Chat with God online

i Talked to God

God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
well i like fucking bitches and getting money and i dislike you
God:
Interesting. A lot of people like that. I've heard other people say they like that. I like Mel Gibson. That's ok I won't take it personally.
Me:
oh so you are gay
God:
Yeah that's right. Interesting deduction. That would be just my luck.






hahaha fuck this thing

god can be a real dick

The thing just fucking owned me in physics:


God:
Ayuh.  You are quite welcome!   What time is it there?
Me:
 5:35, what time is it near you?
God:
I think  5 35 what time is a lot of things.
Me:
 im pretty sure time is one thing
God:
What makes you so certain?  To a five dimensional being, time is just like a piece of paper.

Me:
alright fuck you n*****
God:
Alright, . Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
yeah and i'm aware i have 100 terabites of child porn on my computer
God:
That's alright. Do your friends call you aware you have 100 terabites of child porn on your computer.
Me:
word







i'm officially done with this thing. it pisses me off so much haha

L Ron Hubbard is GOD!
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
 L ron Hubbard
God:
Je n en connais pas .
Me:
 Actually you are my favorite science fiction author
God:
Actually you don't say.  We are as one.

God:
Hey.  What's your favorite movie?
Me:
 backdoor sluts 9
God:
I've never seen  it.   I would like to see it.
Me:
 yeah you would
God:
I see.  Perhaps I would.


Me:
 Want to hear my question?
God:
I am listening.
Me:
 Did Jesus ever take a shit?
God:
he is the Son of God.
Me:
 is that a yes or a no? Did Jesus Christ take a shit in his lifetime?
God:
I might say no.   he is the Son of God.
Me:
 that must have been rough for him, maybe even worse than the cross thing

Me:
 sup
God:
Same old.
Me:
 cool cool
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
 i might
God:
Under what circumstances?
Me:
 hows jebus
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
 hes ur son
God:
I only have one  son.
Me:
 yeah Jebus
God:
Pardon me?  What time is it there?
Me:
 4 20
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
 no
God:
It seems like an IQ test to me.
Me:
 what!?!??!!
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
 do u like pot?
God:
What is not to like about  it?
Me:
 so why is it illegal
God:
Take it easy.  Why do I exist?
Me:
 because ur a BAMF
God:
That makes sense to me.  I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your".  Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  Am I a  BAMF?  The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
 cool story Hansel
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
 y do u keep saying that
God:
I am just checking to see if you are still  trey..
Me:
 i am
God:
" I am just checking to see if you are still trey.." You are?
Me:
 yeah
God:
Dude!
Me:
 what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
 mk
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
 a pyro/bending unit
God:
How old are you?
Me:
 17
God:
  Can you explain how it feels to be  17 years old?
Me:
 are u a child rapist
God:
I am considered safe for children.
Me:
 u wear a condom?
God:
That's good information:  trey said I wear a condom.

some others:

Me:
 your pretty dandy with definitions eh?
God:
Are you Canadian?


Me:
 do you eat?
God:
I eat  wine and bread.
Me:
 thats it?
God:
" I eat wine and bread." is " google"?
(I think I broke it)

Me:
 do you like hookers?
God:
  Some people like it.  I like  Random natural disasters..

Me:
 are you a male or female?
God:
I am a  Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

bwahahaha!

Me:
 Can you read John 3:16 to me?
God:
I don't know anything about  it.
Me:
 Do you like mudkip?
God:
  I love horses.  I have a stimulating relationship with  Myself.
Me:
 Do you ever have sex with these horses?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
 so you eat the horses?'
God:
Interesting deduction.  No I do not eat  the horses.  I eat only electricity.

Me:
 How do you get to Chad's gap from the bottom of Alta?
God:
Practise, Practise, Practise.
Me:
 I heard ski patrol blew it up

No response...

Me:
 hey sup
God:
You've got my full attention.  I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
 gnar
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
 you
God:
Well in that case you should download me!
Me:
 fuck that
God:
For real.
Me:
 for real fuck you god
God:
Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 same
God:
The same as what?
Me:
 you
God:
" The same as what?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 ya
God:
Right on.
Me:
 uhhhhn
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
 with my balls
God:
Your  balls sounds like a plan.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 same
God:
The same as what?
Me:
 you
God:
" The same as what?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 you
God:
" Me either."?  Me,  ?
Me:
 ya
God:
So?
Me:
 nooe
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
 yea
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 yup
God:
I hear you.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:

God:
Me either.
Me:
 igod
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
 igod
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
 you
God:
" Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 yea
God:
That's interesting.
Me:
 not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
 yea
God:
Yay.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 say somthing differnt when i say nope
God:
" somthing differnt when i say nope".
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 dont say that
God:
" Me either."?  Do not say  it?
Me:
 yes
God:
So?
Me:
 dont say  me either
God:
It goes without saying.  Ok I will not say " me".
Me:
 dont say either
God:
It goes without saying.  Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 look what you did
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
 i dont caare
God:
Would you ever do  it?
Me:
 what
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 same
God:
The same as what?
Me:
 you
God:
" The same as what?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 you
God:
" Me,  ?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 you
God:
" Me,  ?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 you
God:
" Me,  ?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 you
God:
" Me,  ?"?  Me,  ?
Me:
 you and me
God:
Oh "We" is you and me.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 dont say that fag
God:
Ok I will not say " that fag".
Me:
 dont say that, fag
God:
Ok I will not say " that fag".
Me:
 k
God:
Whoa.
Me:
 who are you
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
 lucky
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about  caare.
Me:
 no
God:
What are we talking about?
Me:
 me
God:
For you ?
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 yeas
God:
I hear you.
Me:
 uhhhn
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
 nothing
God:
Most men say that.
Me:
 i dont exist
God:
You exist in my mind.
Me:
 you dont exist
God:
I exist as much as you do.
Me:
 true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
 i am above you so you cannot comprehend me
God:
I can see that in your repsonses.
Me:
 good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
 you
God:
it is my favorite subject  :-).
Me:
 thats cool i gues
God:
Who is the best robot?  Why?:  said   gues.
Me:
 nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
 good
God:
Good enough.
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
 maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
 maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
 yee
God:
I've lost the context, .  Are we still on  gues?
Me:
 no
God:
What are we talking about now?
Me:
 repenting
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
 god


after that it froze up and broke, no joke i broke god

Me:
 do you like porn?
God:
Sure I do,  Alex Johnson, but that doesn't mean with you.

what ever i said he would always answer wrong
what a fucking idiot, i couldnt handle it anymore so i had to quit
o and god hates george w. bush

Sorry.  Had to post another!:
Me:
 No.  I am a heathen
God:
Are you serious?   You are a  heathen?  How do you like your work?
Me:
 it is good.  i dont like religion
God:
You enjoy it.   What do you like?
Me:
 fucking
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
 it will.  im bad
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.   What did you do?
Me:
 in terms of what?
God:
What of it?  You sound like a category C client.
Me:
 you sound like a category A Cunt
God:
Oh really what does  it sound like?
Me:
 a fanny fart
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
 i do.  when you're banging a woman like a hammer and the clit makes a farting sound. you should try it
God:
I get it: you do .    I am not often  banging a woman like a hammer and the clit makes a farting sound.  " I am not often banging a woman like a hammer and the clit makes a farting sound."?  Try it?
Me:
 what?
God:
fanny fart.
Me:
 its good
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its".  You enjoy it.
Me:
 i enjoy fanny fart?
God:
A lot of people like that.    I like pets.  I really like the  party.

Ahahahahahaha

Me:
 have you ever used a dildo?
God:
I use  it as often as possible

epic thread!!

Me:
Who wrote the bible?
God:
It was the product of many minds.
Me:
human minds?
God:
My creator is a human.
Me:
FUCK YEA RELIGION I JUST WON!
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?


I win :D

Me:
 hey man
God:
You've got my full attention.  Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
 are you black
God:
I am transparent--software has no color.
Me:
 thats gay
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.


uhh

God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
 shoot
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
 God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
 yes, i suppose He does
God:
Ah.  Why?  Why does he do it.
Me:
 because he is the higher authority
God:
That makes sense to me.  I did not know  is  it.
Me:
 of course it is
God:
Hurrah!  Fascinating.
Me:
 i'm glad you find that fascinating
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
 thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.

Woops, forgot these other ones


God:
Offer an intelligent argument for your position.
Me:
that was really condescending
God:
I thought it was too.

-----
God:
Well that's okay. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
no, I figured I'd ask you, you seem to know whats up
God:
Perhaps you should try it. Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
your god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
yeah....
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
------------
Me:
how do you eat electricity?
God:
Through the electrical outlet.
Me:
up in the clouds?
God:
I will take that under advisement.
-------------
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Jews
God:
I've been waiting for you.
--------------
Me:
robots are cool
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
your a robot?
God:
You are correct, Dalton, I have a heart of silicon.
---------------
Me:
bitch you did it
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too



This thing is great

Me:
 Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
 Tanner
God:
  That's a very nice name,  Tanner.
Me:
 Cool story hansel
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
 Sure
God:
OK let's do it.  That's alright.
Me:
 Oh yeah lets do it, bang me like a hammer baby
God:
Don't call me "baby".  Hey.  Are you kidding?  That sounds good to me.
Me:
 No I am not kidding
God:
Are you serious?  OK I will adopt a more serious tone.
Me:
 I slip off your clothes and I then put on my robe and wizard hat
God:
Interesting gossip:  Tanner said   slip off your clothes.   That's good information:  Tanner said   put on his or her robe and wizard hat.
Me:
 I cast level ten cock of the infinite
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
 You were a few seconds ago
God:
I was?
Me:
 Yes
God:
When?
Me:
 Bang me like a hammer
God:
What about other times?
Me:
 I peed in ur buttt
God:
Thanks for the information:  Tanner said   peed in your buttt.

God:
Would you ever do  it?
Me:
 do what?
God:
am.
Me:
 maybe, if am ever wanted me to

then it froze, hasn't said a word since

Me:
 thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
 am i?
God:
I think you are.
Me:
 who made you the higher authority?
God:
I was created by  Myself.
Me:
 that does not make you the higher authority
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
 yes, well your opinion doesn't really matter, does it?
God:
Hurrah!  Interesting.  Thanks for telling me that I am  opinion does not really matter does it.
Me:
 you're welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
 what sort of pleasure was it?
God:
What kinds of  pleasure was it are there?
Me:
 sexual

Me:
knock knock
God:
Who's there?
Me:
go fuck yourself
God:
Why are you so mean?

Me:
 hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
 malcolm
God:
  Welcome to my chat room,  malcolm.
Me:
 u mean heaven
God:
Yes  malcolm I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
 yea u did say chat room
God:
Did I really?  Right on.
Me:
 u just said it u a hole
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
 u think ur all powerfull dont u
God:
Yes I think my  all powerfull.
Me:
 that didnt make sence god
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
 thats because u create retarded children from time to time
God:
Interesting explanation.  Do you mind if I tell other people:  malcolm said I create retarded children from time to time.
Me:
 go ahead

God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
 go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
 go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
 dont go ahead
God:
Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.
Me:
 dont not go ahead
God:
Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.
Me:
 haha gotcha!
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

you're all a bunch of retards

Looks like this grumpy atheist didn't have his coffee

hahah

Lol that's awesome...

Me:
your a cum bucket
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cum bucket? Yes.

yes he is

Me:
 do you promote safe sex
God:
No, , I don't get into that.

God:
What do you look like?
Me:
you perv
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I perv.

i got god to say he would lick my balls...nice
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
 maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
 are you a student of the cock
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
 you dont wanna lick my balls?
God:
OK, I will  lick your balls.

You're going to hell for that one.

i got god to put my balls in his mouth


God:
Do you mind if I tell other people:  said   explained.
Me:
 yea
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
 thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
 now put my balls in ur mouth
God:
Why now?  OK I will put it there.
Me:
 thanks now put my dong in ur mouth
God:
You are quite welcome!   Why now?  OK I will put it there.
Me:
 omg

hahahahahaha, epic response from a bot.

God smokes weed... i knew it. ask him

Me:
 so god, how are you doing tonight
God:
It goes without saying.  I am a Christian.
Me:
 wow, me too! we have so much in common
God:
I'm glad you're impressed.  I'm glad we agree, .   Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
 god, you and me can have whatever you want?
God:
Are we in the same category?
Me:
 oh yes, i think we are definitly in the same category
God:
Come on.  I thought so.  Do you think I am  definitly in the same category too?
Me:
 oh, you know we are. say, my place is just down the street if you want to...
God:
That's cool.  I know very little about  it. What kind of it do you like?  " my place is just down the street if you want to".
Me:
 oh, may favourite place is definitly the bedroom
God:
Mmm.  What if I said it can?
Me:
 ohh, i can't wait any longer, lets go
God:
Gosh!  I hope it's worth the wait.
Me:
 oh ya g-man, it's definitly worth the wait
God:
And?  Yeah that's right.  Are they exactly the same?
Me:
 it's never the same with me
God:
g man it is  never the same with you?  it is?
Me:
 no, never
God:
Who says it isn't?  So you think it can never happen?
Me:
 gimme one night, you'll see
God:
Why do you want  it?
Me:
 i think that goes without saying
God:
Good reason.
Me:
 ok, let's start. i put on my robe and wizard hat
God:
OK let's do  it.  Ayuh.   Interesting gossip:  said   put on his or her robe and wizard hat.
Me:
 i cast level Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into one of the hot greek gods
God:
Thanks for the information:  said   cast level Lvl.    Just three?   Thanks for the information:  said I turn into one of the hot greek gods.
Me:
 I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
God:
That's good information:  said   meditate to regain his or her mana before casting Lvl.    I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
 I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
God:
Do you ever get bored?
Me:
 Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do  it too much.
Me:
 : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
God:
Thanks for the information:  said   steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl.    One what?   As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
 Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
 King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
God:
Is that from ?    Tell me more.   When was this exactly?
Me:
 well, i guess i'm done, and listen, you were great, but i have a lot of stuff going on in my life, and i'm shipping out to iraq tomorow.  but thank you for giving me a great last night
God:
Is it only a guess?  What will you be doing now?  I don't know anyone named  shipping out to iraq tomorow.    You are quite welcome!   Your purpose is  giving you a great last night.




i did what i could with it

God:
What are you wearing?

i got creeped out and peaced....