So people don't have to download it:
First of all, I don't really understand why kids have to age claim their edits...it really doesn't matter how old you are, but it's not that big of a deal.
Take out all the shots of you falling/not making the entire rail/box - unless it's an EPIC fall, you don't want it in there...falling on a flat box just sliding it...not epic (I'm sure it wasn't fun, and yeah, everyone has done it, but you don't want to show it in an edit).
Too much arm movement, control your upper body more, not only will it look 100x better, it'll help you with harder tricks (for example, it's WAY easier to do a K-Fed with your arms down at your side than it is with your arms flailing around)
Work on popping onto urban set-ups, try not to do the step on style approach, it'll look better and make it easier to control your body (like I said above), and it'll help keep you centered on the rail/box
And most importantly, shorten the video - taking out some of the junk will help, but sponsors and reps like videos that are short and sweet, they don't take a long time to watch but it still makes an impact. Think of how many videos a rep has to look at every day for potential people to sponsor, they don't want to sit and watch a long edit, they want an edit that will take very little time to watch and still make them remember who you are.
Work on that and you'll be amazed how much better your edit will look.