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Posts: 1861 - Karma: 16

Karma: 16

Posts: 1861

Insane

Alright. I just want some sound advice from you guys. When I was a senior in high school, heading into college, and to be precise, this whole situation happened about a month before everyone shipped out to college...(august '04) I found myself in relations with my friends girlfriend. It wasn't sex or anything serious, in fact nothing past making-out, which sounds very gay but it is what it is. So, he found out about 6 months later and now it is roughly 4 years later and I am buying the guy lunch in hopes to issue an apology. To provide you guys a time frame, it happened in late august of 2004 and I am finally facing the issue in late late 2007. This is the ultimate instance of putting off
skeletons in the closet but me and the guy are (were) pretty close and I hadn't seen him in roughly 3 years until I was at the bars the other night and came across him. I know exactly what I want to say and hopefully need to say to him, but I feel like the issue has gone sooo sour that it won't make a difference.

The only reason I bring it up is because I was playing beer pong with one of his buds/ my buds tonite (it has been a social divide ever since it happened) and I was talking about having a beer pong tournament tomorrow and I asked if the kid in question (the kid of the girlfriend who I made out with) wanted to come, and my long time best friend said, "no way man, that kid hates you..."

So, from there I tried to understand why he actually hates me, and hate is a strong word, I have known the kid since kindergarten and all I wanna do is make it right between us, despite some chick being in the middle.

I am not gonna lie, this is a call of desperate measures...

I am calling him when I wake up tomorrow to ask if he would meet me at a restaurant or whatever on me, GAY JOKES ASIDE, and I would put it all on the table and tell him how it happened, and so I could apologize, so we could finally mend our relationship and the social gap that has existed since we went into college.

I would really really really appreciate some thoughtful advice because I feel that every word I choose is vital to making this kid realize that what happened was a regrettable and hopefully forgivable circumstance and that we can restore our relationship and all the friends we had, most importantly including him.

Seriously, all easily-made jokes aside, I want to know what you guys think I should say...

I am not shook by the whole situation, its just that after all this time the issue has made itself very precious and I would hate to see something real crumble over some very fake girl....

Dec 28 2007 3:18AM

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eheath

Posts: 61590 - Karma: 122,949

Karma: 122,949

Posts: 61590

Play Ball

Question, is he still with the gf or did his relationship end because of you and if neither when did it end etc? Sounds like hes got a horrible grudge and you apologizing will probably fix it all seeing how you're in your 20s now.

Dec 28 2007 3:23AM

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Utahpowderskier

Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14

Karma: 14

Posts: 1336

Insane

well, if its been since 2004 since you really talked to this kid, you probably dont miss him too much and things have probably solidified themselves where they are. If you feel a burning need to patch things up with this kid, fine. Go for it. But more than likely, you wont ever be super close to him. You made out with his gf after all...

Dec 28 2007 3:25AM

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snowforblood

Posts: 1861 - Karma: 16

Karma: 16

Posts: 1861

Insane

Alright, both of the first two posters raise good points. I actually don't know if the kid will forgive me because of the fact that the issue has been growing mold for some time. And to set everything aside, the girl who I made out with convinced me one night when we were drunk that she was gonna dump him heading into college, well she didn't until the end of the 2nd semester aka spring '05.

I completely realize that it was my fault, it was, intoxications and everything aside... fault doesn't escape you upon sobering up...

But the reason it is such a huge issue is because my circle of friends, and lets consider both of the social pools to be large for arguments sake, and his circle of friends are essentially the same and the kid who ratted me out, and I hate to call it that, is still stoking the fire...

and at this point it wouldn't pay, after apologizing, to accuse the kid who has been instigating...

I ask these questions because it is in fact a very sticky situation and normally I would see a logical way out, but I can't for the most part...

I am REALLY just hoping that the kid I offended will realize that him and I joked in class and partied on weekends together for 13 years before this bullshit happened and hopefully we can start laughing again...

thanks in advance guys

Dec 28 2007 3:34AM

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IcePointa

Posts: 1879 - Karma: 19

Karma: 19

Posts: 1879

Insane

I'd be sure to call him a few days in advance and mention you want to talk some things over, so that he doesn't have a knee-jerk reaction to the subject being brought up again and has some time to think about it rationally.

Just be sincere in your apology, and if he's a friend worth keeping things will probably work themselves out alright.

Dec 28 2007 3:41AM

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eheath

Posts: 61590 - Karma: 122,949

Karma: 122,949

Posts: 61590

Play Ball

Well seeing how you didnt break them up, i cant see why he would be so touchy about it still. Just talk to him and if he doesn't accept tell him to grow up and dip out.

Dec 28 2007 3:44AM

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pho[tog]rapher

Posts: 2618 - Karma: 494

Karma: 494

Posts: 2618

Addict

Well of course you have to start off by recognizing that you were at fault. If you get into things by making excuses, he's going to tone you out immediately. He's probably going to want to chew you out a bit- and by all means, let him. You're not going to be doing yourself any favor by trying to cut him off with if's or but's.
I think you your meeting just really needs to not focus on the incident so much as it does that you're howww old now? it was the end of highschool, bitch lied to you, etc. I mean, from my point of view, he should be equally as mad at her. But that doesn't matter, because you're his buddy, you fucked him over, and years later you're still paying for it.
>>Which makes me realize that you need to pay for his meal and buy him a drink when you go out...
I think you can't really do anything other than listen to him. It was some odd years ago so nothing can be changed. If you still have contact with the girl, I advise you cut that off. But other than that, give him room to talk, fully agree with everything he says, and reiterate your apologizes.
If he isn't going to be your friend after all of this (time, apologies, dinners) then i really don't even think that it's worth your time to persue his friendship. It does sound like you two were close, and let me say again.. you DID fuck up, but if he, at this point in time, can't be mature about it and be your buddy, then just forget about it.

keep us posted.

Dec 28 2007 3:49AM

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snowforblood

Posts: 1861 - Karma: 16

Karma: 16

Posts: 1861

Insane

I just want to clarify that I am not making any excuses and that the whole situation was seemingly sabotaged but it doesn't matter because something was sacrificed unknowingly as a result.

I agree with the girl who posted above me, and I have for some time, and my closest friends have said the same exact thing in argument as to whether or not I should sincerely apologize...

the girl came onto me relentlessly going into college with statements of "oh my parents hate him... we were going to break up before college anyways..."

of course I invested in her cheap talk, it presented an great image of grandeur, however a lot of my friends have mentioned that if he really was upset about the situation why would he choose in re-establishing friendship relations with her and essentially excommunicating me as a result...

and it wasnt even like questions were asked... it was instantaneous that I was banned from his social circle and his relationship with her, be it hooking up or a friendly gesture, continued no questions asked...

despite my fault, I have always felt that I was the easier out to the problem... and the years passed haven't helped my situation and I just want to reach even-keel again...

Dec 28 2007 4:05AM

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