Amusing Stories. Nothing more. Don't click if you get angry with pointlessness.

So for those of you who don't know I work at a summer resort as Social Staff (basically we just make sure guests are having the best possible time however we can) and one of our jobs is to dress up as various popular characters and greet people at meal times. Characters like Scooby Doo, Winnie the Pooh, shit like that. We're not supposed to talk in them but we always fuck around with the kids, for example whenever I'm Pinnochio I love to squeal "I'm a real boy!" as they're walking away then fake like nothing happened. Anyways... here's two classics because I'm bored as shit and I assume you might be too.

#1
So my cousin brought this girl home from a party and he was trying to, you know, do his thing but he had whiskey dick and couldn't get it up. So... being my cousin (ridiculous son of a bitch) he decides the next best thing is to... toss her salad. No joke. If it were anyone but my cousin, I wouldn't believe it, but you'd have to hear the stories about him.. Outrageous. Anyways, so she of course freaks the fuck out and runs off. Next morning he's dressed up as a lion and he goes up the front desk to talk to our friend Butler and he asks my cousin what happened the night before... while my cousin is in this stupid fucking lion outfit.

"Well... we were fooling around but uh... I had too much alcohol..."
"So...?"
"I... uh.. I tried to well... well I tried to tongue a certain part of her body that she didn't appreciate very much so... thinks didn't work out"

So of course Butler starts laughing his ass off and he calls over this old-ass lady who works at the front desk with him and instructs my cousin to repeat the story for her just to give him shit and he abruptly turns around and walks away, massive lion head hanging in shame in front of a crowd of people.

#2
So today my friend Cliff, big dude, is in the Mario outfit and he has the farts. Normally I relish having the farts in those outfits as it keeps kids away from me so I don't have to deal with them, but apparently he wasn't so clever. So he's holding in this monster and he's cramping up like he's about to die, and he knows he can't take it any longer so he decides to make light of the situation. These two brothers have been bugging him nonstop (which is why he hadn't let it go by now) so he turns to them and motions for them to pull his finger. They oblige, and of course Mario lets out this majestic trumpeting of escaping gas. The two brothers turn to each other like "No fucking way that just happened" and run to tell their parents, but they don't believe them. Epic.