Replying to Thoughts from a broken skier.

NS,
I know that you all love skiing just as much as i do. not just as a sport, but as a lifestyle. For me, it is that if not more and I'm really not sure how to explain that feeling. It is euphoric, stressful, blissful, terrifying, meditative and so much more to me. I was injured about five and a half weeks ago. the crash was the most terrifying moment in my career so far, but it turned out a lot better than it should have. Up until this point, i had been so lucky by the way of injuries and i still consider myself that way, because the crash and  its outcome could have been so much worse. Now i am back skiing about 2 days a week. I feel like i am operating at about 20%, and it is absolutely killing me.  I'm not looking for sympathy or suggestions or anything like that, only doing my best to voice my feelings right now. It is so hard when the one thing that really defines your being is taken away from you, and i don't think there is another congregation of people who think like this than right here.Also, let me just say that my sincere condolences go out to those who have it worse than i do right now.  Since  I've been out, it seems like things in my life have been a little erratic and have gone off path. I look at the situation from afar, and i realize that its not nearly as bad as my head is perceiving it to be, but it getting harder and harder to watch my crew from the sidelines. And i cant shake the weight that is going along with this blurry situation. Skiing clears my head and makes things make more sense to me. It has the same effect on me as riddlin might for someone with a tremendous case of A.D.D. haha and not having it in my life is making my thoughts unclear. School is more difficult, i feel like my days have less meaning, and i am sick of these fucking pain meds. i am just ready to be back to where i was before, and from there to progress on the coarse that i had set for myself. ready to be back on track. I am not sure exactly how long it will be, but i am doing my best to look forward to that day and prepare myself. i really appreciate you for listening to me NS. 
thanks,
and big love,
-Cedar Teionietathe Jocks