i hate to get in depth with this to prove you wrong, but it has to be done...
when standing up, the ass cheeks are closed together, thus making it harder to get to where you need to be. when sitting the cheeks are spread so all you have to do is tilt and wipe, it is much more efficient. also much easier, and you don't look like a retard doing it.
REFERENCE:
Now I can't generalize about all males out there, so please don't be offended if you don't fit into the group I'm about to describe. Okie dokie, let's have a little chat about skids. Skids? Yes, skids, ya know, the brown residue left in your underwear after busting ass, OR inefficient wiping of the anal region? I'm sure you fellas aren't the proudest when you walk out of the bathroom, shit-stained underwear and all....afterall, what kind of man are you if you can't even wipe your own ass decently? Not only are you embarassed by your new brown little secret, but everyone else in a 5ft radius of you also knows you did a shit job of wiping (quite literally). But that's not even the worst of it. You boyfriends and husbands who get your ladies to do the laundry- yes we know it was you who had a bad bathroom day, not only by the smell radiating off of you, but by the actual proof: not-so-whitie tighties or crusted poop residue on the ass seam of your boxers. Do us all a favor and take the necessary steps of cleaning up your mess. Better yet, how about you prevent the brown underwear devil itself. The following is a list I've come up with to help you with your problem:
1. wiping position- I will bet you 10 bucks that skids only happen to dudes who try the standing-up wipe. IT DOESN'T WORK. You need to be sitting down with those ass cheeks spread to have access to the most ass surface area. Standing up to do it may get you outta the bathroom quicker, but a hefty price (aka massive skids)
2. wiping technique- It's pretty self explanatory, but I'll discuss it incase you weren't paying attention in Potty Training 101. When you wipe, you continue to do so until there is no brown left on the TP. Yes that means you'll officially be called a "looker", but it's the lookers who have the cleanest asses, so suck it up and just look. There is no way to gauge the progress of wiping just by the feel, and even though it's fuckin weird to look at your shit, ya gotta do it!
3. avoiding the infamous clog- I know some of you don't like to use too much TP for fear of clogging the toilet (it's just as bad as being shit stained). Here's a lil technique that'll ease those fears: depending on how big your shit was, you've got a good 3-5 wipes before you'll need to flush. Don't sweat it if you're on wipe 5 and you're barely seeing a decrease in poop on your TP. There's nothing wrong with multiple flushes. It is time consuming, but well worth it.
4. get to the bathroom when you first feel the poop urge- Holding your poop back (aka butt cheek squeezing) will work sometimes, but don't always bank on it. For hard poop, I give you the green light to hold it sometimes, but don't make it a habit. Soft poop, well that's a gamble, so it's your call. Watery poop should NEVER NEVER NEVER be held back because as many of you probably already know, it can get thru even the tightest of clenched cheeks. All in all, it's just better to go when you're body tells you, even if it'll inconvienience you.
5. bring back-up underwear with you- for those just starting out with trying to avoid/prevent skids, it's wise to bring an extra pair of underwear to work (keep them in your car or desk). If you soil your pants, you'll have fresh ones awaiting you. What to do with your soiled pants? You have a few choices:
a). Leave them right next to the stall, no one will ever know it was you
(don't flush them, you'll end up with a clog). Plus what a laugh you'll
give the guys at work, all joking about the poor dude who messed his
pants!
b). Take them home with you and throw them out of the window while driving.
That'll certainly give the road clean-up crew something to smile about.
c). Use them them as revenge for someone in the office you hate. Imagine the
look on their face when they open their desk drawer and find them.
Alternately, attatching them to someones car antenna will work too.
6. do your own laundry- If you happen to have a bad day in the defecating dept.,
simply do your own laundry so that us girlfriends/wives don't even know. Plus you doing your own laundry MAY win you some brownie points :)
I think that about covers it. Now go out and fight the good fight.
*BTW- chics don't get skids, because we already know all of this stuff :)
