Reinventing Myself

I made a thread earlier about talking to my parents about smoking weed.  I believe I said I was about to be hit with a shitstorm.  Well... it was more like a fucking massacre.  One of my best friends who is very open with his parents about his behavior is also apparently very open with them about his friends' behavior as well.  His parents, who knew all about my marijuana use, also knew quite a bit about my other drug use and decided that they needed to have a chat with my parents about the things their sons were getting high on while away at college.

I was a pissed off at first, then scared, and then I finally broke down.  I sat with my parents for at least 4 hours talking about it and they had a full range of emotions, too.  They interrogated, yelled, lectured, and sobbed.  Seeing your dad and mom cry always sucks. When it's because of stupid choices you made its almost unbearable.

I went into it with the mentality of "how do I defend myself?" but I left with an altogether different perspective.  The last 2 years I have struggled to find happiness.  I feel like I've been wandering aimlessly through life without any purpose or direction.  I wouldn't go as far to say I've been depressed, but I just don't get the utils out of my days that I used to (if you don't understand that economics/philosophy reference look up John Stuart Mill--he was a brilliant man). 

I've tried to get my kicks with drinking and drugs and sex but all of that just leaves me feeling empty.  I've been unfocused and unproductive even though I've somehow managed to get good grades.  I'm a junior in college and I still don't know what I want to major in or do with my life.  I've been a complete slob that hasn't brought any happiness to myself or others.  On top of that, ALL of my good friends at school have either become hopelessly addicted to drugs or have failed out, and I'm legitimately terrified that I'm next on the chopping block.

So I've decided to ring in the new year by completely reinventing myself.  I'm going to honor my parents' request for me to quit all drugs (yes, even bud).  Along with quitting drugs I'm going to stop drinking to get drunk and keep it only to weekends, take my studies seriously and take pride in my schoolwork, eat healthier, go to the gym, get involved in student organizations, and meet some new friends.  It isn't going to be easy but I just need to get back to being the fun-loving, outgoing, and content person that I used to be. 

I apologize that this is so long-winded and pointless, but I've never made one of these threads and I just felt like I had to share what I'm going through right now.  I hope that some of you can find a little inspiration in my story.  Any advice, encouragement, or even simple acknowledgment that you read what I had to say would be greatly appreciated.  Love to all of you, NS.  And good luck to those of you facing similar situations or have difficult resolutions for this new year.  Lets make 2010 the best year of our lives.