if you thought that was funny, check this out
Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is
the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a
horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I
don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially
since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint
images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very
long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no
****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...
Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have
learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the
encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But
anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break
from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before
exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the
break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked
her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk,
and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making
some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you
like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed".
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no
way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me
and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other
further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I
don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and
****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to
take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't
bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to
use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it
became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping
out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get
an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed
to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario
imagineable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an
ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a
POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do
first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into
the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the
urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let
the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try
and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that
didn't work so well...
As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as
well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking
at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted
to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried
take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and
this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing
partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of
repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so
badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on
her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped
into my head:
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at
least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her
floor....
At that point things get even worse...
The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....
I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...
she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???
At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!
I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was
releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty
rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it
smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"
I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...
she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..
I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the
door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing
with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi
dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet,
and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing
embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her
mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting
to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my
best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up
the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the
floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean
off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I
tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full
eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into
the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off
and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter
bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it
overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm
literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't
find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a
plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her
roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to
gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but
she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me
out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I
leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room
(I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo
water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while
swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.
All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought
my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in
me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded
(yes mad).
to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well
**** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also
prevents epic disaters like this one....
This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I
would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the
bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none
of this would have happened.
anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back?
maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run
into her again?
