True story.
My grandma cooked up a delicious meal this evening and even though my father failed to show up on time for dinner, I was starving so I went to town on it.
I'm supposed to be on a "diet". No unhealthy food, as skiing is coming up soon and I'm trying to get in shape for it.
Anyways the cursed dish was a delightful Thai-styled chicken and bean sirfry. Vegetables and meat tossed in a peanut sauce with a small amount of noodles. It smelled delicious, seemed healthy and since my portions of food had been so small lately I decided to eat an extra large amount.
Bad idea.
About 3 hours later I was sitting at my desk and my stomach started churning and hurting. I was completely bloated. The healthy meal that should have been agreeing with my body was infact doing the complete opposite! My stomach was expanded like a pregnant woman and it hurt to move.
A bit after I noticed this pain, the farts started. At first they were silent and occured about every 5 minutes but as time passed they became louder and more frequent.
I could almost feel the brown liquid drain from my anus as I struggled to keep the fart inside. Finally, enough was enough and I raced upstairs to a bathroom that was far away from other family members as I knew this was going to be a nightmare.
I lugged my pounding intestinal tract up the stairs and flung open the door, simulatneously pulling down my pants. I barely made it to te toilet seat before it happened.
It was like someone had stuck the New Year's firework display up my rectum. My ass exploded and brown liquid shit shot in every direction, covering my ass cheeks and of course the toilet seat. The shitting finnally subsided and all that was left was a steady stream of brown piss leaking from my asshole.
After about 30 minutes in bathroom I was finally able to calm my insides and used about half a roll of toilet paper wiping the residue from my episode.
I returned downstairs, my stomach still gurgling like the water draining from a water jug.
And you can guess what happened next. In about 30 minutes I was racing back up to the toilet again..
Now I am here on newschoolers and my stomach is still screaming and kicking but I had to share my story.
Oh, and by the way, I think in the end my grandma's meal really helped me cleanse myself because this morning I weighed 137.0 lbs and during the day I ate a good sized breakfast, small lunch, and of course that dinner. Just now when I weighed myself I was 130.0. You can imagine how much shit had to be unleashed for that big of a weight loss.
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