The Poo Thread

its happend to the best of us my friend. i know its somthing you wont soon be able to forget, just understand that theres nothing you could have done. were all here for you levin. godspeed.

****

--DEFY SKEEZ-- im huked up

I am a drinker with skiing problems.

'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'
Benjamin Franklin.

It is defintly a day if misery when your very own brown child has been forevor lost and never to be discovered again. We all feel very badly about what has happened today.. may god be with you.
--------------
www.penguinmilk.com

but, when you see your three foot long monster peering back at you, its love at first sight
_____________________________________________________
powder gets me pisted off

What the fuck, who wants to sit around and talk about shit all day? Fuckin message this shit to each other, we dont wanna know how u take a shit. Ok so u cudnt find ur piece of shit, what did u want to do? Pick it up and smell it or something? Seriously


I got suspended for taking my pants off in class. The catholic school board really frowns upon it. - skierdudeguy

Its better to be pissed off then pissed on.



'To me skiing is life, and you may say i have no life but i could image doing nothing more kickass than skiing everyday'-
flatspin 720

I might as well get this out...

one time my poo was green. As in green green. I looked down at it, and was both awestruck and confused. It wasn't brown-green or green-brown, but green, like a lime or something. When I went to wipe, the whiteness amplified the effect, it was like neon.

Needless to say, I had a hard time flushing it down. Its like throwing away a once in a lifetime experience.
________________________
(Ross)
SRMC
cBf

www.ratemypoo.com

Taste Death. Live Life.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! FIRST OF ITS KIND?!?!?! DO I EVEN EXIST!?!?!?!?

ANYHOW...when i got hurt a month ago and was in the hospital i was on morphine and oxy codone and other shit...all of which is extremely constipating...but it didnt matter because i could not leave my bed...finally the day came where i could get out of bed and of course i couldnt shit for the life of me...all the while i knew this was going to happen...so i couldnt shit for a couple days and was mad, because i knew, like last time, i would have to get some sort of external aid to help me release the beast...this time there was no aemima...it was a sopisitory. a sopisitory is this wax thing that looks like a bullet only a lot bigger. it has stool softening shit in it, and when you put it in your ass the wax melts and the medecine is release and stuff happens, as you will soon see....ok, so they also gave me this little thing of lube that looked more like one of the little ketchup packets at a fast food joint (these would be really sick if they had ky in them and you could keep them in your car and shit, instead of a fatty tube, but nevermind)...the nurse, who was pretty hot, brought all the shit in and offered to do it for me. FUCK NO...i hadnt showered in weeks and it smelled like my crotch was rotting, not to mentiont that i doubt she could have found her way to my cornhole through my dark, dangerous jungle of ass hair...so she left me with a glove, some lube and a little bullet critter on the hospital table that rolls around. i stared at it for a couple hours getting myself pumped up. after practicing a couple times i said fuck it..i assumed the position like a chick at the gyno gettin her pap...i lubed that bitch up a slid it in...or at least tried too...the shit was so backed up i had a wicked turtle head...so i had to push it in super hard through my shit...i literally shoved my own shit in...but the shit was fighting back...IT WAS MAD! it didnt like this new little enemy...so i battled trying to get it in, but it would always pop back out...so i had to keep my finger shoved in my ass to hold it in there...it was a real mess....lube, wax and poop were all over my bed, but i didnt give a fuck, i really had to shit...but alas, i gave up...i couldnt hold my figer in my ass any longer...i was fucking pissed...i would have to get my nurse, which takes a long time, to order another sopositor, which takes a really long time, and then i would have to do this shit all over again, which didnt feel nice...my anus burned from all the in and out action it was seeing. oh, i forgot to mention that my girlfriend was there, but i made her go outside the curtain, but i gave her the play by play you better fucking believe it...haha, anyhow, i told her i was done and she came back in and we reflected on the situation. all of a sudden shit started happening, i was getting gasy...but that was nothing new...i didnt think it would be a shit coming on, because i had conviced myself the sopository had failed. i stood up to see my girlfriend out the door, and then i knew it was fucking on...the second i stood up i knew this was the time...i rusher her out the door and got into the bathroom...holy shit, i knew what was in store from my enima a few years early...luckily this was a hospital bathroom so it had those handles on the wall to help you stand...i gripped on for dear life and waited for it to hit...now when you take these things it diesnt do anything to your poop, it fuckes with your o ring...it dialates it....yes dialate, like a vagina on a birthing mother...you loose control of you anus man, no joke...it fucking opends up so wide you dont know if you are going to see tomorrow...but is also proof that YOU CAN FIST SOMONE IN THE ASS...so it hit me like a truck, i fucking held on a was yelling cuss words like a mother fucker...i was surprised i didnt rip the granny handles off the wall...i sat there for about an hour relishing in my accomplishment and reading about brittney spears marriage in a people magazine...when i was confiednt i had finished i got the fuck out of that room...where i saw my roomate, who was a carbon copy of andre from outkast when he is forty years old...he smiled at me and i nodded, he knew the hustle...then i got back in my bed and watched law and order and the x files for hours upon hours completely satisfied.


4*****~~~~~~~~~~
F*****~~~~~~~~~~
R*****~~~~~~~~~~
N~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

worst thread ever born

Louis: Good I wont have to cook tonight.
Peter: No cook anyway then we'll throw it out i dont want you getting rusty.

on the contrary this thread is genius, well done
_____________
Roses are red, violets are blue, i like spaghetti, lets go fuck

NS Philosopher

Erich... my only wish is to have a poop in life that is as great as yours....


I'm glad I'm not alone in my poo adventures.










------------------------------------------------------------
Smokey, this is bowling, not Nam. There are Rules.

someday we can hold hands and release feces sharing eachothers life force


4*****~~~~~~~~~~
F*****~~~~~~~~~~
R*****~~~~~~~~~~
N~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I myself have had quite the constipation story... not nearly to the degree as erich, but alas, I will tell.

so, 4 or 5 years ago at summer camp, the food was not the greatest. If my mind does not decieve me, it was nearly 6 days without one. I finally knew I had to do it, so i went had found the only stall that was clean (just happened to be tiny). I sat and pushed for a good 5 minutes without ANYTHING happening. All of a sudden, it started to hurt. And I don't mean, ouch, i whiped to hard hrut, i mean OH MY GOD MY ASS HOLE IS BEING STRETCHED LIKE A DEAR SKIN FOR A NATIVE AMERICAN DRUM. It was horrible. five more minutes of pushing and the pain was unbareable. I stoped, hoping my pain would subside, but ti didn't. so there I was, praire dogging, or in this case, praire elephanting, in tears, with no way out. I knew I had to do it... so i kept pushing. I found a piece of plastic in my ocket to bite down on, figuring that'd help. it did, and all of a sudden the pain went to a whole new level. It now felt like the fucking ayers rock was coming out. it got worse and worse to the point where I was wondering how many stiches would be required to stich my hole back together. Finally, I heard a giant PLOP. The pain started to subside, but as I looked down to check the size of the baby I had just given birth to, the pain hit again. I fought it, and after a good 5 minutes more, my conquest was over, and I looked down. there below sat two of the largest shit balls i'd ever seen. They were so big I couldn't tell which way they had come out. It was amazing to think I had just birthed these two. the pain stayed and it was hard to sit for the next 2 hours, but it did go away without any medical attention.

-Pat Melvin
WBP|films

'people just think they're accomplishing something in their lives by fighting 'the man'.. - mh

^I'm sorry, did I just read 'shit BALLS'???? I was unaware that this was possible.



'lets all go to hell for having sex!' Lateralis
'jib_this why are you such an ass? all your posts are dissing someone els (sic)' Krongos
'I can't type, I've been drinking' Nolan
Whistler Sucks

This is the thread I have probably laughed the most in.
-------------------------

Broken collarbones are so awesome.

Steeze-E-O's
'Skier Tested, Mother Approved'

Its simply what we eat.

ever had diahrea so bad that its like peeing out ur buthole, then a little bit allways drips down ur cheeks and u get it on ur palm when u wipe?

'hey can i have a butload of cash?... NO'
Johnny d in the cribs segment of 1242

NS IS BACK BITCH!

am i all alone on that one?


'hey can i have a butload of cash?... NO'
Johnny d in the cribs segment of 1242

yes, i hate that


4*****~~~~~~~~~~
F*****~~~~~~~~~~
R*****~~~~~~~~~~
N~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one time i was really dehydrated..i had honestly thrown up over 100 times in the last 12 hours without drinking anything..i was litterally throwing up water...anyway..all of the sudden i had to take a crap, and what came out..was actual but piss..not even colored..just stinky, clear water...so...don't even talk to me about butt piss...bwahahahahahahah
oh yeah..after doing this a few times i went to the hospital where they had to give me 5 IV's
-----------------------------------------------------------

MEMBER NUMBER 632
[]D [] []V[] []D

i was at my office and i went downstairs for some raisans and when i came back my cubicle was covered in blood and urine and my boss was standing in front of me with his pants down and then my office mates surrounded me and took my microsoft dynastar cd and broke it into lil pieces and put it up my ass and called me a lil baby and poked me with pencils so i would choke and cry and then they kicked me in that whole crotchable area and stabed me and took my keyboard and shuved it right up my anus. they did a full clean custom install on me you better believe it!

^ wow, good story

'hey can i have a butload of cash?... NO'
Johnny d in the cribs segment of 1242

yeah cool story hansel.










------------------------------------------------------------
Smokey, this is bowling, not Nam. There are Rules.

^id you are refuring to me im not hansel i am akkmed

butt piss sucks
-----------------------------------------------------------

MEMBER NUMBER 632
[]D [] []V[] []D

Well, since this is the first ever poo thread.....here's my first story about diarreahea:

when I was 18,4 of my friends + myself went to Mexico. One guy insisted that we go deep-sea fishing 'so he sets it up.We went early in the morning and I was super hung -over.It was an extremely low budget crappy boat and all we had to drink was warm Corona's.Within half anhour I was feeling really queasy and started puking over the side of that godforsakin' boat.I was illin' bad.After about 1.5 hours the only fish was a 3lb red snapper that the guide caught.What a joke! We returned to the dock and i was still vomiting over the side only now I had to shit real bad too.{it felt like diarreha}.Upon arrival I ran to the boathouse.Inside there was a group of old mexican dudes playing cards.'Is there a washroom I could pleeeese use ?!?..' I said with a serious look of desperation+pain on my face.They paid no attention to me so I ran/waddled past the card game through the door to where I guessed the toilet was.There was a small stall w/ no door ,no water in the toilet,and it was fuckin'filthy.Upon crossing the threshhold into the stall I was hit with a stench that would curl your toes.That was it. I started puking uncontrolably.At the same time I lost all control of my bowel and started shitting like crazy.I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.Once the eruption stopped,I was in a state of shock.I was wearing white karate pants that were now completely soiled brown.I had no choice but to remove these slimey pants and tried to wipe myself with the small bits of my pants that weren't already covered w/ shit cause there was no toilet paper.I feeling totally ill + helpless.I turned around and my buddy Tim was standing there , eyes opend wide w/his mouth hanging open w/ a look of horror, astonishment,all he could say 'HOLY SHIT,WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!! I said,' I need help',I was standing naked from the waist down, the floor,walls,and myself covered in poo.'What should I do?'I told tim to find me something to wear.He looked but there was nothing .Icould see a dirty old Mexican blanket inthe corner+I told Tim to ask the old dudes if he could buy it from them but they paid no attention to him.I then told him to just grab it.He threw me the blanket which I wrapped around my waist and made a run for it.Man,did I ever stink+there was still diarreaha all over my legs.Then we had a 20 min.cab ride back to the hotel. Good times

www.ratemypoo.com


'Hey you stop looking at my wife'
'GaaaaaaaaaaDit'

i hate diareah, but normal crapping is amazing. i had green before, i couldnt beleive it

a ghost poo! those are great


'Did you know that average penis size is 6.4inches and that the average vaginal canal is 7.9inches? Therefore.... in this country alone, there is over 17,000 miles of unused virgin pussy' - Poolhall Junkies

i once pooped so hard i broke a blood vessel in my eye. i was holding on to the wheelchair rail. ouch.






Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape just when I needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you
The problem's plain to see: too much technology
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.

The time has come aat last
To throw away this mask
Now everyone caan see
My true identity...
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy

The stinkiest shit I've ever smelled was orange kitten diarhea.

right on samck89 liquid shit sucks.



~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~

holy shit ... i have only heard of the ghost shit in legend i never knew it acctually exsited ...a first hand account of a ghost shit ... anyhow ... nothing is as bad as a day after toca hell ... thats like anal explosion ... and once a freind of mine was on the road to windsor and had to shit so bad ... he couldnt find anywhere to stop ... so he thought hed letta little pressure out by squeezing a fart ... it open the flood gates and all the wonderous poo flowed out .... down his leg and all ... he pulled into a hotel and called the desk got them to bring the key out to him and went into a room a got into the shower hahaha ...

and another time

one time in band ... i was puttin my clarinet away ... and this girl was next to me ... with these tight brown pants on had her ass in my face .... and it smelled like poo ... since then i dont like tight brown pants .....

dont ask
True to the movement

samck89 that is so true, I've had that before



'I almost broke my penis once, i fell down my gfs stairs naked and with a boner, i was never so scared in my life'- Lateralis




~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~

the worst is when your giving it so hard and then after your done you look down and all you see is like a little tiny peice of shit, and wonder how it could have caused so much pain.....
-Nick Iwanyshyn
_____________________________________________________________

Focus at Theory-3.com

'Ski for yourself, do what you want and fuck everyone else'

Proud Member of Canada's Drinking Team

the worst is when your giving it so hard and then after your done you look down and all you see is like a little tiny peice of shit, and wonder how it could have caused so much pain.....
-Nick Iwanyshyn
_____________________________________________________________

Focus at Theory-3.com

'Ski for yourself, do what you want and fuck everyone else'

Proud Member of Canada's Drinking Team

ya i agree with the little shit forcing..it sucks cus u think its a huge log, but when u look its nothing.

alright, heres my green poop story. for anyone whos gone to the waterramps in park city, you might understand. in the deli in the olympic museum, they sell icecream. and they sell teh best cottoncandy icecream. yeah, well its all fun, yay it turns my mouth blue, but a few days later, i had bright fuckin green poop. like take armadas, that green=my poop. awesome eh, so if youre in park city, check that shit out
_______________________________________________________
The Official-royal nose-picking, wannabea highschool dropout, Gary Coleman-loving, Arnold-hating, college chick-dating, Montana boonies guy

Member of the 'lets help Sam loose some weight so he can possibly get a girl' Club.

Only Westcoaster in the Eastcoast Cult

Ok so I was sick this one time when we were heading up to my friends cottage. I didn't realize it at the time so I bought the biggest fucking slurpy at 7-11. Of course I get the best flavor, blue raspberry, and down the whole thing as fast as I could. Then my stomach started up, like a 1970 chevy truck on steroids. I was mixing some crazy cement in that stomach of mine. All of a sudden it all rushed to my butt hole, but my strong asshole of plexiglass held back the barrage. Bam, it struck again. I now knew what pearl harbor was like after a few more attacks. It seemed like hours till we got there, and the attacks persisted. We finally got there and I jumped out of the truck to run to the bathroom...bad move. As soon as I hit the ground an attack hit, but my defences weren't up. Like a freight train, blue liquid shot out of my orfice straight to my nice new whity tighties. I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, slurpy-shit dripping down my leg. I made it to the bathroom and unleashed the atom bomb on hiroshima. Blue liquid flew everywhere. I couldn't contain the slurpy poo as it drained out of my ass all over the toilet seat. It started dripping down to the ground, I could tell it was getting bad. I tried to clean it up but THERE WAS NO TOILET PAPER. Shit! No shit paper to clean my shit off the ground! I searched frantically around the 2 foot by 3 foot bathroom, but no toilet paper was found. I looked in the sink, the shower, ever tried to pull the mirror off the wall...nothing. I felt helpless, like a giraffe without a neck. I was stuck in the bathroom, blue, undigested slurpy everywhere. I had no idea what to do. My underpants were soiled and the bathroom was a wreck. There wasn't even a towel to use. I tried the empty paper towel roll, but to no prevail. I had no more options, my hand moved closer and closer to the july 2000 issue of readers digest, hopefully its plump, reader-goodness could help me. But wait! I remembered my soiled underwear. It was already disintegrating from the acidic stomach juices mixed in with the slurpy. I ripped it off my legs and began mopping the mess. The once white cotton that covered my soft young bottom turned into a blue mess. I scrubbed and scrubbed, ringing out the destroyed underpants every so often. Eventually it looked good enough to call it a night. I sprayed down my 2 hour home and opened the door in victory, my butt still covered in that blue shit liquid and no underpants. I proceeded straight to my tent for some new whities, but wait! I forgot to pack more! I searched frantically for some new asswear, but none was found. I considered using a shirt that was already falling apart like a diaper, but it didn't work so well (and got covered by the blue shit still on my ass). I then noticed a nice beach fabric in the corner of my bag. MY SWIM SUIT! I was saved and the rest was history.
.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.

SkeeOrDie: I don\'t hate boarders, I hate fuckers, and 8-year olds that call everyone nigger face.

This probably happened to everyone here. A shit so big that it will simply NOT move when you flush the toilet. That's a real hard situation to deal with.

*******************
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

I just rememembered what I had done. I was in my host family in Costa Rica for an exchange and they had this shitty toilet that would hardly flush. And then I shat this one foot monster. I turned around an saw that like four dogs were looking at me through a hole in the wall. I ignored them and thought what the hell am i gonna do.

I took this little stick used for washing the toilet on the side and proceeded to breaking the turd into smaller pieces and stuffing it into the hole. Problem was it was a floater and it would keep coming back up. I finally managed to do it, but now i was stuck with this stick full of shit marks. I could not find a place where to wipe it (the sink and the towels were outside the door for some weird reason)

So i wiped the shit off on the dogs fur. For the next two weeks MAN those dogs stank (they were my host family's dogs).

*******************
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

I was staying with a host family in Japan, and they have those weird-ass toilets with all the buttons on them. So I was trying to flush something, but i hit the wrong button, and this weird auto-douche thing comes out and starts spraying me with shit water. I was standing up at this point, but i had to stay there blocking it until I could figure out how to turn it off. Then I had to get upstairs without anyone noticing the shit water all over me.
_______________________
Dubbya: 'OH NO A BREAST...UPGRADE TO CODE RED, INVADE SYRIA'

this is the most spindivirous-schmitszensizzoris thread in the history of the world weeeeeeeeeee

Okay, I guess I'll share my shit story. I was prolly 11 or 12 when I went to this wendy's (the burger place)in el jebel. I hadnt shit in a while, cause we had been on the road for a few days. anyway, i ordered my burger, eat it, and decide I have to shit really really badly. It had just come over me, and I had a killer stomach ache. So, I walk/run to the bathroom, so as not to attract too much attention. Once I'm in the bathroom, it got really bad. I was in desperation trying to get my pants down in time. Finally, I say down...right on some piss. I had to go so bad though, I didn’t really care. So, this was so bad I didn’t have to push at all...It just came out. And come out it did! It took so long for one little brown texan to come out, I didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes on the pot, I wiped, stood up, and flushed. I didn’t even think to look back, but I caught a glance of it. It didn’t go down! It was lodged in there sideways, and wouldn’t bend. I flushed three or four more times, but didn’t succeed in getting it down. I couldn’t believe it. This was a fucking commercial toilet, and my footlong was stuck in there sideways, unable to bend and go down. I left quickly, so as not to be caught. I never thought it was possible...

i just took a shit :)

davidh, its a public bathroom, if it won't go down, let the janitors deal with it...unless there's like a plunger there. And its not like you're gonna get raped in the ass for a stuck footlong.
.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.

SkeeOrDie: I don\'t hate boarders, I hate fuckers, and 8-year olds that call everyone nigger face.

i hate the shit that feels like its coming out sideways, or that my poop has like thorns on it


we should get a ladie to inquire on poop..

m1garand deserves to die...Eric Pollard is god...

Farp is gods gift to man.




I'm so big
you'd have to jump and swing up
just to hit me in the knees....

thorns? what the hell have you been eating?
********************************************************************
Grandmaster CT Skiers

'i am smarter than the average indivitual'-D-Loc AKA 'I'm the coolest'