one time my dog ate a condom full of cat nip i used to create feelings of uncontrollable sexual pleasure in my kittens, so i quickly cut open his belly with a leatherman to retrieve my merchandise. i never found that condom full of cat nip, but i did find this:
i shot that son of a bitch in the stomach and pissed on his glasses. why the fuck was tom cruise inside of my lovable canine companion? i had a mystery to solve. i sewed up my dog with razor wire and a glock 9 i keep inside of my boxers for just such an occasion and started looking for clues. i found the following:
startled and, dare i say it, frightened by my discoveries, i contacted president barack hussein obama immediately, but i have unicel and my service was really spotty so he thought i said "ham booger" instead of "hamburger" and called me silly. i tried to relate to him the seriousness of the situation but he just kept flirting with me until the call got dropped.
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