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100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

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Darc686
Posts: 335 - Karma: 10
ROFLCAUST

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_chat_rooms/
Jan 15 2008 12:43AM
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pmills
Posts: 7162 - Karma: 59

terrable and scary. how can people be so ignorant?

Jan 15 2008 12:59AM
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[tightpants]
Posts: 1529 - Karma: 17
Wow. Just... wow.
Jan 15 2008 1:16AM
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doublexl
Posts: 8407 - Karma: 27
Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son









oh....my....god...
Jan 15 2008 1:20AM
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doublexl
Posts: 8407 - Karma: 27
[about a girl being born with mental disabilities]

This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god

if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state

Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this

god tests every one of us [emphasis added]


this is just too much...
Jan 15 2008 1:24AM
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Alex_G
Posts: 11902 - Karma: 1,019
...wow
Jan 15 2008 1:26AM
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doublexl
Posts: 8407 - Karma: 27
[Replying to 'as for not seeing evolution it takes several million years... incase you missed that memo...']

several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.



ahahahahahaha!!! K, im done.
Jan 15 2008 1:26AM
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garrett.
Posts: 9304 - Karma: 3,670
several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years.
Jan 15 2008 1:30AM
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mmallender.
Posts: 5805 - Karma: 936
Are these people ACTUALLY this stupid? I honestly don't understand how someone could be that ignorant..... 

"Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!"

Are you for real?
Jan 15 2008 1:36AM
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Schoellkopf
Posts: 1300 - Karma: 122
I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!





hahahaahahahahahahahaha.....holy shit, that's funny
Jan 15 2008 1:36AM
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[tightpants]
Posts: 1529 - Karma: 17
Yea that one made me laugh for like 5 minutes
Jan 15 2008 1:38AM
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james44
Posts: 3323 - Karma: 578
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?
Jan 15 2008 1:50AM
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SHastatahoe
Posts: 3414 - Karma: 20
lol.
Jan 15 2008 1:52AM
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james44
Posts: 3323 - Karma: 578
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie




hahah 4 words
Jan 15 2008 1:52AM
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iggyskier
Posts: 10447 - Karma: 10,020
We are all fucked.  Just so you know.....
Jan 15 2008 1:54AM
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gmack24
Posts: 4636 - Karma: 31
hahahahhahhah, all you religious people are PSYCHO


Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it? The Prince of Pain, GameTalk [Comments (341)] [2007-Jan-01] Submitted by Savrin
Jan 15 2008 2:16AM
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Mr_Bojangles
Posts: 2585 - Karma: 16
NSG rarely induces this, but I'm actually speechless.
Jan 15 2008 3:33AM
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freezed
Posts: 12973 - Karma: 500
It's gotta be a joke.
Jan 15 2008 3:36AM
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Holte
Posts: 10740 - Karma: 7,816
Some of those are pretty hilarious, most are simply what should be expected from any extremist viewpoint.
Jan 15 2008 4:11AM
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Shorton
Posts: 2889 - Karma: 13
me niether...
Jan 15 2008 5:17AM
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zesty_buddy
Posts: 880 - Karma: 28
You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.





i mean like wtf?!
Jan 15 2008 6:34AM
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comeatmebro
Posts: 10720 - Karma: 66
wow. this site cannot be real, that shit is unbelievable.
Jan 15 2008 6:39AM
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bangarangmules
Posts: 5065 - Karma: 84
ahahaha this site is really scary
Jan 15 2008 7:37AM
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hart62
Posts: 352 - Karma: 10
"Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is."

My personal favorite. Apparently, this so-called "gravity" is just another made up theory that scientists are using to hoodwink us.
Jan 15 2008 8:25AM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13084 - Karma: 18,731
Click for larger image


Jan 15 2008 8:48AM
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unchyll
Posts: 4554 - Karma: 96
DINOSAURS
Jan 15 2008 9:18AM
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lushlaxstr
Posts: 3063 - Karma: 41
hahahaha i hate people
Jan 15 2008 10:10AM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
'There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.'

Oh good lord...
Jan 15 2008 11:12AM
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Alexander_Keith
Posts: 3204 - Karma: 25
This is why I laugh when people call the Muslims the fundamentalists...

We got em too!!
Jan 15 2008 11:25AM
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mothaeast
Posts: 2923 - Karma: 13
these are so ridiculous, but i cant imagine how crazy the actual chatrooms must be, just think of how they are responding to each other. one person says one of these stupid things, and everyone else is like, "amen, word of god"
Jan 15 2008 11:41AM
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VT_FLO
Posts: 3806 - Karma: 147
"Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes... what can I say?).

The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.

It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English. "






Yeah, because english was around in bible days... NOT
Jan 15 2008 11:51AM
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MESKI
Posts: 942 - Karma: 220
wow i couldn't even finish reading all of them, even though they are hilarious it is disturbing how ignorant people are
Jan 15 2008 11:58AM
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user098123
Posts: 6072 - Karma: 18
"A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

[Yes. It should (be legal). Otherwise you're screwing over the women who don't deserve their fate.]

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe."

wow.....

and then this one,

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
Jan 15 2008 12:09PM
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PASKIINGSUCKS
Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777
"When two guy's have sex they can only penetrate eachother through the crack which I think is disgusting because of all the crap that's in there. They both must face the same direction and thus one guy's twig and berries will be projecting from the two. Because no man has a vagina they can't become one flesh when having normal sex.

Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate eachother and become one flesh.

Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.

Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.

Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.

When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face."


Apparently you can tell how moral your sex is by how many appendages are hanging out in the open, oh and you have to bone face to face I guess. 


Jan 15 2008 12:09PM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13084 - Karma: 18,731
[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

"god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us. "

"several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years."

Wow, just...im speechless

Jan 15 2008 12:50PM
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bigdaddytmac
Posts: 1448 - Karma: 14
Ahaha thats a fuckin good one.
Jan 15 2008 2:20PM
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ISkiSwitch
Posts: 3157 - Karma: 22
That's my favorite. lmao
Jan 15 2008 2:51PM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

uscchica09, BibleForums.org [Comments (40)
Jan 15 2008 3:20PM
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Pipe_Munky
Posts: 10888 - Karma: 2,184
actually i know several people that "found god" and they're pretty down to earth people that have liberal views as well.


i agree that some are real closed minded idiots but to say something like that makes you just as bad. imo, closed minded, intolerant people are the worst breed of human on the face of the planet




Jan 15 2008 3:35PM
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John.
Posts: 1327 - Karma: 11
Sooo bad....


"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol"


Jan 15 2008 3:41PM
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wilkesyachtingco
Posts: 4425 - Karma: 41
hmmmmm adolph? is that you in there? way to be a bigot.
Jan 15 2008 3:42PM
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salamander
Posts: 815 - Karma: 16
half of these have got to be jokes
Jan 15 2008 3:47PM
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slaydave
Posts: 1697 - Karma: 62
im a christian and i find this completely absurd...
Jan 15 2008 3:55PM
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mellifluous
Posts: 1682 - Karma: 68
just stick to skiing, ok...
Jan 15 2008 4:22PM
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mellifluous
Posts: 1682 - Karma: 68
word
Jan 15 2008 4:29PM
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Microcosm
Posts: 4765 - Karma: 153
ahahahaha. I have a physics test tomorrow on gravitation. what if I put that as of of my answers.
Jan 15 2008 4:29PM
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gmack24
Posts: 4636 - Karma: 31
lol how can you be christian after that...I know all of their views are extreme, but christian views are identical, just in different words. It's all b.s. dude, sorry.
Jan 15 2008 4:35PM
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wilkesyachtingco
Posts: 4425 - Karma: 41
aaaaaaand welcome to the idiot wagon.
Jan 15 2008 4:36PM
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al_britskiier
Posts: 419 - Karma: 23
"how come we cant speak monkey"
haha gooolldd
Jan 15 2008 4:37PM
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pmills
Posts: 7162 - Karma: 59

The thing is, if you truly are a Christian, and hold the beliefs of your religion, (i.e. read the bible literally) than you shouldn't find this stuff absurd. 

** controversy alert**

If you don't agree with what these people are saying, and you still call your self a Christian, then you are a product of secular knowledge and scriptural ignorance. Religious moderates betray faith and logic equally.

(influenced by sam harris "end of faith" -- if you've read the bible, you should read this book too, and probably some dawkins, just to be a critical thinker)

Jan 15 2008 4:51PM
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wilkesyachtingco
Posts: 4425 - Karma: 41

so... let me get this straight.... you cant be a christian and believe in gravity? okay... you cant be a christian and not hold that athiests are out to kill you? 

please do help me understand how that works, since i never did see the principle of gravity addressed in scripture.

Jan 15 2008 4:56PM
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