Chameleon

4 am. hi.

ive been pondering this night, the night of novem..december......november 29...whatever...I thought about things. ill start with myself..cause that always seems the most interesting for some reason...I am a chameleon. I have studied human behaviour my whole life....i skipped a few years in high school where i bathed in sweet bilssful ignorance...but before, i had no9 friends..not a single friend from grade 3 to grade 8. it was a hard time.....or so my parents told me...however, i found after a few years that i could figure p[eople out. I used this skill to learn wht different people thought was 'cool'. I dipped here and there, i tried to find out something that was cool from every person i met. I did this while unaware i was doing this. I was living a philosophy i use today in different issues, instead of being the best at one thing, I want to be good at a lot of things. it was a choice i made, and still live by. I should feel fake after realizing i was 0nly learning what was cool...but i realize that I saw everyones point....i could relate....so I adopted different peoples beliefs....and then took my pieces of broken glass, and after putting them together with my own unique beliefs, I created a mirror. And that is where I have been, am, and will be forever..in front of that mirror, slowly adding more angles to it until reflections of myself are so overwhelming that i either forget who I am, or destroy myself.

I don't want to destroy myself..I want to make a mirrored tunnel instead of a compilation of warped mirrors that distort who I am.

welcome to the house of mirrors. how long can you last.

I got in some arguements tonight about politics and shit.... I realized that instead of offering different points, people are more content and feel stronger if they just deconstruct the wording of your one point instead of realizing the idea of the point. fucking semantics. I can play with words all day too...it's usually not too productive. unless it has to with relationships...words mean everthing.......one day I will find someone i want to invest ALL my energy into....maybe...fall in love? dunno..sounds dangerous....i hate danger hehe....gimme more safety....can't take the heat. where are you

somewhere? nowhere? will I only ever love myself? It's hard to love yourself when you're in the system....individuals are frowned upon, you have to agree with others..you have to have a collective voice..that's where the REAL strength lies. Is that what you're told? it's what I feel Im being told......Why? there are answers to that why...but Im not really interested in them...they're all full of regulations and legal garble....

i want an egg.

im gonna go cook one.

Why do I have a problem paying for convienence?

because I don't think human kind deserves convienence yet.....not yet....

peace

Shawn
the only problem with man is that he doesn't know how he ought to live

The more you want something, the less likely it will happen.

stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon


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