Joke contest! whoevr can tell me the funniest Joke in a month gets a free prize

thats fucked up hahahaha

(in chinese accent/bad joke) why does chineeeeese man frry upside down? cuz craaack upp

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

Hahahahahah

Whats the difference between a Hummer and a pile of dead babies?

There isn't a Hummer in my garage...

So theres two muffins in a oven,
One says to the other- "Damn its really hot in here"
the other replys- HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN

what do you call an open field full of black people burried up to their necks
afro turf


whats the difference between a jew and a pizza
pizzas dont scream when they get put in the oven

Why do Black people always die first in a war??

When some1 says get down they dance

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

A black guy and an apple fall from a tree at the same time which hits the ground first? 




























The apple the noose stops the black guy before he hits the ground

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

how do you find the fastest mexican?
roll a quarter down the street

how do you find the richest mexican?
the one that found the quarter

where do you hide money from a mexican?
under a bar of soap

what's the difference between a mexican and a bucket of shit?
the bucket

meat as in 8==D

hahaha

What's worse than 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

ahahaha

YES i get to tell this againn!!  if youve seen this before you know whats coming......and no i did not write this i took it from another thread



a joke: Pink ping pong balls

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'

The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

`Father,' replied the son, `I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

`Father,' said the son to this, `I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

`I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father, `but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.

The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.

`Dear son,' said the father, `I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'

The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'

The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.

The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.

`Dearest father,' the son started, `I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'

One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.

The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.

The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.

The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.

`Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'

It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.

The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.

`Father,' the son said, `You've made me very happy yet again.'

That night, the son spent on board the tanker.

The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.

A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.

His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'

Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'

`Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'

The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.

`Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'

The son nodded weakly.

The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.

`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.

The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.

`I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

`I- I-'

Then he died.

why do black people hate opening new bottles of asperin?

because they have to pick the cotton from the top

how did helen kellers parents punish her??

put a plunger in the toilet!!

again...think about it

what's the hardest part about rollerblading?

what do you call 3 black kids in a pile of leaves?
-Raisin bran

What do nikes and the kkk have in common?
-they both make niggers run fast

dunno if those have been said already

a guys walks into a bar

then says owwww

i read that whole fuckin thing you asshole!!! HAHAHA

fuck I just read the thread that one was already said

1.how did Michelle Obama know she was pregnant?
- when she took out her tampon all the cotton was picked off.

2.why are black people so good at dunks (basketball)
 - you ever seen a monkey miss a branch?

3.why doesn't mexico have an olympic team?
- because everyone that can run, jump, or swim is already across the border.
 

(science joke) so a mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender is like, "get out, your not welcome here", the the mushroom says, "why not, im a fun guy". (fungi)

Why dont ken and barby have kids?

Q: Whats green with heaps of holes and if it well out of a tree would kill you
a: A golf course.

it's a separate joke.

what do all of us call something with 2 eyes a nose a mouth, two arms, two legs, a soul, a heart, liver, ribs, a chest, a neck and hair!!!  Why simple A BIG PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!

guess what?!?!?!?!?! i hate you. you just waisted sooo much of my time reading all of that AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! how is that funny to waist someones tim elike that man!

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt work?


a stick 

Two whales are sitting at a bar.
The bar tender asks the first whale, "what would you like to drink?" and the whale says...

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwooooooooooooooheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (whale song)








then the other whale says..
"Shut-up george, you're drunk"

What do you get if you got a bulldog and a shitzu? Bullshit!! AAAAAAHHAHAHA! Thats sum funny shit right thurr!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a mountain?

Avalanch!

What do you call a bunch of black people running down a mountain?

Mudslide!

What do you call a bunch of Indians running down a mountain?

Lava Flow!

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a mountain?

Jailbreak!

Theres a black guy and a mexican in a car.  Whos driving?

The Cop!

What sound does Hitlers laser gun make?

Jew-jewjew-jew!

Four gay guys walk into a bar and there's only one stool.  How do they sit down?

They fip it over and each sit on a leg of the stool.

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

what do u call a tennis match between stevie wonder and hellen keller??
endless love!

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year, Dick Cheney went into the oval office to inform George Bush that 3 brazillian women had been raped and murdered the night before in Downtown DC. George bush was shocked. after regaining his composure, (on the verge of tears) he asked: "dick... exactly how many is a brazillian?"

i dont like these dead baby jokes. but.......

what's sicker than driving over a baby? skidding.

what's sicker than skidding over a dead baby? pealing it off the tire.

How can u tell 1 live baby from a pile of dead ones? stabb them all with a pitch fork.

oh they are horrible....

fuck you. its not cause she is a girl ass hole.

lay off.

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, "Mom, look - I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"

Thats from Goodwill hunting fool!     good joke tho lol

Q. why was helen keller such a bad driver?

it was three days from Thanksgiving. A little six year old boy was sleeping, he suddenly awoke to his parents shouting, he heard the words “bitch” and “bastard”. So he goes into his parents room and asks, what does bitch and bastard mean? The parents dismiss him and say it only means boys and girls. The next night he again overhears his parents say two words, ” dick” and ” “condom” he goes in and asks what they mean. The parents say they are only names of coats. On Thanksgiving day, the boy is walking down the stairs when he hears his dad say “shit!” from the bathroom. He goes inside to see his dad shaving his beard. His dad tells him it’s the stuff he’s shaving off. The boy goes downstairs where his mom accidentally cut herself while slicing turkey. “fuck!” she yells. The boy asks what it means and the mom replies it’s what i’m doing to the turkey. The doorbell rang, and since his parents were occupied he went to get it. Outside are all his relatives, he starts,” hello all you bitches and bastards, put down your dicks and condoms. Dad is shaving the shit off his beard and mom’s inside the kitchen fucking the turkey!”

Once upon a time in the jungle. All the animals and tarzan was taking a bath in a waterfall. Then tarzan noticed that all the animals were laughing at him. He asked the elephant ” why are ya’ll laughing at me ” The elephant answered ” the reason why we laughing is that we got tails at the back and u got a tail in the front

2 men are out in a blizzard, and they meet each other. then the first one asks: man 1:what are you doing out here? man 2:im looking for my wife. what are you doing? man 1:im also looking for my wife man 2:then we could look together. man 1:sure why not… so how does your wife look like? man 2:she is tall with long legs, shes blonde has a big round butt and good boobs, so how about your wife? man 1:screw her lets look for yours!

One day a Italian guy and a rich guy decide to go skydiving. the Italian guys jumps and opens the shot but when the rich guy jumps his doesn’t open. The Italian guy gaps the rich man and he says…” thank you so much for saving me i am going to give you a million dollars.” the Italian man replies ” OH MAMA MIA!!!” and opens his arms and drops the man.

(in case you didn’t no Italians move their hand when they talk) Hope u understood!

Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam?

You can't peanut butter your dick up someones ass

what did one gay man say to another gay man who was getting ready to go on vacation?

What's long, black and smelly....?

what does Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds have in common?

Ha wow. thats great.

what is long and hard for black people?
their 4th grade

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and acne....?

Acne waits till your 15 before it cums on your face.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?