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The best gaper quotes

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RICK_ROSS
Posts: 6983 - Karma: 3,343
somebody on the chairlift yesterday asked me what they did with the moguls at the end of the year?
i also gotten "what altitude do the dear turn to elk?"
Mar 10 2008 7:33PM
2709 528
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Gnarshmellow
Posts: 304 - Karma: 30
gaper son and dad:
gaper son having trouble buckling his rental boots, dad "here, we'll tuck your jeans into your boots so they dont get in the way"

NO! GAPER IN THE MAKING
Jan 18 2011 8:40PM
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rozboon
Posts: 1642 - Karma: 868
Up my 'local' hill one day, everything except the beginners area was closed due to wind so we were just messing around trying some stupid ass stuff.
Now, we don't look like beginners - we were on big skis, decent outerwear, gogs under helmets, blah blah.
But somehow a variety of ultra-skilled gapers decided we needed some help.

First we were trying to ski with our toes in the heel-pieces. It's good fun, especially when the brake pops down and you go head-over-heels faceplant when racing your friends.
However after one good bail some guy skis over to me and starts explaining which way around my skis go. After all, I probably got confused by the turned up tails...

Next up we were trying to run up to our skis and literally jump into both bindings. This is much, much harder than it looks. Half the time you end up on your stomach with your bindings popped up.
Several people decided we needed some help, and stopped to offer advice on how to put skis on.

The best was in the line for the tow. I turn to my friend and ask him loudly how you do this thing again, it looks very scary. Some gaper dude overhears us and starts giving me a big lesson on how to ride the tow. When it was my go I turn to the guy and ask, like this? And ski out just like he told me, only facing down the hill. He's like OH NO OH NO NO NOT LIKE THAT. Lifty hands me the platter anyway and I head away switch while flapping like a madman. Gaper dude just stood there and looked confused. Good on him for trying to help though, I guess...

Jan 19 2011 12:35AM
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alexg1687
Posts: 1505 - Karma: 1,581
thats a lot like asians teaching asians to drive.....the outcome can never be good....
Jan 19 2011 5:18AM
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eheath
Posts: 61604 - Karma: 123,121
*homie leo hits jump and does ill cork 9 blunt*

WHOA! that was so sick. I think that was tom wallisch!!
Jan 19 2011 5:35AM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
i dont know if i posted this, but some lady asked me what the functionality of a big jacket and baggy pants was. i couldnt really give her an answer....
Jan 19 2011 7:00AM
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Kimbo~Slice
Posts: 522 - Karma: 194
I find it funny how people thought that you were being serious. it's like when peter griffin forgets how to sit down on family guy!
Jan 19 2011 11:17AM
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Aaaron.
Posts: 11817 - Karma: 903
answer= "you already know it's hard out here for a pimp"

Jan 19 2011 12:55PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
Nah, not that, you say, "It's functionality is to confuse you about it's functionality."
Jan 19 2011 1:32PM
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treecery.
Posts: 1375 - Karma: 148
So first off everyone on ns knows that when the chairlift stops its bounces slightly right?

Well, a ski patrol at my home mountain was yelling at me and a couple friends on the chair for not having our bar down.

He told us that the reason we need the bar down at all times is because if the chairlift stops abruptly it has been known to bounce and shoot people off the chair 10 to 15 feet in the air...
Jan 19 2011 2:56PM
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Potguy
Posts: 125 - Karma: 147
That happened to me once but then I dub corked and landed on the ground below and afterbanged it
Jan 19 2011 3:00PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
OHMYGOSH ITS OHMYBOSH!
Jan 19 2011 3:20PM
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sack
Posts: 4881 - Karma: 147
it does happen... but at my mountain bar down is only mandatory for small children and children in lessons. otherwise you can choose.
Jan 19 2011 3:22PM
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KillaSeason
Posts: 3495 - Karma: 1,774
gotta love Bristol ski patrol
Jan 19 2011 3:28PM
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*TURBONERD*
Posts: 15081 - Karma: 9,158
wut
Jan 19 2011 3:51PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
Potdog has his icon.
Jan 19 2011 4:42PM
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Aaaron.
Posts: 11817 - Karma: 903
"i was working on my 360s yesterday. then i smoked a fatty. it was a good day"
Jan 19 2011 7:11PM
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Scootr
Posts: 23 - Karma: 11
goin through the little on the way to the big hitting up little rails 2 inches off the ground Gaper: WOAH DUDE HOW DID U DO THAT U...LIK GRINDED I THOUGHT U COULD ONLY DO THAT SNOWBOARDING. I AM STILL LEARNING TO GO OFF THE JUMP.
Jan 19 2011 8:30PM
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marlon-d
Posts: 33 - Karma: 9
i just have to ask. why not have the bar down? are you just to much of a neato dude. or just too lazy?
Jan 19 2011 8:33PM
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E.FARR
Posts: 1297 - Karma: 25
just kinda more comfortable..you can sit in diff position..can move around more..kinda a personal preference though..but on windy days..i definately put it down.
Jan 19 2011 8:56PM
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SlimDunkin.
Posts: 2065 - Karma: 361
That sounds like a good day to me
Jan 19 2011 9:11PM
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Jamerson
Posts: 346 - Karma: 10
"aw yea i was like hiking over there, and me and my brother had to hit this like 20 foot cliff!...well actually it was like 2 10 foot cliffs..."
Jan 19 2011 9:29PM
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basedjase
Posts: 2510 - Karma: 640
This guy on the lift yesterday hops on the lift, and honestly only like 1 second after sitting down (keep in mind we havent even left the "base" of the left yet) and yells "BAR DOWN!" and proceeds to slam the fucking bar down as hard as he could without even looking to see if anyone was in the way. Conveniently i was, and it hit me right on the back of my neck. Sweet.
Jan 20 2011 1:54AM
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Gustenhoff
Posts: 109 - Karma: 112
look good feel good
Jan 20 2011 3:14AM
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sagaRIP
Posts: 287 - Karma: 12
What do you do when you get on a ski lift? Try to suck your own dick?
Jan 20 2011 8:15AM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
...Maybe brushing the snow off his skis?
Jan 20 2011 11:11AM
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mmallender.
Posts: 5805 - Karma: 936
well i know i dont try to put the bar down before my feet have even left the snow....
Jan 20 2011 11:58AM
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thisisastickup
Posts: 597 - Karma: -24

If you really bother brushing snow off of your skis, you deserve to be nailed with the bar.

I've been leaning over unbuckling my boots and had the bar put down on my back, almost knocking me off of the lift. Of course it was some fucking gaper dicknose at PC. Fuck bars, if you're dumb enough to fall off of a lift, then you deserve whatever happens to you.

Jan 20 2011 1:34PM
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YoungQuinton
Posts: 613 - Karma: 98
funny one today from school:

While sitting in home room today.
kid 1- "you ski right?"
Me- "yea i do."
kid 1- "well....CAN YOU SKI CROSS LEGGED???"
Me- "I've never felt the urge to try that, so i guess not..."
kid 1- "HA!. Well then bobby (kid 2) is better than you!"
*kid 2 proceeds to talk about how he accidentally got some air off of the lip of a little flat rail.*

Me- "You didn't hit the rail?"
kid 2- "No you get way more hang time if you jump off right before you get to the railing."


after this happened i instantly thought of this thread.
Jan 20 2011 4:27PM
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KillaSeason
Posts: 3495 - Karma: 1,774
Whats the trick name where you cross your skis and how to do it?
Jan 20 2011 4:58PM
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Canuker
Posts: 4730 - Karma: 165

I dont see the problem here lol

Jan 20 2011 5:00PM
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-Dan
Posts: 7134 - Karma: 51,838
teehee i'm aware as to what's going on in this post.
Jan 20 2011 5:23PM
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rickroller
Posts: 2468 - Karma: 483
haha ya that kid...
Jan 20 2011 5:29PM
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.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799

PROOOOOOOO

Jan 20 2011 5:59PM
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rozboon
Posts: 1642 - Karma: 868
Just saying... it wasn't like we had jeans tucked into half-buckled rental boots and a $20 nylon shell on. It wasn't exactly a huge challenge to tell that we weren't giant gapers that genuinely couldn't work out which way our skis on.
Jan 20 2011 6:27PM
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-NO-
Posts: 39 - Karma: 10
"You would think with the huge snowboard park they would open up some more slopes for skiers"
Jan 20 2011 9:54PM
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Heinzler
Posts: 1931 - Karma: 125
i see what you did there..
Jan 20 2011 9:58PM
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POWDER.RANGER
Posts: 1698 - Karma: -24
my mom always warns me skiing backwards will wreck my skis...
Jan 22 2011 2:54PM
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207
Posts: 8969 - Karma: 3,846
Fat Gaper in my school: I have the best pow skis ever they rip it up so hard!

Me: what are they?

Fat Gaper: Volkl Race Tigers! They make such nice turns!

Me: yeah I'm sure, (jokingly) are they center mounted!?!!

Fat Gaper: what does that mean?

Me: Are you skis mounted in dead center?

Fat Gaper: Of course! Every ski is, where else would they be mounted.

Me: Oh, bye.
Jan 22 2011 3:08PM
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Gypsy_Skier
Posts: 2666 - Karma: 5,237
the gapers on my mountain are so entertaining. i saw the funniest thing happen today.

scenario: guy with a baseball cap skis in to park with his wannabe gaper son with no helmet. the son hits this midget box and faceplants. he gets up quick, and skis over to the end of this down flat rail so he can let his dad have his turn on the box.

son says''I bet u dont dare dad!''. so, in response to this, dad says ''u wanna see me ski on that bent rail there (the down flat)?''.so sure enough, he goes for it. the kid is still at the end of the down flat.

he hits it straight, gets threw the down part, and then goes flying forward once he hits the flat. the son, standing right there, gets hit by his dads skis in the back and face. kid severy injured to the head thanks to his dads gaperness AND thanks to that, the rails were closed for the rest of the day.
Jan 22 2011 3:23PM
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Canuker
Posts: 4730 - Karma: 165

the scenario was funny but the fact that the kids severly injured isnt that funny

Jan 22 2011 4:04PM
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E.FARR
Posts: 1297 - Karma: 25
yea i agree..... its not funny when hes severely injured...














then its HILARIOUS.
Jan 23 2011 12:48AM
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Profpimpcain
Posts: 395 - Karma: 62
We have a point pass system at my resort, you purchase 100 points at a time an and you're riding on the chairlift takes points (all on scanners) 15 points for the most popular lift 10 for less popular ect ect.


Some gaper came up the the ticket window and said "so it takes 10 points to get up lift #5 right?"


Ticket window lady "yeah"

Gaper "then, how much does it cost to come back down?"
Jan 23 2011 1:32AM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
Yesterday i got on the lift from the singles line with a guy that was on some wicked old kastle straight skis. As we were loading on to the lift, his ski came off, and he proceeded to freak out. the liftie tried to put it back on his foot for him, and the guy was grumbling at him for supposedly doing it wrong. I then noticed that his boot was about 2 cm smaller than the bindings were set for, and told him that there was no way it was going to work. he muttered something at me, like it was my fault, and walked away.

Same day, same thing; got on from the singles line with these two like 9 year olds, one of whom was telling the other that he finally got his friend to ski with goggles, because he didnt want his eyes to dry up and fall out while skiing.
Jan 23 2011 6:18PM
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Lemuel
Posts: 14494 - Karma: 10,640
Don't forget the one from today:

"Is there a competition going on here or something?" At the bottom of the pipe and slope course at Dew Tour.
Jan 23 2011 6:37PM
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shithawks
Posts: 516 - Karma: -16
"i aint ridin one of them chair thangs"
woman from texas at whistler standing in the green chair line
Jan 23 2011 6:44PM
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Pee_and_Ski
Posts: 1869 - Karma: 57
saw a liftie today get bitched out for not stopping the lift to lift two kids on the lift for the parents, it was funny
Jan 23 2011 7:03PM
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friglesnart
Posts: 68 - Karma: 10
Two gaper snowboarders on my bus on the way up to the hill.

Gaper #1 "Dude, we gotta go hit up the training park today"

Gaper #2 "Yea, I just got a helmet, my mom got me one after I sprained my wrist last week, it'll help"

Gaper #1 " I gotta get a helmet, I don't wanna sprain my wrist"


All the while me and my snowboarding friend are trying sooo hard no to laugh.
Jan 23 2011 7:46PM
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The.Ginger
Posts: 978 - Karma: 13
not that funny but i get this a lot

my aunt- so you ski right?
me- yeah
my aunt- do you ever go in that place with the snow ramps and such?
me- um, yeah
my aunt- so you snowboard?
me- no, i ski
my aunt- so you switch to a snowboard when you go on the ramps?
me- no, i ski in the park
my aunt- oh...
Jan 23 2011 7:58PM
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YooperSteeze
Posts: 1248 - Karma: 45
All of my family and parents friends think that I snowboard because I hit jumps, or they think I ride "trick skis." I showed them a gopro video of me skiing in my yard, and they all freaked out when I hit a rail, calling me crazy, then I 180'd a two foot quarter pipe and they thought I was amazing. And everyone, even park skiers, ask me why I have two different boots on, and then to proceed to ask if I ordered two different boots just so they'd look like that.
Jan 23 2011 9:45PM
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e.wait
Posts: 869 - Karma: 1,954
in reference to my goggle tan:

"what's on your face?"
Jan 23 2011 10:30PM
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