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Thoughts from a broken skier.

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Cedar
Posts: 158 - Karma: 86
NS,
I know that you all love skiing just as much as i do. not just as a sport, but as a lifestyle. For me, it is that if not more and I'm really not sure how to explain that feeling. It is euphoric, stressful, blissful, terrifying, meditative and so much more to me. I was injured about five and a half weeks ago. the crash was the most terrifying moment in my career so far, but it turned out a lot better than it should have. Up until this point, i had been so lucky by the way of injuries and i still consider myself that way, because the crash and  its outcome could have been so much worse. Now i am back skiing about 2 days a week. I feel like i am operating at about 20%, and it is absolutely killing me.  I'm not looking for sympathy or suggestions or anything like that, only doing my best to voice my feelings right now. It is so hard when the one thing that really defines your being is taken away from you, and i don't think there is another congregation of people who think like this than right here.Also, let me just say that my sincere condolences go out to those who have it worse than i do right now.  Since  I've been out, it seems like things in my life have been a little erratic and have gone off path. I look at the situation from afar, and i realize that its not nearly as bad as my head is perceiving it to be, but it getting harder and harder to watch my crew from the sidelines. And i cant shake the weight that is going along with this blurry situation. Skiing clears my head and makes things make more sense to me. It has the same effect on me as riddlin might for someone with a tremendous case of A.D.D. haha and not having it in my life is making my thoughts unclear. School is more difficult, i feel like my days have less meaning, and i am sick of these fucking pain meds. i am just ready to be back to where i was before, and from there to progress on the coarse that i had set for myself. ready to be back on track. I am not sure exactly how long it will be, but i am doing my best to look forward to that day and prepare myself. i really appreciate you for listening to me NS. 
thanks,
and big love,
-Cedar Teionietathe Jocks
Feb 23 2009 1:38AM
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snowboardersrule
Posts: 1077 - Karma: 15
i feel like that right now, except with no pain or drugs. life is depressing when u cant shred and its winter. it makes u question everything. why do i work in aski shop? why do i live in ski town, voluntarily seperating myself from those i care about?

Feb 23 2009 1:45AM
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JuliusJ
Posts: 3778 - Karma: 2,106
what did you do? or whats hurt? +vibes from a fellow injured skier
Feb 23 2009 1:47AM
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Skibumsmith
Posts: 5432 - Karma: 11,823
You just explained exactly how I feel. I haven't skied in 2 weeks cause I sprained my ankle and I'm loosin it. At least it won't be that long.
Feb 23 2009 1:49AM
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Jordan
Posts: 4079 - Karma: 2,122
Vibes for sure. It sucks. Just got out of the hospital on Wed. haha. Won't be skiing for a bit.

I use skiing as my way of just getting away from everything and being free.
Feb 23 2009 2:17AM
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TWoods
Posts: 10014 - Karma: 8,386
I tore my ACL and haven't been skiing in like 5 weeks. I haven't done any schoolwork in 5 days... not because I am unable to but because I can't bring myself to. I haven't done anything or had anything to do in the last 5 days either. I'm so far behind, and i have a scholarship to keep. I just can't do anything. I totally know how you are feeling.
Feb 23 2009 2:19AM
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eheath
Posts: 61648 - Karma: 123,472
I know how you feel in a way, i didnt ski park for the past 9 days cause i had a concussion and coming back and skiing today was the best feeling ever, at first i was a little sketch but i just went for it and had so much fun.
Feb 23 2009 2:25AM
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Alex_G
Posts: 11902 - Karma: 1,019
yeah dawg nothing matters to me right now i know exactly your feeling. i wont be truly happy until i get out for the first time next season. thats what its gonna be.
Feb 23 2009 2:44AM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
I've never been seriously injured, but granted that, heres my two cents.


Life is filled with problems. I consider myself unbelievably lucky. I have an activity, perhaps even a lifestyle, that takes all those problems and pushes them out of my mind. Skiing is cathartic. It may not solve all my problems, but god damn, does it help my mood. I feel so lucky to have one thing that I can do and love no matter what else may be trying to ruin my life.

On the hill, my problems melt away. On the chair, I'm only thinking about what lines to hit, what shit to jib off of and what to ride switch. I dont care about my my relationships, my issues with friends, family, whatever. It just me, selfish as it may be, but thats what I ski for. Skiing is all about enjoyment. Having fun. For some reason, I just have the utmost fun whenever I ski. I love it. It feels, I guess, like the passion you get when you do something you want to live for.

Long ago, I gave up my dream of ever appearing in Freeskier or having a movie segment. It was a combo of having other interests outside of skiing and me being frankly too chicken-shit to go that large. I was sad for a few seasons, feeling inadaquate and dull, defeated. But I got over that. You realize at some point that all that matters once you park your car and step into your boots is the achievement of laughs and smiles. I would easily trade landing a cork 12, perfectly stomped, for an afternoon hanging out on the hill with good friends and fun. Adrenalne junkies we may all be, but I think most of all we just live for the good times.

Let that be your motivation. 
Feb 23 2009 4:17AM
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Literature
Posts: 13673 - Karma: 3,085
A poem I wrote that relates:

Covers


Who am I
or anyone
To hide the pain of the world
beneath snow?
To see everything through rose-colored goggles?
To be joyous and happy, satisfied and content
While so many others will never
touch the snow, or know
What it feels like to be free

I think we wait for winter
because we see the bare earth covered

I think the reason I can’t sit still
is that no one is meant to deal
with reality without escape

Just as the boulder field becomes a pillow line
And verdure forest floor becomes a white carpet
To be happy, we must pad our reality
Make jagged edges smooth
Be able to float while dragged down

We cannot see the world forever as bare
Like seasons, each view deserves it’s due
But to live to see it bare again
Snow must cover it anew

Feb 23 2009 4:38AM
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albatross.
Posts: 4380 - Karma: 772
skiing isnt going anywhere



trust me i left for two years and its still the same, dont worry you arent going anywhere either.
Feb 23 2009 5:14AM
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ugsey
Posts: 95 - Karma: 14
feel lucky that you can at least go 2 days a week. i live in queensland, australia. we have no snow, just beaches and heatwaves. i get to go maybe one week every 1 to 2 years, imagine that.
Feb 23 2009 5:54AM
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casual
Posts: 6712 - Karma: 6,748
Wow, great thread.  Good contributions from everyone. 

  I tore my ACL a few weeks ago, and I absolutely relate to the feeling of "imbalance".  Skiing is my primary outlet, and I genuinely believe that it contributes to my overall well-being and mental health.  Not being able to ski certainly leads me to feel stunted, unmotivated, and unfulfilled.  I suppose that's why I spend an inordinant amount of time arguing with strangers on this site...

  I'm not sure just how unique this feeling is to skiing per say, I think all passionate people feel that way about their particular "vice".  My bro for example shredded his shoulder, and in the process, saw his dreams of playing college football blink out of existence.  He really struggled over the next of couple of years in trying to connect to something else.  Luckily, he had an opportunity to begin coaching and is now a student assistant at UD.  I guess that's one of the trappings of being so singularly focused...if something happens and you're unable to pursue that thing...where do you go from there?

  OP already said it, but let's be thankful that our injuries are relatively mild, and short term in the big picture.

  P.S.  I went up to the mt. yesterday, met some buddies, and filmed most of the day.  I basically just hiked around and threw my skis on if absolutely necessary...clearly, not the brightest idea, but my rationale was, "Hey, you're having surgery on Friday, so, fuck it."

  P.P.S.  If some of the more thoughtful members on this site would step up and create quality threads...imagine what might happen to this site...
Feb 23 2009 9:23AM
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LoLo913
Posts: 600 - Karma: 29
"i feel like my days have less meaning"

very thoughtful thread the line above really got me. I blew my knee just over a month ago, it's my senior year of college and I cleared out my schedule to ski as much as possible. now I get to spend my spring break getting surgery. I do accept that everything happens for a reason, and I am trying to see the meaning of it all. but I am struggling living the life of a non-skier, skiing was all i did. and I am the kind of person that devotes 100% of their energy and being to a passion. I came to Vermont to ski, now what do i do? I am trying hard to stay positive but it is not always easy. so I totally feel you man. I am thankful I have NS, to talk to kids in the same boat, because that does ease the sadness just a little bit.
Feb 23 2009 10:55AM
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i.ski.troll.
Posts: 4692 - Karma: 247
yeah dude. i know how you feel.  i had gotten reallt sick with influenza for a couple weeks and missed 13 days of skiing park, first day back was absolute hell.  i fell on my first run going up the tow rope...
Feb 23 2009 11:17AM
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noj1080
Posts: 355 - Karma: 69

Great thread!  Just what I need right now.

Just like many of you above I blew my acl and meniscus this season.  I am 5 weeks out from surgery right now.  It has been really tough, it shut down my life.  I moved to Colorado last winter after graduating from college and started my career on the park crew here at Beaver Creek.  So once my knee was injured I was out skiing and a job.

I have been lucky enough to find temp jobs to do here and there.  Today I am answer phones in a real estate office.  This whole experience has only confirmed for me that there is nothing else I want to do with my life other that skiing.  I need it to be an everyday part of my life.

The best thing is, just like what was said before.  It is great that Doctors are great at repairing knees and we can come back in a relatively short time.  In the mean time we should work on having an injured nser party to take our minds off of our troubles and share our simalar eperiences.

good luck to everyone else out there recouperating

Feb 23 2009 11:53AM
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COskier
Posts: 1066 - Karma: 131
Don't let skiing define you. This is coming from a person who lives in the mountains to ski, but it's true. There is a whole world out there, go explore it.
Feb 23 2009 12:01PM
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*davidallen*
Posts: 191 - Karma: 49
This thread is so helpful. I broke my collarbone on saturday and i even hated sitting in ski patrol watching a bluebird day slip away. In school sometimes the only way i can make it through a week is thinking about skiing this weekend. I feel very fortunate that in a couple of weeks i can at least just go cruise around. Even though i would much rather be skiing as hard as i could i am already lookin forward to just being on the mountain again. ++++ vibes to all the injured skiers
Feb 23 2009 12:32PM
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*DrewT*
Posts: 7768 - Karma: 481

Dude I've got the same thing going on right now. I've gotta take it easy all year.  No competitions, no big tricks, nothing that there's any realistic risk of hitting my head.  I haven't felt like myself for the longest tie it's like a part of me is gone.  I've been able to get on the hill recently and do some smaller stuff.  This last week I've gone out and I did some 5s and switch 7s and just having a fun time on the hill and I can honestly say that was the best day I've had since I heard about the year off.

Pretty much I can't live without skiing, I've come to realize that if it comes down to it I could abandon my hopes of making it as a pro and just ski recreationally, that would even be hard though I've been chasing that dream my whole life I don't feel like I have anything else, but without skiing I'd go insane

Feb 23 2009 12:34PM
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DirtyMick
Posts: 1496 - Karma: 21
I couldn't have said it better. 

That is EXACTLY how I feel as well.

I was thinking about these points this past weekend when I went with my ski buddy and hiked some runs in the backcountry.  There is absolutely nothing I would give up for skiing.  If anything, I'd give other things up to ski.  The smile it puts on my face, and the joy that it brings me can't ever really be taken away.  All the memories with friends on the lifts, the jokes, the powder days, park runs, tree runs, waking up early with hangovers, all of it is because of skiing.

Sometimes all the controversy and hate on this site pisses me off.  Then I start to think why we're all here as a group.  It's confusing to think that some of us forget why we're all here together, but then again what's it matter. As long as you see the fun in skiing, forget the hate and just ski.
Feb 23 2009 1:05PM
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asfffffffffdd
Posts: 1554 - Karma: 1,103
That was really well written man, and don't worry, we'll be shreddin with you at 100 before long
Feb 23 2009 2:37PM
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TheBeardedOne
Posts: 2286 - Karma: 58
Wow, I really liked that, nice work man :)
Feb 23 2009 3:48PM
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Cedar
Posts: 158 - Karma: 86

First of guys,

let me just say that waking up to all this was really fantastic. I knew i could count on all of you to have some solid thoughts about this...blurry situation. And all the love and vibes has really impressed me. This site is doing so much for skiing and everything that goes along side it. so big ups to all of NS.

to reply to a few of you individually: "what did you do? or whats hurt? +vibes from a fellow injured skier" - It is a broken collar bone/ seperated shoulder, but i ended up with a soft tissue injury as well. Due to a few strains it has ended up lasting longer than expected. thanks for the vibes man. 

"Skiing is all about enjoyment. Having fun." - exactly. I ski because it makes me happy. thats the bottom line. really the only reason i am doing my best to make a career out of it boils down to me wanting to spend as much of my life as possible doing what i love. And giving back to the "lifestyle" that has given so much to me.

"A poem I wrote that relates:

               Covers


               Who am I
                or anyone
                To hide the pain of the world
                beneath snow?
                ...

                We cannot see the world forever as bare
                Like seasons, each view deserves it’s due
                But to live to see it bare again
                Snow must cover it anew"   this is great work. poetry is such a great form of expression  and this is class work.

"Don't let skiing define you. This is coming from a person who lives in the mountains to ski, but it's true. There is a whole world out there, go explore it."        -  As a plan of action, it might be a more intelligent life choice not to have made skiing my absolute, but it hindsight of what it has done for me so far i dont regret it at all. If i could never ski another day in my life i would be completely destroyed, but equally as thankfull for the meaning and opportunities i have extracted from it thus far in my life. and by the way of seeing the world, skiing has given me a taste of this and i plan to take that as far as i possibly can.

I want to single out more text from these responses, but i think i have already made this reply intimidatingly long. thanks for reading and be so thoughtful about all this.

p.s. Mat, you are really helping me through this one. mad props to you sir.

Feb 23 2009 8:07PM
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Malcolm
Posts: 15951 - Karma: 9,451
yeah ive been falling on the same injury for like a month now
Feb 23 2009 8:11PM
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PhilboydStudge
Posts: 3431 - Karma: 206
damn Cedar that sucks, get better soon, and come shred at the GD again haha
Feb 23 2009 8:24PM
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Cedar
Posts: 158 - Karma: 86
I don't want to see this thread die, so... BUMP
Feb 24 2009 12:20AM
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brenker
Posts: 3188 - Karma: 71
ah man, breaking collar bones sucks. i broke mine a couple years ago mountain biking in the summer (my skiing equivalent when the snow is gone) and couldnt ride for a month...one of the worst feelings ever. It didnt even hurt that bad...but when i broke it the thing that killed me the most is the thought that ill be sitting around for weeks recovering.
best of luck, hope you recover soon and get back to the hill!
Feb 24 2009 12:28AM
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3ski6guy0
Posts: 9201 - Karma: 134
ive been through that too. quit school last year a month into the semester because i decided i just wanted to ski. got hurt the first day the lifts were open and ended up sitting in salt lake for a whole season watching insane amounts of snow fall outside. it sucked ass
Feb 24 2009 12:51AM
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S3B
Posts: 251 - Karma: 24
back on the hill first time today in 7 days after messing up my back (couldn't get out of bed for 3 days) and it was beautiful.  makes me appreciate my health so much more, when my back was tweaked i just tried to look at the bright side knowing i could be much worse off.  i think we should appreciate just being back on skiis even if you can't go all out, a good lesson in patience,
peace
Feb 24 2009 3:06AM
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aidansheahan
Posts: 933 - Karma: 5,358
Thats a bummer man, but keep this in your head.


As much as we all love skiing (it is the most fun thing to do in the winter) you really need to realize that we as humans are not defined by what we do. If you keep living like skiing makes you what you are, your missing out on alot, because when you lose skiing you will feel like a nobody. Love yourself for who you are, not because you ski and are good at it...


Don't hate felicitate
Feb 24 2009 7:45AM
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Squid.
Posts: 1904 - Karma: 23

I saw this quote in someone's sig a while ago, it defines perfectly what skiing is for me

"You put on your boots, click into your bindings, dust the snow off your skis, and head out for the chair, and it doesn't matter that you failed a test, didn't get the girl, or that your life is on a one way trip down the shitter, your world is right for the next couple of hours."

Feb 24 2009 9:52AM
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TonyTheTiger
Posts: 863 - Karma: 68
I feeeel you, I hurt my knee (meniscus) 3 weeks ago...

At first I did think something along the lines of... Oh well I guess I'm gonna do better in school and with relationships.

How it goes is a whole different way though. My friends are all gone skiing and I am left alone at home with nothing to do except wait for them to come home and talk about the sickest pow they've had today. I would do some work, but then I realised that skiing helped with my composure, it helped me relax before doiing stuff that I normally wouldn't do. I'm left at home with too much time to think and not enough to work on what I really have to. No skiing = Nothing else either... And spring break is coming...
Feb 24 2009 10:12AM
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jaylib
Posts: 4523 - Karma: 777
i feel you. last sunday i hurt my shoulder and i'm out for 9 months.

this past week has been one of the shittest of my life and i couldn't explain why until i read this thread.
thank you
Feb 24 2009 10:48AM
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Cedar
Posts: 158 - Karma: 86
Bmp
Feb 25 2009 5:28PM
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Capurnicus
Posts: 9947 - Karma: 1,886
dude i broke my collar bone last spring, it sucked soo much. i was just bored outta my mind. i really really hate not being able to ski, its the worst thing ever
Feb 25 2009 5:35PM
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