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Dumbest thing ever said to you on a ski mtn
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ok so this seemed like a good idea now that im laughing at what some guy said to me a few weeks ago ok....
so im in the gondola by myself cuz we take singles to get to the top faster and this is what some old guy says to me
old guy:
" so whats up with your skis they have two rounded tips"
me: "yea they are twin tips i ride in the park"
oldguy: "huh then why are they so damn long, those are the longest skiblades i have ever seen"
ok so i didnt really know what to say i tried to explain to him and not be pissed at the same time but i couldnt get any real words out of my mouth exept "wow you're a fucking retard" so if anyone asks why your skiblades are super long just tell them they are retarded and to die in a fire i guess
oh by the way they are full size twin tips not snowblades if anyone gets confused
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So i was at vail for a day on monday and theres a guy, who first of all was wearing some sort of animal ears on his head. hes talking to his friend and hes says.
"if we keep going up(i would assume he meant the lifts) well never get down!!" i just looked at him stupidly and i was like "duh"
i also had a woman tell me that i was dangerous because of the rooster tail that you get off twins. she said i could make someone go blind.
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hahah yeah some guy was saying that same thing to me he was a dumb ass hes like wow those are sweet ass skies he never saw them before i guess hahah peolpe are fucked up!!!
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i asked someone what time it was today and there was a clock right behind me. it was embarasing
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My little 4 year old cousin sees my ski's and looks at them for about 12 seconds and with a confused look on his face he says, "Hey i think your skis are broken". And later that day my friend was on a pair of Line prophets and this old guy says to his wive "hey look honey what a clever idea" the wife said "what" he said "that young man has but ski bindings on two snowboards" and then the funniest thing ive ever heard by the wife "no you idiot those are skis"
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well me and my friend were gonna take this table last year it was like 60 feet and you had to bomb all the way from the top of the park just to clear it so were bombing down and barely anyone has hit this all year cause its so sketchy to not get enough speed. so weve got this big crowd watching us as we bomb down and this guy and his kid ride up onto the actualy lip of the jump each on both sides and just watch us ride down. so of course we stop there being about 2 feet of space between there skis and kinda stand there not knowing what to say so the guy goes...why didnt you guys hit it you were going fast enough. some girl on a snowboard that was kinda near the jump yells up at him...CAUSE YOUR IN THE WAY FAGGOT...he looked at her then looked at me and said....oh im sorry i didnt realzie bye. and skied off
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yea i ski at gore, if you want to see some gaypers go saturdays it gets riddiculously crowded but i have to admit watching little gaypers get wrecked cuz there is a jump with a natural landing and the top of the lip drops like 5-6ft i think its kinda hard to tell when youre riding over it and they ride off it then fall face first onto a flat, always cheers me up if i had a bad run last time through the park, if you ski at gore a lot try to get into the Gore cult
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My grandpa teaches at Western!
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sweet. i can't wait to go.
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haha i got an alright one, i was wearing a condom beanie, adn sum liftie asked me if i kept cookies in there, and i cut in front of sum people in the lift line and had some fat texas tourist hit me like 10 times with his pole adn told em to wait my turn
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hahaha Lil G...pshhh....no poles pshhh
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hahah this happenned today ummmm wait wtf? i just had it ummmmmmmmmm
gaper: hey, what are those? hes pointing down off the lift u see
me: moguls
him: what are moguls
me: bumps
him:what do u do on them?
me: ski on them
him: o they look hard
me: not really jsut boring
him: can snowboards go down?
me: yea
him: o i think ur bullshittin me cause i couldnt go down that
me:... ye u can
him: no i cant
and then i just refused to talk to him
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You mean the snow flying off the back of the skis? I like that, it keeps people from skiing behind me. A friend of mine was yelling at me about it, I told him to stop trailing me so closely. :D
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ehh it does get kinda annoying if ur skiing in a group and its loose granular (aka small ice balls) conditions
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thats what i told her. dont follow me so damn close then
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this just happened today!
i was going up a tripple....seven brother at loon....and its a pretty slow lift cuz its old...plus it kept stopping cuz people who dont know how to ride chairlifts seem to flock to this one....and im on with these two guys...must have been like 15 who are trying to be all ghetto and think they are the shit and every other word out of their mouth is fuck.....one had some ok skis that his dad prolly got him...and the other who was trying the hardest to seem wicked cool had sraight old floresnt salomons, he says "wow this is the slowest high speed quad ever" and i laughed and his friend goes "dude its a tripple, and its not supposed to be high speed" and the other kid is like "o well it should be going faster then this its fucking slow".....then he tried to convince his friend that if they wanted they could just ride the lift down and not get off that he did it all the time.
then earlier in the day......this kid with like pinkish redish organish bright pants on is at one of the pocket parks...and there is a lil jump....maybe a 5 foot gap if that....and hes like to me "is this LMP" which is the name of our big park. and im like no but u can hit the jump and the box and cut through the woods over to the big park....hes like o LMP i want to go to LMP, and his friends started laughing....but he was acting like such a gaper it was almost as if he was joking...i was 1/2 expecting him to pull at least a 3 off the jump....instead he doesnt even clear it....i was like wow this kid does not need to be ne where near the big park....plus loon isnt that big....and its not hard to find the park...ne one who needs to ask how to get to it....or who asks if a 5 foot jump and a flat box are the big park is an idiot
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"why did you cut a snowboard in half and put bindings on it?"
"Why do you have tips on the back of your skis, i can do whirlybirds too!"
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my question is who fuckin calls it a butter box?
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Me and my friend were at the top of the park waiting for the rest of the kids we were skiing with, when this guy probably in his 30's comes up to us. He was decked out in all his race gear. the racing helmet, slalom skis, racing poles, and shin guards and he had 2 little kids wit him (also racers). so he asks us how the jumps are. WE said they're smooth and the landings r soft. so then he asks how much speed he needs for the second jump. we said not a real lot, from here do like 3 or 4 speed checks and ur all set. so he says thank you and goes for the jump... ya he didn't do any speed checks and went way too big. he just started rollin down the windows. all the people there were like o shit. right before he landed he somehow turned like 90 degrees. i didn't see him land but i'll guess it was bad. It really sucked cuz the jump was closed for over an hour while ski patrol tended to him... he was fucked up.
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the problem is the jumps to big.
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i ski on a millitary base and so there are always tons of shitty GI's and yesterday my freind and i were standign at the drop into the jumps and this guy skis over in rental gear and his fatigues and the conversation went a little like this....
GI-hey whats up
my friend- not much how about yourself
GI- what do you call those?
*akward scilence*
me- armadas...?(starring at him blankley and pointing at ARMADA in big letters on my friends skis)
GI- what do you call those kinda skis?
(we just starred at him not knowing if this was acctually happening)
GI- duel tippers?
after that i just started laughing really hard and dropped in. my friend said he tried explaining twin tips to the guy but he couldnt understand why you go backwards.
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Haha, funny stuff. Troops are legit, though, most of them are nice as hell. Good people to know.
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What altitude do deer turn into moose............
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haha thats what we call "noob-cake"
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hahahahahahahahahahaha, fuck i gotta say that
funny shit
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so i was sessioning this urban-style rail set up in the park and i was working on shit so somehow i dont even know i caught my skis under the rail and fell and was like fuck and skied off to get out of the landing, i look down and my poles at a 90degree angle and so obviously i try to bend it back but inadvertantly snap it so i look and throw away the broken piece all of a sudden this gapper kid goes hey DUDE your pole is broken, yeah thanks fucker i realize that, next is in the park waiting for a jump and a gapper goes hey you any good i go yeah not that bad he goes well do a backflip right now...no
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i was going fakie, and an old guy said to his wife, "Look at that! He's going backwards." Some guy also complimented me for bombing a slope fakie one time.
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haha, fucking Paul Schwartz. He is a dick.
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I find most of them to be a little slow...I'm not saying their bad people, just not to bright.
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Haha definitely some of them, not gonna deny that... I donno, they're friendly as hell though, hard guys to dislike.
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Some kid: "How do you get so much steeze?"
Me: "I was born with it"
Some other kid: "How do you spin so fast?"
Me: "The force"
Some gayper snowboarder in a camo jacket: "Skiers ar'nt allowed in the park"
Me: Cork 5
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haha me and my freind were filmin one day in the park and the lift goes right above so hes filmin me and my other freind jumpin and the lift stops so everyone looks down. and my freind has a stabalzing bar on the camera and this lady shouts to my freind holding the camera "are you video taping with that!?" my freind screams back "no i just like skiing around with it all day" and skis off haha great shit
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Hahaha it's always the ones with the camo jackets.
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hahaha i love ur comebacks.
leave dem gayers feel even more stupid than they actually are.
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well in Vail there is the big terrain park and then the mini terrain park. the jumps have like 3 ft clearance. so all these fucking idiots both snowboarders and skiers think that they can go as fast as they want and they will land. every day i see at least 4 people land about 15 ft passed the landing on their backs. the jump in the mini terrain park therefore has gained the name "the front range crippler"
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some people are retarded we should let them die off
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When I worked in a ski/ rental/ repair store I got the most retarded questions ever...
mainly from really rich arrogant fuckers
them: do you sell toothpaste here?
me: uhh, sorry, no we don't. Check in the village.
them: but then I have to go all the way down and up again
(I cant really explain this. i lie awake at night wondering what the fuck this guy wanted to do with toothpaste on the mountain)
me: yeah... sorry
them: you know, the service here isn't that great...
me: pardon?
them: your german is really bad. you know that? don't they teach you german in school here (this is in switzerland)
me: silence
they leave
me: silence
in hindsight hitting him in the balls and saying I was from new zealand would have been good... argl
And literally hundreds of people saying 'my binding is broken'
you grab the ski, push the back down, hand it back. 'fixed!'
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oh man. i'm gonna have to go that park now.
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i skied vail one day last year and i was in the bowls all day... if this mini park you speak of is on the very far left of the mountain looking from trail map point of view, then i know exactly what ur talking about. in my one run on the front of the mountain i saw it happen twice.
also, on the trail i took to get there, there was an older woman about 65 in a full length fur coat down to her knees. She was on rossi zeniths (roughly a grand), in a wedge, on a green circle cat walk trail, with a person taking pictures of her and she was saying look, im doing it! im skiing!!! i skied past her at about 8 mph with at least 10 feet between us and she fell and called me a hoodlum.
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haha i overshot that jump messing around cuz it was really wierd light and i couldnt see shit. then my brother proceeded to overshoot it as well, even funnier
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well i worked summer ops at Park City Mountain Resort over the summer. they have a zip line and an alpine slide and other rides. but this wasnt asked directly to me but to one of the other guys working there. some legit asked him at what altitude deer change to elk.. hmmmmm
id say about 8,423 ft.
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OHMYGOD, thank you for the hysteria
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in reply to the overshooting comment a similar phenomenon happens at my hill. there is a barrel bonk (upright barrel) right under the lift, i see countless gapers go flying wayyy out into the flats, provides mucho entertainment for the ride up.
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"Where's the amusement park?"
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i have five hundreds posts
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