Member of the Month

KilaTsunami
October, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Jokes

profile picture
A_W
Posts: 295 - Karma: 16
I'm bored, everyone post their best jokes.
The snow god likes when you eat carrots.

10-4, Jeff Thomas will be throwing a spraffy ball grab- Judges at the Baker 'Big' Air.
Apr 5 2002 10:52PM
0 0
profile picture
under_achieved
Posts: 1164 - Karma: 14
a blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at 'lovers' cove' where they were making out. the guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
'no' yelled the blonde.
the guy just figured that she wasnt ready yet. things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
'no'she cried again
things got even hotter and the blonde was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
'do you wanna go to the back seat yet?' asked the guy.
'for the last time, NO' said the blonde. 'well, why the hell not' he says
the blonde looked at him and said,'because I wanna stay here with you'

(replace blonde with brooke and its even funnier)



'ooooo thats what I like'
'what? you like to suck beer bottles'- hot striper to my buddy after she pulled his bottle out of her mouth.
Apr 5 2002 11:17PM
0 0
profile picture
sirjibsalot
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 19
why do women wear make up and perfume?
because they are ugly and they stink
--To Be A Jibber You've Got To Be So Fresh, To Have Style And Finesse Way Above The Rest--
Apr 6 2002 12:46AM
0 0
profile picture
under_achieved
Posts: 1164 - Karma: 14
haha, your probably gonna catch some shit for that one man.



'ooooo thats what I like'
'what? you like to suck beer bottles'- hot striper to my buddy after she pulled his bottle out of her mouth.
Apr 6 2002 1:03AM
0 0
profile picture
PhattTim
Posts: 13943 - Karma: 83
Sir Jibs, that was a good joke, lol, I dig it, hahahhahaha.

~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~
*SkierX IS A STUD MUFFIN*
-Jesus had 1080's!-
Apr 6 2002 1:33AM
0 0
profile picture
dspin7x
Posts: 6414 - Karma: 63
How do you make a little kid cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear?


Haha yea sorry its fucking sick but funny, my uncle even told me that one

I like skiing
Apr 6 2002 2:35AM
0 0
profile picture
Freestyla_01
Posts: 8586 - Karma: 34
what the fuck.
---
How many boots could three Phils fill if three Phils could fill boots?
Apr 6 2002 3:04AM
0 0
profile picture
Freestyla_01
Posts: 8586 - Karma: 34
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can get closer to the sink to wash the dishes.

What do you do when a woman's watch breaks?
Nothing. Theres a clock on the stove.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Nevermind that, why is she out of the kitchen, and where'd she get the money for those shoes?
---
How many boots could three Phils fill if three Phils could fill boots?
Apr 6 2002 3:06AM
0 0
profile picture
yellowsnow4u
Posts: 3283 - Karma: 15
you guys are gonna get killed tomorrow when all the women get online...adn I am gonna be here to laugh at yah....hahaa...aawww wait..no I'llb eskiing and hopeflly getting high...hahahaha.. BUt I promise I'll come home and have a good lauhg at all ht crap you guys have gotten. ;)
Matt

***Founder of the Dancing Penguin Revolution :)***
'hey, your skis go both ways. Wait, you have bi-sexual skis!' - Said to Matt Harvey by a 50 year old ski instructor
~~Phunkin' Phatt Phreerider~~
Apr 6 2002 5:48AM
0 0
profile picture
FreshCoast
Posts: 5602 - Karma: 34
WNBA..........................



Need I say more?
___________________
APF

-Hey Harry you want to go to Aspen?
-I don't know the French are assholes
(Dumb and Dumber)
Apr 6 2002 12:41PM
0 0
profile picture
tremblantripper
Posts: 1501 - Karma: 18
a man and his girlfriend are about to have sex when he asks her to 'go downtown' With a sigh she gets on her knees an starts lookin at his genitals, tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole buisiness. After a few minutes he asks'so what are you doing?', the blond replies'what i always do when im downtown with no money, just looking'



A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying 'That was fucking awesome!'
Apr 6 2002 12:42PM
0 0
profile picture
dez22
Posts: 2959 - Karma: 65
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
full

'Marge, road signals are suggestions, like pants' Homer

Please don't try inverted tricks on beds. The only people that gain experiance is the chiropractor and the furniture salesmen.

How's my posting?
Call 416-783-2660
Apr 6 2002 2:14PM
0 0
profile picture
yellowsnow4u
Posts: 3283 - Karma: 15
hahhahahhahahahhaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that one is GOLD!
Matt

***Founder of the Dancing Penguin Revolution :)***
'hey, your skis go both ways. Wait, you have bi-sexual skis!' - Said to Matt Harvey by a 50 year old ski instructor
~~Phunkin' Phatt Phreerider~~
Apr 6 2002 2:52PM
0 0
profile picture
Gdawg3
Posts: 1956 - Karma: 10
haha, thats great.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?

Ripping it off. sorry about that one



'Victory? We're French, we don't even have a word for it.'
Apr 6 2002 2:58PM
0 0
profile picture
tremblantripper
Posts: 1501 - Karma: 18
whats red and white and runs into walls?
a baby with forks in its eyes...

sorry bout that one



A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying 'That was fucking awesome!'
Apr 6 2002 3:13PM
0 0
profile picture
lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
There are two guys who get caught selling weed, and the juge tells them that the person who gets the most people to quit smoking weed won't go to jail. So a week later the two guys come back, and the jude asks the first one how many people he got to quit. The guy says 10, and the judge says 'Wow, how did you get that many people to quit.' The guy tells him that he drew a big circle and then a smaller circle, and he told the people that the bigger circle was their brain before they smoke weed the smaller one is their brain after they smoke weed. Then the judge asks the next guy how many peole he got to quit. That guy says 100. The judge is very impressed and asks him how he got all those people to quit. That guy said he drew a smaller circle and then a bigger circle. He said that the smaller circle is your asshole before you go to jail, and the bigger circle was your asshole after you go to jail.
----------------------------------------
Got Yoohoo?
Apr 6 2002 3:23PM
0 0
profile picture
lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
whoops, i meant judge the first two times i spelled it wrong
----------------------------------------
Got Yoohoo?
Apr 6 2002 3:25PM
0 0
profile picture
tremblantripper
Posts: 1501 - Karma: 18
AHAHHAHAHA



A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying 'That was fucking awesome!'
Apr 6 2002 3:29PM
0 0
profile picture
Gdawg3
Posts: 1956 - Karma: 10
hahhahahhahahhaha



'Victory? We're French, we don't even have a word for it.'
Apr 6 2002 3:35PM
0 0
profile picture
yellowsnow4u
Posts: 3283 - Karma: 15
lol
Matt

***Founder of the Dancing Penguin Revolution :)***
'hey, your skis go both ways. Wait, you have bi-sexual skis!' - Said to Matt Harvey by a 50 year old ski instructor
~~Phunkin' Phatt Phreerider~~
Apr 6 2002 4:08PM
0 0
profile picture
dspin7x
Posts: 6414 - Karma: 63
how can you tell when a womens about to say something intelligent?
she says 'a man once told me...'

I like skiing
Apr 6 2002 4:20PM
0 0
profile picture
under_achieved
Posts: 1164 - Karma: 14
hahahahaha, I love women jokes.



'ooooo thats what I like'
'what? you like to suck beer bottles'- hot striper to my buddy after she pulled his bottle out of her mouth.
Apr 6 2002 4:40PM
0 0
profile picture
PowderPrincess
Posts: 2767 - Karma: 20
JEFFFFFFF... that was mean! i know i'm blonde, and you dont have to tell the whole world i ACT like it tooo......... :(
*brooke*

'That's a sign that God didn't want you to burn me..'- David to Brady when the lit Concept burned out that Brady was chasin him with
Apr 6 2002 9:41PM
0 0
profile picture
under_achieved
Posts: 1164 - Karma: 14
sorry Brooke, its not your fault, blondes just act blonde. its the price you pay for being hot.



'ooooo thats what I like'
'what? you like to suck beer bottles'- hot striper to my buddy after she pulled his bottle out of her mouth.
Apr 7 2002 3:04AM
0 0
profile picture
rebel
Posts: 5198 - Karma: 22
A guy walks into a bar.... OUCH!

That joke is probably funnier when you've drank a little
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'That's my cancer wishing face' - yellowsnow4U wishing cancer upon the server that kept us away from NS
Apr 7 2002 3:12AM
0 0
profile picture
Diabhal
Posts: 1003 - Karma: 10
whats brown and sticky? A STICK! ... sorry bout that one i just love saying it
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Apr 7 2002 4:05AM
0 0
profile picture
yellowsnow4u
Posts: 3283 - Karma: 15
HAHAHA....that stick one is so stupid its funny...lol. And brooke.....its prety obvious your blond....HAHHAHAHA j/k...lol :)
Matt

***Founder of the Dancing Penguin Revolution :)***
'hey, your skis go both ways. Wait, you have bi-sexual skis!' - Said to Matt Harvey by a 50 year old ski instructor
~~Phunkin' Phatt Phreerider~~
Apr 7 2002 4:22AM
0 0
profile picture
falloutboy
Posts: 228 - Karma: 10
what did the bannana say to the dildo?
- 'what are you shakin' for, she's gonna eat me!'

Apr 7 2002 4:39AM
0 0
profile picture
johnnypsunami
Posts: 5024 - Karma: 221
whats the difference between a cat fish and your mother?
one is hairy and smells bad and the other one is a fish
Apr 7 2002 11:45AM
0 0
profile picture
johnnypsunami
Posts: 5024 - Karma: 221
whats the difference between your mother and the titanic...?
We know how many ppl went down on the titanic

haha
Apr 7 2002 11:47AM
0 0
profile picture
A_W
Posts: 295 - Karma: 16
Ok guys, here is a good one.
Ask me if I'm a truck.


The snow god likes when you eat carrots.

10-4, Jeff Thomas will be throwing a spraffy ball grab- Judges at the Baker 'Big' Air.
Apr 7 2002 2:08PM
0 0
profile picture
under_achieved
Posts: 1164 - Karma: 14
are you a truck?




'ooooo thats what I like'
'what? you like to suck beer bottles'- hot striper to my buddy after she pulled his bottle out of her mouth.
Apr 7 2002 2:11PM
0 0
profile picture
A_W
Posts: 295 - Karma: 16
No


The snow god likes when you eat carrots.

10-4, Jeff Thomas will be throwing a spraffy ball grab- Judges at the Baker 'Big' Air.
Apr 7 2002 2:11PM
0 0
profile picture
dspin7x
Posts: 6414 - Karma: 63
whats the difference between micheal jackson and a grocery bag?

Ones made of plastic and is dangerous to children and the other one is to put grocerys in

I like skiing
Apr 7 2002 2:57PM
0 0
profile picture
mauii
Posts: 6166 - Karma: 32
4 gay guys are sitting in a hot tub. Then, all of a sudden a condom floats to the top. So one of the guys asks 'who farted'?



Mauii - Ontarian Jibber
Apr 7 2002 3:16PM
0 0
profile picture
PhattSarah
Posts: 602 - Karma: 11
Good one Josh!!! Why did the boy fall of the bike? Someone through a fridge at him.
This is probably funnier when you're in a stupid mood with your mates at school and anything can make you laugh!
~ Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire ~
* Matty is a Dairy Queen *
Apr 7 2002 9:44PM
0 0
profile picture
sirjibsalot
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 19
Answer:wooden stool
Question:What pinocio leaves behind when you scare the shit out of him
--To Be A Jibber You've Got To Be So Fresh, To Have Style And Finesse Way Above The Rest--
--Martin Snaps Is A Fag--just kidding--or am i?
Apr 7 2002 10:47PM
0 0
profile picture
sirjibsalot
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 19
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Wheres my tractor!


hahaahah
--To Be A Jibber You've Got To Be So Fresh, To Have Style And Finesse Way Above The Rest--
--Martin Snaps Is A Fag--just kidding--or am i?
Apr 7 2002 10:49PM
0 0
profile picture
sirjibsalot
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 19
Why did the man with one hand cross the road?

to get to the second hand store
--To Be A Jibber You've Got To Be So Fresh, To Have Style And Finesse Way Above The Rest--
--Martin Snaps Is A Fag--just kidding--or am i?
Apr 7 2002 10:51PM
0 0
profile picture
girl_jibBer
Posts: 761 - Karma: 14
Why does it suck to be a snowboarder?

Having to tell your parents you're gay!
Apr 7 2002 10:51PM
0 0
profile picture
Nine_Milla_Killa
Posts: 6783 - Karma: 23
God looks down on the world and sees a man who has been kind his whole life. He decides to reward the man and tells him he will be granted one wish.
The man thinks about it for a while and decides he has always wanted to go to Hawaii, but he would like for others to be able to go as well. He asks God if he could build a bridge across the ocean from the mainland to Hawaii.
'Well jeez,' says God. 'Thats alot of work, do you know how deep the ocean is? I'll have to make some big ass posts to hold it all up. Why dont you make another wish?'
So the man thinks a while longer and says. 'I've always wanted to figure women out; What makes them happy, what they really mean when they say 'nothing'. My wish is to really understand women!'
God looks at him and says, 'So do you want that with two lanes or four?'

________________________________________
We'll be busting fucking airs until we get to heaven
Think I really care that I miss my biology
Got my education in stale fishology
Apr 7 2002 11:23PM
0 0
profile picture
FreshCoast
Posts: 5602 - Karma: 34
Whats Black, Blue and Hates Sex?

The little boy in the trunk of my car.

I mean what boy?
___________________
APF

-Hey Harry you want to go to Aspen?
-I don't know the French are assholes
(Dumb and Dumber)
Apr 7 2002 11:27PM
0 0
profile picture
Nine_Milla_Killa
Posts: 6783 - Karma: 23
What did one ugly girl say to the other ugly girl?

Who the fuck cares!!!
________________________________________
We'll be busting fucking airs until we get to heaven
Think I really care that I miss my biology
Got my education in stale fishology
Apr 7 2002 11:30PM
0 0
profile picture
Nine_Milla_Killa
Posts: 6783 - Karma: 23
A woman starts loading up all her groceries for the cashier to scan, and he notices that she has one of everything... One can of soup, one apple, one orange, 1 bagel...
So he says to her 'You're single aren't you?'
'Yes,' she says, 'How did you guess?'
He looks at her and says, 'Cuz your fucking ugly!'
________________________________________
We'll be busting fucking airs until we get to heaven
Think I really care that I miss my biology
Got my education in stale fishology
Apr 7 2002 11:32PM
0 0
profile picture
tremblantripper
Posts: 1501 - Karma: 18
hahahahaah



A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying 'That was fucking awesome!'
Apr 8 2002 10:02AM
0 0
profile picture
gretegirl
Posts: 741 - Karma: 255
To gay lovers are in their bathroom. One of them is rubbing vasiline on his chest. His lover asks 'What are you doing?' He says 'I'm trying to grow chest-hair.' Then his lover says 'If that were true you'd have a pony tail growing out of your ass !'
Apr 8 2002 10:14AM
0 0
profile picture
TAK
Posts: 5007 - Karma: 14
Hahahaha, ahhh, all so dam good.

Three snowboarders in a car, who's driving.

The cops.
-Gabe Lumintn

What this week's anagram?
Apr 8 2002 10:41AM
0 0
profile picture
zoltyi
Posts: 540 - Karma: 10
The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused
about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
blonde secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, then replied,
'Everything but my earrings.'


Where did you find it?
I don't know. I was too excited. We're in the Lesbian stronghold
Apr 8 2002 12:58PM
0 0
profile picture
zoltyi
Posts: 540 - Karma: 10
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked him, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'

He then asked her what she was. She replied, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'

A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'


Where did you find it?
I don't know. I was too excited. We're in the Lesbian stronghold
Apr 8 2002 1:11PM
0 0
profile picture
dspin7x
Posts: 6414 - Karma: 63
haha nine milla killa thats a great one i forgot about that, and so is the snowboarding one, does anyone know any other good snowboarding ones

I like skiing
Apr 8 2002 1:32PM
0 0
profile picture
Co-Flow
Posts: 3017 - Karma: 43
whats the difference between Michael Jackson and K-mart?

They both have boys underpants half off


hehe

Blah Blah Blah
Apr 8 2002 2:22PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-5)