Replying to Boot Issues

I dont know what is causing this, and i never really knew how my boots "should" feel, or the buckle settings.  So if someone could help that would rock.

When i have my boots on loosely, my feet move around a lot and if i lean back to butter or land backseat my toes jam to the front of the boot.  This has caused me to lose my big toenails for the last 2 years.  Its not super painful, but its annoying.

However, when i tighten my boots up, my feet get SUPER cramped and they hurt like mother fuckers.

I guess what i am asking is :  On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the tightest i can click my buckles on, 1 being clicking the buckles on first notch), what should i be at?  I ski 95% park if that helps, and my boot size is 11.5, 169 cm true center twin tips, technica boots.

thanks.