Replying to Once again, JapQuail's family screws him over

So, get this: I recently found out that I would have a girlfriend right now, if my mother wasn't getting married. I met this girl awhile back, and I guess she liked me, and was going to ask me out. Then we found out that my mom's fiancee is her uncle! That friggin' sucks! I mean, I know we're not really related, but it's still kinda weird, my family's redneck enough without me dating my cousin. Plus, their family's really big on gatherings and reunions. I'm sure that'd impress the grandparents, watching me make out with my new cousin. Not that we would in front of everyone, but you know what I'm saying.
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I think the saddest thing you will ever see in your life is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up, little friend.