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theabortionator
April, 2025

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Favorite FML stories

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InkShrink
Posts: 1079 - Karma: 30

This is a funny FML story like...

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and proceeded to blow on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

What are some of your favorite FML stories?

16 years ago
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TotallyTrevor
Posts: 4382 - Karma: 26,428
i've never been there (FML is a website right?) but i read one that was something like this

i was at a party with this chick, and we were really drunk, so we started fucking and then right when i was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled I WANNA HAVE A BABY WITH YOU!!!

or something like that, haha pretty funny though
16 years ago
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InkShrink
Posts: 1079 - Karma: 30
Yeah, its a website, www.FMyLife.com , tons of shit that will make you feel better about your day.
16 years ago
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 85

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML

16 years ago
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Aaaron.
Posts: 11817 - Karma: 906
today, simon dumont won the x-games with a double front flip.
FML.
16 years ago
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appa
Posts: 2249 - Karma: 1,740
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML

this one is the best
16 years ago
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MistahSmith
Posts: 153 - Karma: 37
Getting a call the morning after: I'm Pregnat
FML
16 years ago
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Dbouch
Posts: 1059 - Karma: 13
Ahahahahahahahahaha
16 years ago
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B.bowzz
Posts: 659 - Karma: 211

 today?

ya not really

16 years ago
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babujib
Posts: 5039 - Karma: 104
stfu, and theres no way the op's story was true
Click for larger image
16 years ago
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D_War
Posts: 266 - Karma: 35
^sitting by myself looking at this, middle of the night and im cracking up!
16 years ago
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Dylan_
Posts: 9828 - Karma: 1,409
haha i love that one i was reading it like 2 hours ago
16 years ago
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InkShrink
Posts: 1079 - Karma: 30
I'm glad i'm not the only one!
16 years ago
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,273
hahaha

16 years ago
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B.bowzz
Posts: 659 - Karma: 211
what?
16 years ago
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the.hellion.
Posts: 861 - Karma: 698
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML


amazing.
16 years ago
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ax_murderer
Posts: 3322 - Karma: 30
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
16 years ago
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infedel_one
Posts: 5140 - Karma: 444
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
16 years ago
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infedel_one
Posts: 5140 - Karma: 444

double post cause this one's hilarious

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

16 years ago
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PatSul
Posts: 109 - Karma: 16
Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML
16 years ago
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B.bowzz
Posts: 659 - Karma: 211

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

owned lol

16 years ago
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andrew.
Posts: 2349 - Karma: 167

hahahaha

Today, I parked my car on the side of a street downtown right where I recently had my car broken into through the window. I covered my window and put a sign up saying,"Please do not break in. No valuables." I came back to another window being busted in and a sign that said "Just checking :)". FML



16 years ago
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ECfreeski3
Posts: 12019 - Karma: 126
hahaha
16 years ago
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Snowgoner
Posts: 5047 - Karma: 969
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics.Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

ahaha
16 years ago
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EvanMeyer
Posts: 3828 - Karma: 3,533
I couldnt find the one but it went something like

Today, I was in a pizza shop with my nephew and he asked how much coke was I told him around $1 he replies wow thats pretty cheap for blow. Hes 13 FML


16 years ago
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Dan.
Posts: 7201 - Karma: 1,126
Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML



16 years ago
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poh_money
Posts: 609 - Karma: 66
no lie im in love with that picture
16 years ago
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alaskakid
Posts: 5540 - Karma: 430

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML


Today, I went to my friends house when his parents were out to smoke weed. 45 minutes into smoking, his parents called to say they'd be home 5 minutes. We sprayed the house with Lysol and Frebreeze to mask the smell. We were high and in a rush; it was bug spray and shaving cream. FML



16 years ago
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B.bowzz
Posts: 659 - Karma: 211
this shit is funbny
16 years ago
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bradcoffey
Posts: 582 - Karma: 31
i just read this one and it made me laugh so hard

16 years ago
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Hack.The.Pow.
Posts: 1294 - Karma: 25
hahahah win
16 years ago
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