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My ski poetry

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ISellMeth
Posts: 1440 - Karma: 673
Hey what do you guys think of this, have to turn it in tomorrow

+K for criticism

Last Session

Go hard it’s your last session,

Don’t be afraid to throw down.

 Do as best as you can without question.

You have been hitting the park with aggression,

You can’t let up now

Go hard it’s your last session.

Keep on that happy expression,

It has been a great day.

Do as best as you can without question.

Do so well put the others in depression,

Go for it and stand out from the crowd.

Go hard it’s your last session.

Keep pushing yourself in order to avoid regression,

If you stop now you’ll regret it come summer so

Do as best as you can without question.

Just enjoy your time up here, this is your obsession.

So pray next season will be just as great.

Go hard it’s your last session

Do as best as you can without question.


Jun 9 2010 10:06PM
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C.DeJohn
Posts: 499 - Karma: 579
nothing the summer thing was right on i do it ever year
Jun 9 2010 10:09PM
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I.Love.Beezy
Posts: 2117 - Karma: 784
use more imagery
Jun 9 2010 10:09PM
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ISellMeth
Posts: 1440 - Karma: 673
+k
nothing as in don't fix anything
Jun 9 2010 10:10PM
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Kirsakid
Posts: 1793 - Karma: 126
this is one I wrote in grade 8


Summer,


The snow is gone,
Green grass pokes through,
Sun warms up,
Why am I so blue?
Many months must pass,
Before I can ski.
It’s too hot for snow,
Now that summer’s all around me.
The summer months,
Go on forever.
It seems like winter,
Will come never.
Now with global warming,
Summer’s longer and winter’s shorter.
With all this time until ski season,
I change and turn somber.
I hate this season,
With the temperature so high.
I can’t take the wait,
Sometimes it just makes me cry.
Jun 9 2010 10:13PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51652 - Karma: 162,315
I did one on snowboarding for a creative writing class. It was pretty much to let me pas for the year. She hated everything I wrote all year.


Ended up comparing the mountain to  life. You're out there with friends sometimes, sometimes you're out there alone, you have to chose your own path down. some paths are easier than others, but sometimes you can miss out on the rewards. Something like that I think. My favorite part was something about how the fresh snow erases your path. Every time you start down, you get to start fresh. Learn from your errors in the past and maybe try something new. The mountain holds no memory of where you've been or what you've done.The only thing left is the memories and experiences you take away from it. It was actually pretty good, and she liked it. It was like 4 years ago so I don't really remember much of it though
Jun 9 2010 10:21PM
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kko
Posts: 336 - Karma: 49
I really like the idea that it has. I can't put my finger on what it is exactly but I feel like the flow of it needs to be smoothed out a bit.
On a completely unrelated side note, I'm from the 360 as well and I creeped on your prof a little bit and had a mini heart attack because I thought you were someone else but it turns out you actually aren't, so thanks for not being who I thought you were.
Jun 9 2010 10:32PM
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ISellMeth
Posts: 1440 - Karma: 673
Your welcome haha and thanks for the feedback
Jun 9 2010 10:35PM
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ISellMeth
Posts: 1440 - Karma: 673
Bump more feedback please
Jun 10 2010 12:02AM
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