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The best gaper quotes

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RICK_ROSS
Posts: 6983 - Karma: 3,343
somebody on the chairlift yesterday asked me what they did with the moguls at the end of the year?
i also gotten "what altitude do the dear turn to elk?"
Mar 10 2008 7:33PM
2709 528
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mmallender.
Posts: 5805 - Karma: 936
i agree this is getting ridiculous
Dec 17 2009 2:07PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535

But most are real.

Dec 17 2009 2:11PM
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treebeard
Posts: 3667 - Karma: 2,001
i think you're wrong
Dec 17 2009 2:14PM
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mmallender.
Posts: 5805 - Karma: 936
not even close
Dec 17 2009 2:32PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535

Recent ones seem real, but I have been misguidingly wrong before. So I challenge to do so. Unless you have an internet lie detector, I don't see a way of proving them false besides those new members whose stories seem blatantly false.

Dec 17 2009 2:34PM
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treebeard
Posts: 3667 - Karma: 2,001
anyone with even the slightest bit of common sense can tell most of these are made up.
the first 15 or so pages were great. now it's just become a place for all the newbs to make their first post
Dec 17 2009 2:37PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
Sigh.. Well I guess I can only guarantee that I'd never make up bullshit. I swear all my stories to be real once I get a funny one.
Dec 17 2009 5:01PM
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Brenone
Posts: 4944 - Karma: 296
with the exception of a few stories this thread lost its luster 15 pages ago.
Dec 17 2009 5:10PM
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Brian_Peppers
Posts: 534 - Karma: 54
first post!
Dec 17 2009 5:44PM
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*TURBONERD*
Posts: 15081 - Karma: 9,158
and full of bullshit
Dec 17 2009 5:47PM
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TheWiseOne
Posts: 858 - Karma: 24
.
Dec 17 2009 8:21PM
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gotsteez
Posts: 13 - Karma: 10

gaper-i like your skis

me- thanks dude

gaper-do they make you better?

me- yea man forsureeee i can ski like simon dumont with em (sarcasm)

gaper- isnt that guy a comedian?

me- .....sure

Dec 17 2009 8:30PM
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WTFunk
Posts: 84 - Karma: 15
"your poles look to short"-little racer kid in the lift line
Dec 17 2009 8:30PM
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jason...
Posts: 9006 - Karma: 780
That guy should have knocked you out. You're not funny, at all.
Dec 17 2009 8:58PM
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Boggnarly
Posts: 115 - Karma: 12
I did a backflip then a gaper was like WHOAH NICE BACKFLIP then i fucking stabbed him




-_-
Dec 17 2009 9:05PM
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KneeDrop
Posts: 641 - Karma: 1,487
That wasn't even a good attempt at a lie...
Dec 17 2009 9:06PM
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Aaaron.
Posts: 11817 - Karma: 903
your NS career is off to a pretty good start.
Dec 17 2009 9:13PM
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Mr.Huck
Posts: 6096 - Karma: 14,901
Not gaper quote but funny story. 

Article had recently come out in GQ magazine.  A couple of ski instructors were interviewed and talked about all the women clients they had slept with.  Everybody thought that every ski instructor was a sleaze; some might say that's true.

Around that time, I am riding up the beginner chair lift with another instructor.  We hear this guy instructor yelling "SWALLOW, SWALLOW" super loud.  Everybody on the lift looked over.  We are all thinking that this guy is getting a hummer in the trees.

I later find out that he was teaching this girl who had a disability.  When she skied she had to concentrate so hard that she would forget to swallow and would have drool flopping behind her. 

What was so funny was the look of complete shock on the faces of everyone on the chairlift and on the beginner hill who heard it.  Everyone completely thought that some guy was getting a BJ on the side of the beginner hill. 
Dec 17 2009 9:37PM
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Cincher
Posts: 3403 - Karma: 535
That is pretty funny...
Dec 17 2009 10:16PM
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Fischer-Addicted
Posts: 1064 - Karma: 30
gaper father: that kid thats jumping in the park will ruin his knees for the rest of his life.
gaper father proceeds to hand his amazingly obese kid pringles.

then theres always the usual.

gaper: are those twin tippers?
me: i guess
gaper: i dont understand why people use those
me: dude, your wearing jeans tucked into your boots
Dec 20 2009 9:21PM
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xxMdahlxx
Posts: 552 - Karma: 15
when talking about bindings:

gaper- ya, I was gonna get the jesters but the gtiffons look like the exact same and they were like 100 bucks cheaper.

me- good for you
Dec 20 2009 9:48PM
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PaleCelery
Posts: 7228 - Karma: 609
Whats gaper about that? Chances are he doesnt need a 16 DIN binding if he is a gaper, and they ARE the exact same thing, except for the different DIN settings.
Dec 20 2009 9:56PM
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xxMdahlxx
Posts: 552 - Karma: 15
he wasnt talking about din he was just talking about like cosmetics
Dec 20 2009 10:05PM
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ndye
Posts: 3756 - Karma: 7,094
While standing at the top of the gondola at snowbasin last year a gaper aproached me and asked if i knew why she couldnt get into her bindings, she was slamming the toe of her boot into the heelpiece and could not understand what was wrong
Dec 21 2009 11:45AM
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*TURBONERD*
Posts: 15081 - Karma: 9,158
lol at the first one if it is real
Dec 21 2009 12:02PM
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wameron
Posts: 1233 - Karma: 1,222
it snowed a shitton in NoVa this weekend so i built a little kicker at the hillnear my house. then i came back the next day and there were all these little kids hitting it with their sleds and kind of ruining it but i thought nothign of it. i then moved a big snow boulder out in front of the jump so that i could jib it and have some fun to which i started getting yelled at by these dads who were threatening to call the cops on me.
Dec 21 2009 12:31PM
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PaleCelery
Posts: 7228 - Karma: 609
lol no surprise there.

tell em to build their own kicker.

or build yours even bigger lol and hope for fatalities
Dec 21 2009 12:44PM
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Spacekroft
Posts: 1332 - Karma: 41
do this
Dec 21 2009 12:51PM
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TheDude
Posts: 2058 - Karma: 117

snow loop?

either that or a JOSS recreation jump

Dec 21 2009 1:40PM
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clark.
Posts: 308 - Karma: 14

I got into a conversation about how people shouldn't be skiing fat skis at our mountain cause we never get any snow. Then this happens:

gaper: I don't know why anyone would want to ski wide ski's. They're heavy.

me: Powder skis are fat so that they float on top of deep snow.

gaper: When I lived in Colorado, I skied double blacks and did the cliffs on race skis

me: Why?

gaper: Fat skis are too heavy and I can float fine on my race skis.

Race skis are heavier than almost any other ski I've come across.

Dec 21 2009 4:40PM
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steezemonkey
Posts: 369 - Karma: 35
now who has not herd this one before

'What are them baby poles for'
Dec 23 2009 10:07AM
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lilwhiz165
Posts: 502 - Karma: 47
i third this
Dec 23 2009 11:53AM
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Greg_o
Posts: 316 - Karma: 82

Middle age lady walks up to a lifty all stressed "I think there's a gas leak, what's going on"

I figured it was the sound of the snow guns, couple with snowmobile exhaust.  She was freaking out though.

Dec 23 2009 12:02PM
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=FAIL=
Posts: 536 - Karma: 47

1.    "stop wrecking the trees dude" after I had just been caught in an avalanche. was pretty big and I as still on top of the debris but he never asked me if I was alright or anything.

2.    gaper: "Why are you dressed like a snowboarder?"

      ................................................

          Me :  "And how do skiers dress exactly?"

            pretty funny silent staring contest all the rest of the way up.

3.    Gaper kid in a lesson: "man your a pro, can I ski with you?"

                           Me: "once your  finnished your lesson bro"

               Kid turns and asks his coach what bro means haha!    By the way, I have a broken collar bone and was skiing really shitty becauuse I have no balance due to illness.

ALL OF THESE WERE TODAY.              

Dec 23 2009 2:58PM
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thebeesknees
Posts: 3660 - Karma: 160
havent heard that one before...
Dec 23 2009 3:29PM
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steezyjibninja
Posts: 1 - Karma: 10
lolz
this gaper just ran over my brother as we were getting out of the park and it was by a begginer run.
so im likechasing him down and talk to him
Me: dude WTF you just ran over my like 7 year old brother
Gaper:yea so
Me: dude ya shoulda stopped ass hole
Gaper: i cant help it i was born to go fast
and he said that in the THICKEST souther accent

Dec 23 2009 4:05PM
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*TURBONERD*
Posts: 15081 - Karma: 9,158
dude i totally believe that that happened!!!!
Dec 23 2009 4:10PM
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Brian_Peppers
Posts: 534 - Karma: 54
wow inspiring
Dec 23 2009 6:20PM
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Raptor.
Posts: 784 - Karma: 255
my dad- "I was watching the snowboard terrain park for a while. They have a different one for skis, right?"
Dec 23 2009 6:40PM
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Governator
Posts: 116 - Karma: 18
gaper lady taking my table as I was getting up from lunch at beaver creek:

her: have you guys been up on grouse mountain yet?
me: we're about to head up there...
her: it's pretty tough up there, are you guys good skiers?
me: we're okay....
her: oh well raven ridge (a catwalk) wasn't too bad...you're able to relax a little bit on that run
me: thanks for the help
Dec 23 2009 11:00PM
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Steezy_IN_KC
Posts: 2033 - Karma: 1,607
My EX girl friend (snowboard gapper)

Me: go slow, turn and sit if you go to fast.. )i have no clue what i am saying never even touched a snow board.)
HER: Okay can do...(starts to bomb the hill... starts heading left!!!)
ME: SIT DOWN!
HER: Hits and then flips over a orange guard protecting the lift...(broken wrist... to gnarly)
Ski gapper: interjects going up the lift OWWWW... i remember my first time!
Ski gappers mother (great skier): IT IS YOUR FIRST TIME!
HER: I FUCKING hate you! talking to me and the kid...

needless to say thats how she became my ex
Dec 24 2009 2:12AM
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Rockhound
Posts: 3432 - Karma: 851
random gaper girl: holy hell, those look terrifying
father, less gaper: what looks terrifying?
random gaper girl: those swing things, they look so unsafe!(points to chairlift)
Dec 24 2009 10:06AM
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icantskiiFILM
Posts: 2113 - Karma: 140
the worst is when they constantly ask what kind of camera you have and the "long thing" at the end of it.(my 35mm adapter)
Dec 24 2009 10:57AM
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j_hamborg
Posts: 560 - Karma: 745
"Hey, cool 360! But how come you bring your knees up and grab your skis? Trust me, it looks way better when you keep your knees straight when you spin."

...just awful...
Dec 24 2009 11:48AM
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=FAIL=
Posts: 536 - Karma: 47

Fucking hate stuck up fathers who treat everyone other than their sons as their employees.

 (hope that makes sense)

But yeah, do this.

Dec 24 2009 1:19PM
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SHampson
Posts: 2355 - Karma: 1,180
"those are some fat twin tips you got there!"

They were moment rockers.
Dec 24 2009 1:37PM
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*simba*
Posts: 9125 - Karma: 512
So yesterday was the first day I got gaper quotes, and I got alot.
First: We have a complimentary ski check at my Mt. so I went to check my skis and poles in. I have short Line pin poles and the guy checking them said "Why are your poles so short?". Me- said nothing. Guy- "Get some longer polls or I won't check your skis in any more.

Also a few days ago the same guy told my friend who had his pants sagged that this is a family run Mt. and if you don't pull your pants up I'll pull your pass" lol.

Second- I have a G suit and I was hiking a rail and these kids on straight skis start hiking it too doing 50/50's. One of them says "Nice jacket, are you sponsored?"

Third- On the same rail I was learning surface switchups and right when I completed my first one I hiked back up and was pretty psyched and one of the gaper kids there said "That wasn't a switchup, that was a swivle." what?
Dec 24 2009 2:09PM
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j_hamborg
Posts: 560 - Karma: 745
LOL some lifty tried beaking me about my poles claiming they were way to short!
Dec 24 2009 2:20PM
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Zoro
Posts: 1253 - Karma: 37
a swivel is a snowboard term for a surface switchup
Dec 24 2009 3:25PM
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Kcin
Posts: 1845 - Karma: 58
GAPER: HEY DID YOU JUST DOUBLE BACK FLIP?!?!?!
ME: YEAH!^&%!*$@!*&
GAPER: WOW YOU'RE SO GOOD MAYBE SOMEONE ON NEWSCHOOLERS WILL READ THIS COMPLETELY TRUE POST
ME: YEAH I KNOW IM SO GOOD
GAPER: CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH
ME: NO BECAUSE I'M TOO GOOD

WHAT A FUCKING GAPER AM I COOL YET
Dec 24 2009 3:29PM
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