The Poo Thread

I've had some pretty bad shit experiences in my life. Try, EVERY FUCKING MONDAY FOR WEEKS ON END.

At school, I'd get there, feel a nasty rumble in my stomach, by 9:30 I'd be in the bathroom getting rid of diarrhea.

My dad told me to stop eating food at night so it wasn't 'rotting' in my stomach overnight.

That worked for a while, but every once in a while it'd come back, and I'd be sitting there in french class (monday was usually a test day), shaking, sweating, dieing, no one noticed my discomfort though which was cool, but god, it hurts the stomach so much.

I'd gone to the doctor before, no result. Then went again, they took a blood sample, urine sample, and 3 days of shit samples, which meant shitting onto a pie plate and forking some into a little tube.

Anyways, we get the results back and it turns out i have this 'Blasticis Hominus' or something in my stomach that can cause this. In the mean time, I'm stacking up on dietary fibre by eating dry cerial (shreddies) and all sorts of stuff like that while taking pills 4 times a day to get rid of this blasticis fucker.

In the end, the awfulness of the diarrhea is like this:

Part 1) Feeling of getting kicked in the balls
Part 2) Kicking continues, harder
Part 3) Feel like you're gonna shit, gotta hold in
Part 4) Go to washroom before school, no effect
Part 5) Go to class
Part 6) BALL KICKING FEELING
Part 7) Shaking like a focker, sweating
Part 8) Trying to write test so don't fail french
Part 9) Go to washroom
Part 10) shit like fucker
Part 11) someone comes in, stop, pretend not there
Part 12) They leave, shit some more.

Anyways, this is what I am like now:

- Breakfast: None
- Break: Some Snacks
- Lunch: Yes
- After School: bowl of shreddies, raisin bran, or Mini Wheats
- Dinner: Yes
- After Dinner: Bowl of cereal + 3 glasses water
- Pop/Alchohol: Never
- Junk Food: Never after 4:00PM


For those of you that don't know, Dietary Fibre is what makes your poo solid, you should have 20-35g of this per day, I was having like 8g. Also, drink lots of water, with the dietary fibre workin it's magic in your intestines, the water is absorbed, and the more water, the better. Without the dietary fibre, your poopy doesn't clump up and the water sits in your bowels and comes out as diarrhea.


Also, I've been sick for 2 Christmas' in a row, hopefully with my new health knowledge that won't hapen anymore. But yeah, EAT YOUR DIETARY FIBRE (only in plant foods like fruits, veggies, grains etc.)


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'Schmuck...Cruella has garbage can pussy.'
--> Alpentalik

gethyped.net

The secret of getting black/green poo is to take iron tablets. The more the better
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Don't be a toad, follow the ski-way code
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www.teamksm.co.uk

i like to snack on pine tree's, yeah i have a thing called Gastroeshophigial reflux disease, i dont have a valve on the top or the bottom of my stomach, making for some fun bathroom times...

so i feel your pain man, i feel your pain

m1garand deserves to die...Eric Pollard is god...

Farp is gods gift to man.




I'm so big
you'd have to jump and swing up
just to hit me in the knees....

Ok this is a thread i must get in on....thank you levin for creating such a masterpiece, and i have alos have to giveerich some credit for the many poo threads in the past..... ok here it goes, ok i have been on a serious grpae soda binge here lately. Its all i drink these days and now i actually have 2 reasons for this. It started just because i liked the taste (i strongly advise thomas kemper Mmmm) anyway one day after drinking 3 or 4 i noticed that it turned my poo a slight green color. Holy shit i was excited, so then i started my experiment, i proceeded to eat as much bread and or fiber for the next coupe days and did whatever in i could not to shit. i bought 3 six packs of thomas kemper and a 12 of safeway select grape soda. for 2 and half days man i lived on that shit, 24/7 only drinking grape soda. Then the fatefull day came....i had to shit, i mean i had to shit bad. So i plop down on the toilet seat and let her rip, and i when i say rip i mean it. It felt like my ass was tearing in two. after a good 15min of pushing and groaning the fucker emerged. It must have been a foot and a half, a poo masterpiece. Now when your shit is real hard it has little cracks and mounds in it right? Well in the cracks it was daaark purple and the mounds were bright green! it looked like the incredible hulk! seriously! and the best part was it was real fat at the tip and got smaller..the head of the beast was this huuge ball of pure green poo. it was far and away the best shit of my life. Fuck if my digital camera wasnt broke i'd have taken a picture of this thing. I was soooo excited i called lindsey (XXXqueen) in to have a peek at this fucker. I mean i couldnt be the only witness to it. Nobody would have believed me. And that my friends is the story of my greatest poo ever. I hope this story does justice to this thread...thank you thats all


Fuck you hip hop just started, its funny how the most nostalgic cats are the ones who were never a part of it

haha, I read a story about a guy that, on a dare, ate only red vines for 3 days straight, and his poop turned the consistancy and color of strawberry syrup!










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Smokey, this is bowling, not Nam. There are Rules.

Oh goodness.......last year, my friend Matt (he loves ice cream, and he has a minor obsession with his own turd) decidced it was time to binge on ice cream. Well....in one afternoon he polished off an entire 4 litre bucket of blue bubblegum ice cream......about half hour later,he was feeling totally stuffed and shitty so we went through 1/8 of bud in 10 min doing bong hits.....on his last hit he started coughing like mad,,...and he shat his pant's right there in the living room....so he waddles to the shitter and there's blue cream seeping through the arse of his trousers...........well,to make a long story short, he was in there for 2 1/2 hrs with blue cream shooting out his butthole....nasty

^those are all pretty shitty stories..hehehe....

one of the worst is when ur in a hurry or youve been putting it off for a while and you try to get it out fast...and then you do it and you push it out as fast as possible and it turns out to be one of them turds as wide as baseballs....then fat man and little boy or w/e drop and think i blow an 0-ring....the change in my face must be priceless
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'What Would Harvey DO?'


SRMC

VIVA LA BEEGEES!

-kevan

my most recent intresting incident with poo is me and my friend were walkin around my neighborhood lookin for something good to do and there is this girl that i hate... she is the devil i swear so i had to go so i just dropped the boxers and took a shit in her little flower garden thing and when i was finished i looked back and it looked like a pile of like throwup.. so it smelled like every bad smell... but the next day it snowed so they never got to see my gift from me to them... very depressing... i had put so much effort getting it out and everythin..

Ohhhhhh red vines...thats a good idea


Fuck you hip hop just started, its funny how the most nostalgic cats are the ones who were never a part of it

i wanna try that grape soda thing and fiber

my teacher got arrested today for whipping it out in front of 2 middle school girls...yah....
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
'What Would Harvey DO?'


SRMC

VIVA LA BEEGEES!

-kevan

what does that have to do with poo? did your teacher whip poo at middle schoolers?


Fuck you hip hop just started, its funny how the most nostalgic cats are the ones who were never a part of it

is it me or does it seem like all of the gargantuan shits have to happen when youre in public or at someone elses house.
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'I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T, wait no, S-M-A-R-T!'

it had nothing to do with it...it was random
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'What Would Harvey DO?'


SRMC

VIVA LA BEEGEES!

-kevan

Bump

Good bump

1. Healthy stool
2. Clear colon
3. ..... ????
4. Profit

Disabled bathrooms are way more homely than regular bathrooms.