Member of the Month

hi_vis360
November, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Dwight Schrute Quotes!

profile picture
messplay
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 1,066
post your favorite(s) if you can remember


Dwight:Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.
Mar 17 2010 11:38PM
6 0
profile picture
appa
Posts: 2249 - Karma: 1,739
Dwight after receiving promotion (when michael goes to interview for jan's job): Who's ready to WORK??
Mar 17 2010 11:40PM
0 0
profile picture
Deletedtoday
Posts: 4060 - Karma: 398
if i can skin a mule deer in under 10 minutes....
Mar 17 2010 11:43PM
0 0
profile picture
bstuck1
Posts: 426 - Karma: 46
I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
Mar 18 2010 12:15AM
0 0
profile picture
OhMyBosh
Posts: 5056 - Karma: 171
Click for larger image
Dwight has become far too unrealistic over the past few seasons... well, the whole cast has except pam and jim... its just a bit shit now really.

In conclusion, Gareth > Dwight
Mar 18 2010 12:34AM
0 0
profile picture
jeremy.g
Posts: 4931 - Karma: 459
not a quote but i have always imagined someone asking dwight for an eraser, and him saying, i have never owned an eraser in my life, i don't make mistakes.
Mar 18 2010 12:43AM
1 0
profile picture
Willard
Posts: 5117 - Karma: 429
haha i have been getting into the office lately
Mar 18 2010 12:53AM
0 0
profile picture
EvanA02
Posts: 421 - Karma: 47
"Girl Scouts? I don't know. I think it's dangerous to teach young girls self esteem and leadership" -Dwight Schrute
Mar 18 2010 12:56AM
0 0
profile picture
Shaky_Jake
Posts: 252 - Karma: 14
"Identity theft is not a joke Jim!!"
Mar 18 2010 1:02AM
0 0
profile picture
ImGoinSailin
Posts: 276 - Karma: 10
hahaha my threads
Mar 18 2010 1:05AM
0 0
profile picture
ColButch
Posts: 40 - Karma: 10
"I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy."
Mar 18 2010 1:27AM
0 0
profile picture
Grodent87
Posts: 361 - Karma: 15

In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is "Oww I hurt my leg, I can't run, a lion eats me, Im dead." Well I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

'

Mar 18 2010 1:47AM
0 0
profile picture
horner
Posts: 2439 - Karma: 1,578
Thank you, someone else who understands that the real office is way better.
Mar 18 2010 1:56AM
0 0
profile picture
Funnel
Posts: 7816 - Karma: 1,534
Haha, I've been watching it a lot lately and they're not really quotes, but I love the megadesk scenes from last epidsode.
Mar 18 2010 2:03AM
0 0
profile picture
95959
Posts: 2765 - Karma: 377
"count choculitis."
Mar 18 2010 2:08AM
0 0
profile picture
oreopancake.
Posts: 2596 - Karma: 21
this.
Mar 18 2010 2:57AM
0 0
profile picture
Shaky_Jake
Posts: 252 - Karma: 14
"When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."


Mar 23 2010 3:05PM
0 0
profile picture
Ski_The_East10
Posts: 582 - Karma: 3
word I just watched seasons 1-5 in the past two or three weeks

Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.
Mar 23 2010 3:13PM
0 0
profile picture
I.Love.Beezy
Posts: 2117 - Karma: 784
Shut up you icon-stealing troll
Mar 23 2010 3:20PM
0 0
profile picture
averyshyra
Posts: 1184 - Karma: 731
I know man, its soo damn good, just got into it as well.
season 5 starting for me.......

IFUCKING HATE HOLLY> shes creeps the fuck outtame
Mar 23 2010 3:23PM
0 0
profile picture
_steezefiend8
Posts: 659 - Karma: 271

-When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

and

-The eyes are the groin of the head.

Mar 23 2010 3:42PM
0 0
profile picture
max...
Posts: 1379 - Karma: 802
"I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose...and a panther."

Dwight:  What's your mile time?
Toby: Around seven minutes.
Dwight: Psh I could beat that on a skateboard.
Toby:...well a skateboard has wheels.
Dwight: Yeah but my feet don't and I can still crush that time.

Dwight:  What is Michael Scott's greatest fear?
Ryan:  I don't know...downsizing?  Loneliness?
Dwight: False! Michael Scott has no fears.  I would also accept snakes.
Mar 23 2010 4:48PM
1 0
profile picture
MADDECENT
Posts: 5579 - Karma: 951
Michael asks him to move in with him and pay rent:

"Thank God I don't have to do it. I live in a 9 bedroom farm house. I mean, I have my own crossbow range"
Mar 23 2010 5:00PM
0 0
profile picture
knblhjgkfjxdzsg
Posts: 354 - Karma: 491
http://hypem.com/track/1068511/Dwight+K+Schrute+vs+Weezy+-+Office+Musik+Clockwork+Edit+
Mar 23 2010 5:02PM
0 0
profile picture
LMPJibbin
Posts: 1607 - Karma: 17
Jim: "After you sir"
Dwight: "No thank you, i never go in front of anybody, 7 out of 10 attacks are from the rear"
Jim: "Ok, well that still leaves a 30% chance i could still attack you from the front"
Dwight:"Uh ya, but that would be easier i could block the blow--"
Jim: *slap*

Dwight: "Thats not the real Ben Franklin i am 99% sure"

Dwight: "Are you near-sighted or far-sighted?"
B. Franklin: "Both. Thats why i invented the bifocal"
Dwight: "GAHH"
Mar 23 2010 5:08PM
0 0
profile picture
samwise
Posts: 2592 - Karma: 36
"I don't tip anyone who does something for me that I can already do. I don't tip my barber, because I can, and do, cut my own hair. I do, however, tip my urologist, because I am incapable of pulverizing my own kidney stones."
Mar 23 2010 5:17PM
1 0
profile picture
*steeze_is_good
Posts: 2886 - Karma: 721
Nah that's Chuck Norris
Mar 23 2010 5:19PM
0 0
profile picture
ataraxia
Posts: 903 - Karma: 117
(after micheal takes a bite of the meat sandwich)

"its pony.."
Mar 23 2010 5:23PM
0 0
profile picture
siva_freak
Posts: 241 - Karma: 67
"Micheal!"
Mar 23 2010 5:37PM
0 0
profile picture
eljusto.
Posts: 2163 - Karma: 457
Pam: [during a role-playing exercise] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe..not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: Aw, man! I'm a woman?
Mar 23 2010 5:41PM
0 0
profile picture
p_n
Posts: 573 - Karma: 26
^i was just about to post that cuz i didnt see it!! thats my favorite haha
Mar 23 2010 6:21PM
0 0
profile picture
MADDECENT
Posts: 5579 - Karma: 951
Mar 23 2010 6:30PM
0 0
profile picture
averyshyra
Posts: 1184 - Karma: 731
dude^ fuckin right!
Mar 23 2010 6:38PM
0 0
profile picture
OGHolliday
Posts: 2390 - Karma: 2,430
I came in here planning to say that.

But instead I'll just do a recent one.

Pam is about to have a baby and is riding with Michael. Dwight is in the lead with a police light to make an open lane.
Dwight: *Stops* "Hey Michael this is where I say the deer last week."


By the way office fans check this. Cool little remix of the theme song.
Mar 23 2010 6:39PM
0 0
profile picture
Franny
Posts: 3980 - Karma: 77

Mar 23 2010 7:06PM
0 0
profile picture
peyton
Posts: 1475 - Karma: 1,062
office+dwitght=joy
Mar 23 2010 7:08PM
0 0
profile picture
StevenSegal
Posts: 1716 - Karma: 16
first one is good.

also the second one is as follows,

"the eyes are the testicles of the face.
Mar 23 2010 7:26PM
0 0
profile picture
leahey
Posts: 2548 - Karma: 32
Dwight Schrute: And how big do you want this robot?
Michael Scott: Lifesize.
Dwight Schrute: Mmm no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us.
Mar 23 2010 7:29PM
1 0
profile picture
MADDECENT
Posts: 5579 - Karma: 951
I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
Mar 24 2010 12:43AM
0 0
profile picture
EvanA02
Posts: 421 - Karma: 47


Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Mar 25 2010 9:48PM
1 0
profile picture
Shaky_Jake
Posts: 252 - Karma: 14
Whenever I'm about to do something I think,  would an idiot do that? And if they would I do not do that thing.
Mar 25 2010 9:50PM
0 0
profile picture
murflydude
Posts: 307 - Karma: 9
fact which bears best?
Mar 25 2010 9:51PM
0 0
profile picture
naturday
Posts: 493 - Karma: 238

"As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory... "

i love the office, love love it :-)

Mar 25 2010 10:10PM
0 0
profile picture
Shaky_Jake
Posts: 252 - Karma: 14
8D ...... i love you
Mar 25 2010 10:17PM
0 0
profile picture
50in07
Posts: 3070 - Karma: 1,471
Jim: Really Dwight Brown and Grey Balloons?
Dwight: They match the office
Jim: and the banner? It is your bithday. Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight: What? I'm stating a fact.
Jim: It looks terrible.
Dwight; You hurting my feelings. Fortunately they regenerate twice as fast as the norm man.
Mar 25 2010 10:25PM
0 0
profile picture
MADDECENT
Posts: 5579 - Karma: 951
POST 2222 FOR DWIGHT!!!!

Jim Halpert: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight Schrute: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
Jul 15 2010 12:46PM
0 0
profile picture
k-dizzle
Posts: 159 - Karma: 10
I cut my own umbilical cord.
Jul 15 2010 12:52PM
0 0
profile picture
grilledsteezeyo
Posts: 1419 - Karma: 72
ill put it in my diary
u keep a diary?
yes...to keep secrets from my computer
Jul 15 2010 12:52PM
0 0
profile picture
gmack24
Posts: 4636 - Karma: 31
Dwight: Stanley Come with me right now!
Stanley: No.
Dwight: As assistant regional manager I demand you.... Stanley: To the.
Jul 15 2010 1:00PM
0 0
profile picture
Ski_the_east01
Posts: 5203 - Karma: 2,306
wight Schrute: OK. I'm going to have to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan Howard: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight Schrute: Don't make me do this the hard way.
Ryan Howard: What's the hard way?
Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station, on my lunch break. I tell a police officer (I know several) what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
Ryan Howard: Yeah, let's do it that way.
Jul 15 2010 1:03PM
0 0
profile picture
majora
Posts: 860 - Karma: 157
question, do your pizzas play dvds, answer, bears beats battle star giactica
Jul 15 2010 1:31PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-5)