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Dry humping illegal in utah...

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Keenbo
Posts: 404 - Karma: 66
From the utefans.net message board...

This just in...Utah Legislature unanimously passes bill to criminalize dry humping...

by PumpinGas4Lenny-Ute
2007-01-16 12:35:06

In a bold move republican legislators have brazenly pushed their bill through that will ban dry humping in colleges throughout the state.

Representive Buttars said, "this kind of behavior has gone on long enough with our young people." He further stated, "It is a mortal sin to gratify yourself this way."

When told about the new law BYU coeds overwelmingly showed their disdain. Randy, a senior at the Y said, "It's not a sin to dry hump on a Saturday night."

Cindy a freshman at BYU complained saying, "it's not like we are going all the way or anything, we are just having some sweet action."

Reno Mahe a graduate, and NFL player said, "dry humping kept me safe while I was in school, it was when I went further that got me in big time trouble."

Lawmakers feel that if they can eliminate dry humping from the colleges and universities, they can reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies at BYU.

Students in violation of this law will have ten hours of community service, and have to watch a state approved video on dry humping and the dangers that become of it.
Jan 16 2007 5:47PM
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spere
Posts: 6105 - Karma: 248
bahahahaha, how would they ever catch anyone?
Jan 16 2007 5:48PM
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wAy2sTeEzY4u
Posts: 5449 - Karma: 20
ummmm wow....


just wow.
Jan 16 2007 5:49PM
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ECGove
Posts: 1947 - Karma: 75
Lawmakers feel that if they can eliminate dry humping from the colleges and universities, they can reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies at BYU.

...hmmm it seems to me that dry humping can't get a chick pregnant...

but seriously, fuck the mormans
Jan 16 2007 5:49PM
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.John.
Posts: 6943 - Karma: 14
how od they plan to enforce that?
Jan 16 2007 5:51PM
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C-Burg
Posts: 4729 - Karma: 130
give them a break they are mormon
Jan 16 2007 5:51PM
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roussillon
Posts: 1305 - Karma: 170
wow I just learned a word today. I've never heard of dry humping. this seems pretty lame.
Jan 16 2007 5:52PM
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Gnl.Weirdness
Posts: 3867 - Karma: 20
wow, this is what our government is focusing on...

THATS SO FUCKED UP
Jan 16 2007 5:53PM
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LostValleyPowMan
Posts: 820 - Karma: 17
everything's illegal in utah... mormons... even alcohol above 8% proof- sick skiing though... but no booze
Jan 16 2007 5:56PM
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BargainBinLaden
Posts: 863 - Karma: 14
naw dude you can have two wives legally!! thats dank!!
Jan 16 2007 5:59PM
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ECGove
Posts: 1947 - Karma: 75
yeah thats a good point...but there's no booze to get them to have a 3-some with you...
Jan 16 2007 6:00PM
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Rez4frederick
Posts: 4740 - Karma: 40
hahaha, one step at a time, they are trying to turn everyone gay......


Jan 16 2007 6:00PM
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whattheshit
Posts: 6562 - Karma: 107
at least i can still eat an orange in the bathtub...
Jan 16 2007 6:01PM
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LostValleyPowMan
Posts: 820 - Karma: 17
ya.. or an apple
Jan 16 2007 6:02PM
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StevenSegal
Posts: 1716 - Karma: 16
Mormons are so fucking dumb...
So some hick in bumfuck newyork thinks he talked to jesus, o my god we need to start a religion over this!
Jan 16 2007 6:03PM
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.John.
Posts: 6943 - Karma: 14
why would you want two wives? two girlfriends maybe... but 2 wives would be hell
Jan 16 2007 6:06PM
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FUUUCK
Posts: 18426 - Karma: 4,888
too much dry humping leads to very blue balls
Jan 16 2007 6:06PM
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weenox
Posts: 1568 - Karma: 19
are you guys for real?  give me a break.
Jan 16 2007 6:09PM
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vincepru
Posts: 5474 - Karma: 17
word, 2 gf's would be a pain in the ass to. if you get sick of your gf, just dump her and move on to annother one? why have 2
Jan 16 2007 6:15PM
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Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
U of U is OFF the list...
Jan 16 2007 6:26PM
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Krazy_Karl
Posts: 540 - Karma: 10
alchohol over 8% are you serious?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

that must suck, im all about the hard stuff
Jan 16 2007 6:34PM
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Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
8% and 8 proof are different first of all. Secondly, there are "private clubs" all over utah where you can drink.
Jan 16 2007 6:41PM
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Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
oh, and the 3.2% beer is sold in gas stations, grocery stores and the like. you can still buy alcohol at any state operated liquor store, or go to a bar. It's just that you can't buy over 3.2 at a gas station like you can in other states
Jan 16 2007 6:47PM
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lineskis360
Posts: 462 - Karma: 11
i just lost a little respect for utah
Jan 16 2007 6:48PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
I am calling bullshit on that one. Come on. Since when was a message board on a fan website a reliable source for news? Just think of half the shit that gets put up on ns. Second of all, you cant create a law against something like that. And thirdly, if you have heard nothing but rumors about the LDS church, its probably a good idea not to believe them before you hear it from a credible source.
Jan 16 2007 6:56PM
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sniper_6
Posts: 1919 - Karma: 1,573
fuck dude you beat my by one. i was reading thru just praying that no one said that. have any of you ever read a real news report, its not at all like that. they dont publish shit like those people said. im calling obvious bullshit, or at least seconding this guys motion
Jan 16 2007 7:13PM
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CTripper
Posts: 6520 - Karma: 20
yeah straight bull shite
Jan 16 2007 7:17PM
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gnarzard
Posts: 366 - Karma: 10
whose seen the movie "everclean" its about a mormon boy band that sings about christianity. its sooo funny.
Jan 16 2007 7:21PM
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dbstar
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 20
dry humping is for grade 8 not university
Jan 16 2007 7:22PM
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siversex
Posts: 1254 - Karma: 16
^your forgeting their mormon.
Jan 16 2007 7:25PM
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powder_2_the_people
Posts: 1801 - Karma: 13
can somebody please get us this video?
Jan 16 2007 7:25PM
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duhamelski
Posts: 3842 - Karma: 192
haha, i was gonna call bullshit also
Jan 16 2007 7:26PM
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zeus
Posts: 38 - Karma: 10
bullshit or not, the idea itself that they would ban dry humping is hilarious
Jan 16 2007 7:41PM
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da-bling
Posts: 1145 - Karma: 11
so i guess homecoming and prom for high schools has just been banned as well??
Jan 16 2007 7:42PM
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Greenish
Posts: 2047 - Karma: 367
thats amazing
Jan 16 2007 7:44PM
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rosemariekaitlin
Posts: 650 - Karma: 15
yeah i'd love to see this video and learn about the "dangers" of dry humping.

isn't dry humping suppose to be like a form of abstience? to keep you from having sex? what fools.
Jan 16 2007 7:44PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
Oh and by the way everyone, Rep. Butters is the chairman of the House Natural Resources, Agriculture, & Environmental Standing Committee, nothing even closely related to schools, let alone private universities.
Jan 16 2007 7:48PM
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Mod
Posts: 3179 - Karma: 11
Owell, guess its back to wet humping.
Jan 16 2007 8:07PM
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skiWASHDC
Posts: 716 - Karma: 17
at least I can where sandals with socks
Jan 16 2007 8:30PM
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Charles^stevens
Posts: 859 - Karma: 341
unless there is camras in there rooms how could they find out . if there is cmaras thats just creppy
Jan 16 2007 8:32PM
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XxLibertYxX
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 28
well maybe you can get a girl pregnant if somehow you busted in your boxers/underwear/whatever and then smear it over her vagina.... that could work....
Jan 16 2007 8:33PM
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t_rob
Posts: 6433 - Karma: 11,458
i swear this article tried to tell me that i'm going to get pregnant if i dryhump something.
Jan 16 2007 8:36PM
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skithesprings
Posts: 9086 - Karma: 1,349
a state approved movie on dry-humping
hahahahahahahahahahahahahah
thats retarded just imagine the fags that made the movie
Jan 16 2007 8:37PM
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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15

BYU also bans its students to wear tank tops and shorts. so its not that big of a surprize to me.

Jan 16 2007 8:41PM
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Jaskittin
Posts: 5606 - Karma: 195
That was a blog written by a student.  Can you actually see old, fat legislators saying "dry humping?"  This is a satirical joke that no one has picked up on.  Correct me if wrong but I don't think that I am.
Jan 16 2007 8:49PM
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Love_Wins.
Posts: 5536 - Karma: -1
Ahh...I was thinking that anything over 8% was banned or some shit, that would suck ass. But yeah, mormons are all a huge bunch of fucktards.
Jan 16 2007 8:58PM
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skiWASHDC
Posts: 716 - Karma: 17
no
Jan 16 2007 9:02PM
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Utahpowderskier
Posts: 1336 - Karma: 14
once again. bullshit. you guys are seriously talking out of your asses. If you are going to say shit, make sure you get it right first.
Jan 16 2007 9:20PM
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gab_mori7
Posts: 1099 - Karma: 55
video lol!
Jan 16 2007 9:44PM
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dowalibeast
Posts: 3339 - Karma: 207
plus if they can't dry hump they'll real hump....and that makes more babies.
Jan 16 2007 9:45PM
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