My initials are BP, therefore I know what is happening.
The oil leak was caused by aliens from a planet in the next solar system we call Tianda. We have had communications with this planet for the last 50 some odd years, but in the last 3 months, we were exporting lsd to them like we always do, when we didn't meet our quota that we said we could produce. Apparently, due to drug trafficking laws, we fell short, so the aliens got mad. They then sent to us an ambassador, who turned out to actually be biggie. His exact words were "Who shot ya? The homies from Iraq? Fuck em, I'll fuck em. Then I'll wipe em." We were just as confused as you probably are. Biggie went back to Tianda, and we lost communication with the planet. Then the oil leak happened, and the President of Tianda, Jakdaw, told us if we don't meet the quota for next month (July), they will be forced to release a potent gas in our atmosphere. The gas, we are under impression, has hydrogen atoms bonded with anthrax, HIV (hence the HIV in bomb thread?!) and a unique item only found on Tianda, called Olen. The olen smells like poop, but can be fatal if smelt too much.
All in all, let's hope we meet the quota for next month.......
