I fucking love this thread.
I just moved into my Mom's house so I can get better financial aid. When I arrived, she brought me to the Waffle House and pulled out a premeditated list of concerns about me living with her. She compared me to her ex-husband, my Father, damn.
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"Hey, beer at 4:00 o-clock, alllriiight :)" - Joe
"you know what Joe, fuck you." - Mom
*stunned* "you know what Mom, when I say that to my buddies, they'd say Cheers". She felt bad and said I'm right.
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She makes fun of my long hair. I tell her not to make fun of it. She says she's not making fun of it - it's just stupid. She overheard me asking my sister for advice about whether or not I should get a haircut and she tweaked. She was driving and I had to grab the wheel. She said, and I quote "I will not have my face dragged across the tar!!!"
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"Are there still clothes on the carpet in your room?" - Mom
"yes" - Me
"K, you need to take them off..." - Mom
"Why? They are clean, dry, and in my closet." - Me
"Mildew." - Mom
"Huh?" - Me
"There will be mildew." - Mom
"How?" - Me
"I'm telling you." - Mom
"but why? I don't understand how mildew is formed on a dry carpet..." - Me...
I walk to my room..."It's dry up there..." - Me
"IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY SAY IT TO MY FACE..." - Mom. I walk back and stand in front of her and politely say "Mildew requires moisture to form."
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"Ha, you bought Molly 4 pairs of moccassins in two XMas'" - Joe
"Don't drag me down. I won't take this shit" - Mom
"Don't swear, please" - Joe
"I won't stand for this negativity. (I told her not to be negative, last week). ..." - Mom
"I actually just thought it was funny... you're the one swearing with a beer in your hand" - Joe
"~it's not funny you can't put me down I won't take it I spent my hard earned money she can take it whether she likes it or not, she probably won't even call me on xmas. I can drink as much as I please"
"you're drinking is disgusting." - Joe
"aw"- Mom sarcastically she starts yelling at me and swearing and attempting to make an argument that I'm bringing her down during xmas. As If. I back off and leave and relax. I walked back into the room and said "you're drinking scares me. and when you swear at me, that scares me." - Joe
"you knwo what I can swear liek a drunken sailor all I want."
"I don't like you're attitude" - Joe
"I will not have you expect me to just let you kick me around and expect me to lie here ( she's been standing all night) with my mouth shut and you know what it's christmas..." - Mom, She seems like she wants drama. She assumes I hate her.
I am trying my best to just remember the facts.
"I thought about it like it was a comedy. (I really thought it's classic. she always makes jokes about someone in the family giving bathrobes out annually). But your swearing scares me." I leave again, in pain, witholding my urges to tell her to go to hell, fuck off, or anything. She seems too vulnerable, after all. I kept an eye on her because her emotions seem scary and dangerous. When the neighbor, Charlie, arrived, she was cheerful with big "Hey Hey". She called me and asked to talk to me please. She showed me Charlie's moccassin and told him in a cheerful polite way with me standing next to them that I had a "silly idea that 4 moccassins is too many".
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My older Brothers and Sisters swore their heads off at her. I'm thinking about trying that out.
My buddy scares his Mom in her sleep and plays pranks and steals her car in broad daylight and throws spears into her plants and hides behind the door when shes carrying groceries and scares the shit out of her so she drops them and catches squirrels and puts them in the laundry room and steals her wine and weed and answers her super serious questions about college, jobs, etc. with "poopnugget." That also, is a path I may find myself going down.