Replying to The biggest loser in the world

my friend told me this story about someone he knew from high school.  this guy has the shittiest life I've ever heard.  no one can top this.

this kid was 18 years old.  all he did other than work at mcdonalds was play pokemon on gameboy.  he had every version.  well that's all he did until he met the first girl who would have sex with him, an ugly redneck bitch.  he was immediately completely whipped and before long he knocked her up.

it gets much worse.  he decided to join the marines.  this kid is a shrimp, too.  so he joined the marines, but couldn't handle it, so he went AWOL.  he fled to the south where he proceeded to have sex with a 16 year old.  well, she said she was 16.  as it turns out she was ELEVEN.  her parents got him charged with statutory rape.  he hadn't been arrested yet, though.

then, while at a gas station, he got robbed at knifepoint and stabbed.  when the medics arrived they found out about the warrant for his arrest.  so he got thrown in jail.  then while in jail, they found out he was AWOL, and threw him in the brig.

if I were that kid I think I'd just kill myself.