him home and we'll proceed to see what happens from there. Wish me luck!
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