Replying to NEED HELP

ok, so me and friends passes got pulled because my friend changed and was in boxers and a tee on the bus and i guess thats really bad or something
but pretty much the only way to get my pass back they said is to write a letter of apology
  
this is what i have so far
"Dear Tamarack Department of Transportation and Resort

I am deeply sorry for the way my friends and I behaved on the Tamarack Express on 2 March 2008. I fully understand that the way we acted, by using profanities, inappropriate talk/ conversations, and for my friend changing in a public area, it was inappropriate and offensive towards other passengers on the bus. In the future, if I am allowed onto the bus I will make sure to behave accordingly, and hopefully keep my friends from acting out as well. "

is this legit or not?, anything i should say?