Post some new funny jokes

do you like fish sticks?

gay guy, jew, and black dood walk into a bar.

bartender says "get the fuck out"

bear and rabbit r shitiing in the woods the bear said to the rabbit "do u have a problem with shit sticking to ur fur" and the rabbit said no so the bear wipe his ass wth the rabbit

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

--

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

--

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.

"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.

"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician.

"Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise."

The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna kill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"

Whats the same betweeen black people and sperm?

Only one in a million actually works.

have you ever seen that show on lifetime about that woman?

what do you call 100 white guys chasing 1 black guy?


the pga tour

I got a joke for ya

Alright, so 4 guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "What the hell is this, some kind of joke?"

gran torino

quality

A blond, a brunet, and a redhead are getting chased by a crazed killer. all 3 run into the basement of an abandoned house, and each quickly jump into some empty sacks. The killer runs down, and kicks the sack the brunets hiding in. "Meow!" says the girl. "Just a cat" the killer says. He kicks the sack the redheads in. "Bark bark!" she says. "Just a dog" thinks the killer. He kicks the sack the blond is in. "Potatoes!"

So I recently got an invitation in the mail to a party my friend was throwing.  It said that it was a "premature ejaculation party".  I had no idea wtf that meant so I started racking my brain to try and figure out what he meant.  Is it some crazy sex party?  nah probably not.  Maybe a costume party?  So I finally give up and call my friend.  I ask, "Ok man what am I supposed to wear to this thing?".  He answered, "Don't worry about it, just come in your pants."

So when it was just Adam in the Garden of Eden, God said to Adam, "I can give you the best companion in the world.  It will bear your children, be accepting and always loving, get food for you and clean up after you, and give you everything you want.  But it will cost you and arm and a leg."  Adam replied, "That's a pretty steep price...what can I get for a rib?"

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died." "No problem," the man said. I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "Mr. .. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I as able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly." The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. ... President, please tell me what it was like the day you died." Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator.

three gay guys die in a car accedent. at the funral all there husbands show up. one of the husbands asks the other what r u going to do with his ashes and he says, i am going to spred them in a lake cuz he loved to boat, then he asks the other husband what r u going to do with his ashes, and he says i am going to spred them in the sky because he likes to fly, then they ask the first husdand what r u going to do with his ashes , and he says i am going to put them in a pot of chilli, and they ask y, he says because i just want him to tear my ass up one more time!!!

awesome movie, ive watched it several times, and it is absolutely hilarious. clint eastwood is SUCH a badass.

Do you like them in your mouth?

mythreads

then your a gay fish.

ever come across someone you never should have fucked with....

thats mee

(whips out  a gun)

this is kinda shitty, possible played

why are girls vaginas so close to their assholes?

so when they pass out at a party you can carry them out like a six pack

Q: whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neal Armstrong?

A: Neal Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon..


 Micheal Jackson fucks little boys in the ass.

bahahahahahhaahhaha I can SO imagine clinton doing that