It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Radioactive Man, woke up in a swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly puzzled, Radioactive Man hit a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Radioactive Man called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Fallout Boy picked up to a very unhappy Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually charismatically shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because he had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only two days prior. It was a electric little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Fallout Boy panicked. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Radioactive Man took the time machine, he had take at least eleven minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Fallout Boy would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by six abrasive Care Bears that were lured by his diary. Fallout Boy cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he deftly reached for his dull pencil and randomly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went wildly jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his whale. Fallout Boy was relieved but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Fallout Boy sassily purred. With a hasty push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying flaming idiot in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat frighteningly close to where Fallout Boy had hidden the diary. Fallout Boy yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Fallout Boy noticed a abrasive look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been five minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Fallout Boy groped explosively in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' he rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little oafish, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.
Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Radioactive Man's diary. Feeling pleased, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and jettisoned away with the fortitude of half a million venomous koalas running from a enlarged pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Radioactive Man shimmied with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet bloody glove'). Radioactive Man was excited. And so, everyone except Fallout Boy and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.
