Replying to Drug Test in 2 weeks

Ok so we have this big school dance on friday and im probably going to smoke or drink after it.

But i also am applying for a job in 2 weeks which means a piss test.

I want to know how long it would stay in my system for (alcohol and weed) and what i could do to get it out quicker.

I apologize if their is already a thread on this but i really need answers quick.