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Worst sex exsperiences thread!

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solitaryman
Posts: 3578 - Karma: 123
there is one of these on my other fav. forum and so i thought id bring it here the other one has lasted like 180 pages so lets hit it up!

mine = i was fucking my ex when my grandpa came over for dinner twas really akward.
Nov 4 2007 1:10AM
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MC_POUTINE
Posts: 1380 - Karma: 112
one time i was gettin dome and i skeeted all over her face and in her mouth and right then she sneezed and blew my jizz all over me
Aug 18 2008 9:34PM
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MC_POUTINE
Posts: 1380 - Karma: 112
another time there was this girl whod never kissed a guy and i some how convinced her jack me off but she was so bad that about 2 minutes in i just said this hurts and left
Aug 18 2008 9:39PM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
are you fucking kidding me?
buy?

jesus christ
Aug 18 2008 9:41PM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
O

M

G

That is hilarious, and the Fresh Prince part was just icing.
Aug 18 2008 9:56PM
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Obsessedwski
Posts: 2261 - Karma: 71
HAHAHA
Aug 19 2008 12:09AM
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WikiWiki
Posts: 5584 - Karma: 426
ohhh shit-that was the best set up ever- i cant belive it- the two metre dick i thought was just u messing around and htne bam
Aug 19 2008 12:14AM
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pho[tog]rapher
Posts: 2618 - Karma: 494
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH i hope this is a true story. ahahahah that's awesome
Aug 19 2008 12:43AM
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MC_POUTINE
Posts: 1380 - Karma: 112
its true sadly. backfire
Aug 19 2008 12:47AM
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Flakes
Posts: 85 - Karma: 10
was real wasted doin this chick on a carpeted floor. I woke up in the morning and couldn't bend my knees. I then realized i had the worst rug burns ever known on my knees. Hurt for like a week. It was real funny story to tell my friends though.
Aug 19 2008 12:47AM
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MC_POUTINE
Posts: 1380 - Karma: 112
CLAIM: THE WORST STORY EVER
my homie was eating a girl out with a jolly rancher in his mouth. he dropped the jolly rancher in the pussy. then he went fishing around with his mouth for it. once he found it he bit down on it and pus gushed into his mouth. what he bit into was a giant festering herpes wart. i swear its true

Aug 19 2008 1:11AM
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beezey
Posts: 9027 - Karma: 427
That story has about 3 different versions, now i don't beleive the cum sneeze.
Aug 19 2008 3:05AM
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cfox
Posts: 2286 - Karma: 38
colt 45-afroman
Aug 19 2008 4:09AM
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Mezmerize19
Posts: 6475 - Karma: 18
I heard that story like two years ago. I dont eat jolly ranchers because of it though
Aug 19 2008 4:18AM
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kiwi_as
Posts: 421 - Karma: 189
should've tried to lincoln loop that shit. NEW GOAL IN LIFE!!!!! that would be the best claim ever, im so gonna try it if i ever get half a chance hahahahaha
Aug 19 2008 5:59AM
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thathyphykid
Posts: 174 - Karma: 14
im sorry. im happy i don't  know what that is like. haha how old are you?
10?
Aug 19 2008 6:58PM
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VCharette
Posts: 4276 - Karma: 1,047

lmao that's fucking funny!!!

Aug 19 2008 8:29PM
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C_Nelson
Posts: 99 - Karma: 75
some good storys
Aug 20 2008 9:49AM
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Dhane
Posts: 3866 - Karma: 1,722
girl thought she was massaging my dick or something with her teeth, terrible, absolutely terrible
Aug 20 2008 10:08AM
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pmw
Posts: 5760 - Karma: 831
ive heard that exact same story before..but the girl put it in her vag, and told the kid to go find it
Aug 21 2008 12:27PM
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jo-shmo
Posts: 142 - Karma: 39
Jolly Ranchers!!!!

You havent been able to get them in the UK since I was 4, no-one remembers them!
Aug 21 2008 1:00PM
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Brows.
Posts: 1497 - Karma: 13
heard my sister and her boyfriend in the room next me..... not a fun expeirence
Aug 21 2008 1:08PM
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inactive
Posts: 4772 - Karma: 97
yeah, now the backfire story is ruined
Aug 21 2008 1:25PM
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Dbouch
Posts: 1059 - Karma: 13
So this one time i couldnt get it up and this bitch is getting all pissy about it so im like hold on, so i go down stairs to the computer and watch tom wallisch's superunkown from like a year ago and BAM! the BANG gave me the bone.  True afterbang. laaawwwlz.
Aug 21 2008 1:53PM
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jason...
Posts: 9006 - Karma: 780
hahahahahaHAHAH i laughed so hard at this
Aug 21 2008 2:03PM
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Sky.
Posts: 1158 - Karma: 287
mad funny thread classic
Aug 21 2008 2:32PM
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tommihq
Posts: 905 - Karma: 11
I was super drunk at some random persons flat and i really didnt know anyone there. There were really no good looking girls or nothing to do so i went to the bedroom just chilling. Then i saw this chick and this guy in the bed and i just sat there. Took me like an hour in my drunken state of mind to realize that they were fucking. They probably like me a lot now, glad that i probably dont see them ever again
Aug 21 2008 4:14PM
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JP4KILLA
Posts: 19 - Karma: 33
hmmmkay. funny, not bad but i was 15 years old. Hammed out of this world. I just met this girl had no idea who she was and my friend and i had just arrived into town. SO basically my friend really wanted her and i knew it wasn't happening. So we were sitting up in the mountains in his car as he was getting to hammered to talk. He then goes out to throw up so that girl got on top of me and we start making some happy time ya knaw mean. so i start tickling the goodies so to speak as she sits on his center consol and he gets back into the car totally oblivious to what is happening due to his condition. So we keep going at this for a little bit until we decide to go down the mountain because it was getting too dark. So we get to her hotel parking lot and we start talking and yada yada. My friend then goes and passes out in the back so i get in the drivers seat. We continue the shinanigans until she stops and says lets fuck. So i was like word up and at this time i was on crutches about 3 weeks out of knee surgery so i just sat there in the front seat and she took off the pants and hopped right up. So we did the ditty for a little bit and she moaned like a wilderbeast for awhile. After awhile i realized i was too drunk to do this so i had her give me some thunderdome. Then all together i gave up as the half 1/5th of mo and 40 werent sitting too nicely. Anyways we then talked for awhile until we both realized my friend was still in the back almost dead ha. so we see if hes aight and he is so i drive to the other end of the lot to let her out. so thats the end of that. Anyways it would be raterded for me to drive because i am fully against drunk driving and i was not licensed i waited for him to come to. I shook him awake and he starts freaking out like where am i what happened blah blah and i just waved the condom in his face. He didnt talk to me the rest of the night. It turns out this girl was 18 year old model from sweden. wohoo
Aug 21 2008 5:08PM
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Public_Enemy0255
Posts: 2994 - Karma: 17
oh my god..im sorry but this has happened to me before...its so disgusting...my boyfriend doesnt seem to care but it always makes me feels like a freak and it does happen more frequently with doggy style! hahah man i thought i was the only one.
Aug 21 2008 7:10PM
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schlopy
Posts: 818 - Karma: 7,015
hmmmm ns is a kinky place
Aug 21 2008 8:06PM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
Tom Wallnuts does it again...
Aug 21 2008 9:46PM
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theres_ghosts
Posts: 875 - Karma: 13
for you^^to?
Aug 21 2008 9:48PM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
Fuck, ya! That Jiberish vid was equal to sex. The afterbang to a great bang.
Aug 21 2008 9:55PM
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MC_POUTINE
Posts: 1380 - Karma: 112
what kinda sex are you havin?
Aug 21 2008 10:08PM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
Mediocre.
Aug 21 2008 10:10PM
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skiunit101
Posts: 162 - Karma: 16
haha this one is shitty
friend is doing his girlfriend which is hot as fuck and they were fucking and after a while he decided he needed some lube and he usually keeps a bottle next to his bed and someone earlier that night filled it up with some jack daniels and he put it on his dick and it burnt it so fuckin bad haha but he decided to finish her off cuz he deff is not a quiter..specially when it comes to sex
Aug 21 2008 11:44PM
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adrianms
Posts: 162 - Karma: 86
Not that bad of a experience ? : D
Aug 22 2008 9:07AM
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chapz
Posts: 10182 - Karma: 66
so i dont know if this is true or not, im pretty sure it is. its a friend of a friends story


so this girl puts 3 skittles in her vag and is like, take them out of my pussy. so the guy goes and eats her out, but he ends up finding 4. the 4th wasnt a skittle, it was a herpes bag....


this one is deffs not true, its like an urban myth haha.   a girl, who's home alone decides to sit on the top of her fridge. she start playing with herself and uses a broom for pleasure(the handle side, not the broom itself). so she starts inserting it and right about when shes gonna orgasm, her rents walk in, the chick falls on the ground but on the broom. the broom goes thorugh her all the way to her stomach and she dies. this cant be true,
Aug 22 2008 3:21PM
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beckywhe2
Posts: 416 - Karma: 71
HAHAHAHahahaha
Aug 22 2008 3:28PM
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iluvBread
Posts: 1519 - Karma: 38
hahah owwwww 2nd one sounds really really painful
Aug 22 2008 3:29PM
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coltonOFdoom36
Posts: 49 - Karma: 10
I tried to poop on her and pissed accidentaly on the dog
Aug 22 2008 4:36PM
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Obsessedwski
Posts: 2261 - Karma: 71
that's just nasty
Aug 22 2008 5:27PM
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alex.k.
Posts: 305 - Karma: 30
had to get Plan B once and the pharmicist was hot...nuff said.
Wrap that shit up Haha.
Aug 22 2008 9:45PM
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skrilla_MAC
Posts: 517 - Karma: 10
i was doing this chick when i heard someone cough and there was some kid sitting in the corner watching us.
Aug 22 2008 10:31PM
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treebeard
Posts: 3667 - Karma: 1,994
naahh dude i heard about the second one like a year ago. i 100% believe that
Aug 22 2008 11:51PM
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skiunit101
Posts: 162 - Karma: 16
14...she was 18 and a half at the time haha
Aug 23 2008 12:08AM
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fezz
Posts: 542 - Karma: 28
this thread needs to be bumped
Jun 23 2009 12:26PM
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yojimbo
Posts: 3631 - Karma: 27
when you want it so damn bad but your too damn drunk so your trying anyways and it just goes awful.
Jun 23 2009 1:24PM
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C-Weezy
Posts: 786 - Karma: 50

i feel your pain bro, shit hurts.

Jun 23 2009 1:37PM
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tyberesk
Posts: 446 - Karma: 41
I have two good ones.

I was in Georgia at my aunts house with my girlfriend at the time. We were staying in her sons room....getting frisky in a racecar bed. While i was getting a nice blowjay about to blow it someone walked into the door. She jumped down and i fell back while i was blowing it and blew it all over her face and on this kids racecar bed and it was everywhere haha. Good times


I was throwin a party at my house a few days ago and this bigger girl asked me to go upstairs with her so she could grab one of my hoodys because she was cold. When she was asking me this i was hooking up with another girl on the couch of my basement, so i should have known something was up. When i got up to my room she slammed the door closed locked it....and literally pounced on me. I pushed her off of me and ran for my life. The rest of the night she was crying and...EATING CHEESE PUFFS lol.
Jun 23 2009 5:09PM
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samwise
Posts: 2592 - Karma: 36
I wasn't really directly involved in this sex story per se, but I'm going to tell it anyway. I was at an after prom party at the beach one time, and these two kids go upstairs to fuck. Apparently, the condom broke, and they came down freaking out. I was the only one over 18, and they begged me to buy them a plan b pill. Me being the generous gentleman I am, got a D.D. and a whole crew of kids to drive down to CVS to get this bugger.
I walked up to the lady and asked her for the plan B pill, only to learn that the person who is taking the pill needs to be there. In my drunken stupor, I replied, "Oh... She's not here. Cya!" And walked away. I met my group of kids, who weren't about to go home empty handed. So me and a female friend approach the desk a second time, and respectfully request the pill again. The old woman working behind the desk wasn't having any of it. She said she wasn't selling us anything, it was too iffy. At this point, a third buddy came up and claimed that the female friend was too embarrassed to ask for the pill, and that she was actually the one taking it.
After some pleading and sweet talking, the hag finally cracked. As she handed over the bag, she asked the female friend, "Are you sure you really want all these guys knowing your business?"
"Yeah, I guess I'm pretty trashy," she replied as she grabbed the bag and waltzed out.
Not really crazy but I thought it was kinda funny.
Jun 23 2009 5:35PM
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