So I guess I'm a daddy...

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..At least for this weekend.

So I go to a jesus school. It's fucking stupid. And for a class assignment we have to take care of a fake child for 3 days and 3 nights. Unfortunately my three days happen to fall over a weekend where we're getting dumped on by snow.

Anyways, since this baby has been living the difficult religious life, I have decided to give an opportunity of a lifetime. A "rumspringa" if you will, and introduce it to not only the real world but the skiing world as well. So throughout this weekend I will be posting pictures with Kimberly Kay Kuhlman (her name) and her first experiences.

Now here is her first picture. Her first tag:

I'm now off to take care of my hypothetical screaming child. Have a good weekend NS, because I know I won't.

Jan 8 2010 11:18PM

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Big_Spence

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She's clearly Indian you ignorant fuck. Look at the red mark on her forehead.

Jan 10 2010 11:43AM

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.Asain-Skiier

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That is one wield laser sniper dot.

Jan 10 2010 11:46AM

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Balto

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@th1337

:( no need to get moody mrs.kuhlmen

Jan 10 2010 11:47AM

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Kazabazua

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should have named it Carlos...

Jan 10 2010 11:53AM

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yuck

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Jan 10 2010 12:01PM

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Big_Spence

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Sorry.

I guess I will post an official update.

Last night sucked dick. Kim was a complete bitch. I rocked her bitch ass for almost two hours straight and probably got a grand total of three and a half hours of sleep.

But since I couldn't really go to sleep I got started on my two page paper that is required at the end of this experience. I wrote the first section, kinda skipped over the middle for now and took a dabble on the ending. Here is what the final lines of my paper currently look like:

"Honestly, the only thing that this little baby experiment has taught me is that robotic baby are essentially screaming piles of trash. For me at least this project has completely missed it's mark. Want to know why Mr. ______? I'm going to continue railing my girlfriend regularly because I'm smart enough to use contraception, therefore reassuring myself that I will never be stuck with a "bundle of joy" such as this one."

^Not gonna pull a Uni-Corn (sorry Victor, I want to see the rest of the paper as much as everyone else) and say that I'm going to turn that in. In fact there is basically no way I'm turning that in.

fuck, now she's screaming. have a good day ns.

Jan 10 2010 12:03PM

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jack+

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Ridiculous

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAHA!

Jan 10 2010 12:10PM

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Big_Spence

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And you're telling me I look like an idiot?

Jan 10 2010 1:03PM

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Uah

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and then melt candle wax into the giant hole. and a dash on kkk's face.

Jan 10 2010 1:04PM

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Kazabazua

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uggggh is that kid wearing a sea shell necklace? face palm.

Jan 10 2010 1:09PM

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reverendwrong

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my gf's friends are stuck doing this as well. They're both complete stoners..and her friends will is gay. so its pretty fucking halarious to watch.

after and hour of having it caylin's baby was punted down the stairs by crosby. Will snapped its neck when he dropped his bowl, then dropped the baby to save the bowl. they both just started screaming at the damn things when they started crying...which was every 10min. when will left to get some food, he told us to just lock the damn thing in the bathroom and just write down when it started/stopped crying.

they are both going to fail so bad, will has broken the neck 3 times. And Caylin's was punted and suffered uber nelect when she passed out last night.

Jan 10 2010 1:14PM

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spruitm

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I HOPE YOU HAVE A SUPER AWESOME DAY!

Jan 10 2010 1:21PM

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pigglywiggly

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just about to post that...

Jan 10 2010 2:06PM

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207

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FUCK YEAH!

Jan 10 2010 2:15PM

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JibtasticAvenger

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because it crys and needs food and you plug keys into it hwne it needs certain stuff like food. it annoying as hell my sister had it..and if you dont help it or watever you get a bad grade

Jan 10 2010 2:37PM

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MatRich

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bring it back with an engraved satanist cross in its forehead!

Jan 10 2010 2:38PM

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Malcolm

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is the mother a plastic indian manican?

Jan 10 2010 7:37PM

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rj.

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kkk is oh so cute

Jan 10 2010 7:41PM

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Balto

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thats not you spencer!

Jan 10 2010 7:49PM

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jayo.

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It's a picture of the kid he was quoting

Jan 10 2010 8:18PM

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brandon_

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I think thats the kid who called him an idiot.

Jan 10 2010 8:19PM

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PeeDuBzz

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babies gettin steezzzzzzyyyy i dig it

Jan 10 2010 8:38PM

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Balto

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ah, i see that now

Jan 10 2010 8:41PM

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garrets

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Jan 10 2010 10:08PM

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statutory_APE

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He's always had a thing for shinya

Jan 10 2010 10:33PM

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salomonskiier12

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i left mine in my car all night and still got a B+

Jan 10 2010 10:36PM

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theabortionator

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I might stat a baby sitting service. If you need someone to take the baby off your hands for a while, hit me up.

Jan 10 2010 10:38PM

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Will-I-Am

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threads

Jan 11 2010 12:19AM

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powderhound100

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I dont understand, can't you just wrap the baby in some blankets or something so you can't hear the crying, but it in a closet and go skiing.

Jan 11 2010 12:42AM

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special_k10101

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how about a full body tattoo?
ha, this has to be the worst project ever though. you should just say you hate children and that you plan to join a monastery on a deserted scottish island and be celibate for the rest of your life so you never have to deal with the little cretins...

Jan 11 2010 12:48AM

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Big_Spence

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Today was alright for me and Lil' Kim. It was quite the busy day, but I don't have any new pictures. Sorry guys. But I will post up the agenda just for the sake of it because I'm really fucking tired of doing homework.

1. Woke up early. Like 7ish. It was 100% her choice.

2. Made breakfast. I had pancakes. She chose pretend milk from her fake bottle.

3. Got a call from Seth (SHampson) around 11 that they bailed on skiing and wanted to hit the rail.

4. Sessioned from 1ish to 3:30.

5. Collected cans in my neighborhood for another fucking stupid school project. You'd be surprised how many 50+ year old women were convinced it was a real child. You'd also be surprised what kind of shitty food they have lying around their homes.

6. Took the food to the food bank. On the way there I hit a pot hole or something and she started screaming like mad. Probably not a good thing. Oh well, sorry baby but shit happens.

7. Went to the girlfriends house for dinner. Ate some delicious fajitas, then went downstairs. Things started getting a little physical, then of course the baby started crying. But don't worry, I took it in stride. Put the bottle in her mouth and went back to business.

8. Finally watched the Cleveland Show. First one I've actually lol'd during. Anyone else see it? That song with Scottie Pippin was hilarious.

Anywho, the baby is now sleeping. Meaning that in about 3 hours when I want to be sleeping, it will be screaming.

But I don't give a fuck anymore. Because I'm in the home stretch. I'll be giving Kimberly Kay Kuhlman back to her rightful owner in less than 9.5 hours.

JEEAAAAAA!

Jan 11 2010 1:39AM

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vincepru

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i would have tossed that fucker out the window the first time it wouldnt shut up. you sir are a hero.

Jan 11 2010 2:30AM

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sack

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My school must have been ghetto. (/claim) At my school they had to carry around bags of sugar wrapped in a baby blanket for that assignment. luckily I didn't take that class, and got off scot free.
On the downside I learned nothing about family planning and now have 6 children

Jan 11 2010 2:36AM

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EastCoast315

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hahahaha, wow.

Jan 11 2010 4:00PM

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Big_Spence

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Last Update:

So, I no longer have Kimberly. It's honestly a bit depressing. She was turned in at 8 a.m where I learned the fate of my grade. I got a 97%. Pretty fucking pumped on that, pulled my Bible grade out of the shitter. The teacher told me I would have received a perfect score, but on my drive back from Walmart last night I hit a pothole and got docked three percent for a "rough handling" charge.

Now that she's gone though I swear to god I hear her crying/screaming like once every fifteen minutes.

A friend who chooses to remain I.D-less spending his last few precious moments with KKK:

The last photo ever snapped of Kimberly Kay Kuhlman:

All and all, this whole thing wasn't that bad at all. Sure KKK has fucked the shit out of my sleep schedule, some of my neighbors think I knocked a bitch up, and I even lost some hours at work. But it was kinda fun. And even though this was where close to as hard to take care of as a real baby, I still think I picked up a little bit of valuable shit along the way.

Well NS, I hope you enjoyed this little thread and got a "lawl" or two out of it.

Now enjoy the rest of your winter!

Jan 11 2010 11:26PM

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*valkyrie*

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My old high school did the sack of flour baby too, but for a realistic look they duct taped a doll head and limbs to the sack. Classy

Jan 11 2010 11:41PM

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solitaryman

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I thoroughly enjoyed this thread spence, and that second to last picture with the blurred out poon and smoke, what could be better!

Jan 12 2010 12:16AM

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dross250

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Baby bubbler made my day! +K to you sir

Jan 12 2010 12:34AM

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Mavrck

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yo if you feel like having a drop kick contest with it just tell your teacher some scary guys came over and stole it and started fucking with it, and you weren't about to risk your safety for some doll.

Jan 12 2010 12:35AM

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