oldschool joke thread...

'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

roys tiger after they nutered it^





'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

This guys eating this girl out and stops doing it for a second and says 'Damn this pussy's big.' 'Damn this pussy's big'

She looks at him and says 'I know but why did you say it twice?'

Dude says, 'I didn't'






'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

i'll post here just so aoe isnt alone
um...
two blondes walk into a building
hahaha, stupid blondes

-What
Happiness is an anagram for penis pash

whats yellow and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?
a baby with slashed floaties
whats red and yellow and floats on top of a pool?
floaties with slashed baby

-What
Happiness is an anagram for penis pash

Penis Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!







'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

-Pub-

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' the man replies. 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the bartender. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him?' the bartender manages to say. 'Tell him,' she whispers, 'there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.






'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

-A Hippie-

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, 'I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.' The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. 'If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you.'

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. 'I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me.' The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!'

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, 'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!'






'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

Questions that will always remain unanswered.



1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?'

6. If the 'black box' flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?

11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'Lisp' to have a 'S' in it?

19. Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'?






'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'

your mom!

'The whole fuckin' world's against us, I swear to God.' -Jay

'Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.' -Kitty

'Knife goes in, guts come out.' -Bart

'Hey, aren't you richard simmons?'
'Aren't you richard simmons best friend? Richard simmons.'

'A lot of people take a lot of time out of your life, at least this time you got a coupon.'

o wait i already did

'The whole fuckin' world's against us, I swear to God.' -Jay

'Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.' -Kitty

'Knife goes in, guts come out.' -Bart

'Hey, aren't you richard simmons?'
'Aren't you richard simmons best friend? Richard simmons.'

'A lot of people take a lot of time out of your life, at least this time you got a coupon.'

'well it looks like we fucked up and killed the only son of god because we're fucking gay like gay porn'