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November, 2024

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Iowa Baptist Church Claims that Redbull causes orgys and permanent hardening of penises

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Paul-o-Rama
Posts: 3301 - Karma: 13
http://http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0903/redbull.html
Oct 19 2006 1:42PM
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Paul-o-Rama
Posts: 3301 - Karma: 13

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0903/redbull.html

Oct 19 2006 1:48PM
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RastaSkier9
Posts: 1563 - Karma: 15
Well fuck i need to work on a sponsorship, you caould fuck the shit out a girl 24/7
Oct 19 2006 1:49PM
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jholer2
Posts: 576 - Karma: 11
God, I wish.
Oct 19 2006 1:53PM
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Itsbackfliptime
Posts: 18901 - Karma: 75
"each Deacon was stripped of his clothes and placed in isolation for 72 hours with 200 cans of Red Bull, a plastic Ziploc bag full of Ecstasy tablets and a wide assortment of adult magazines."

and they blame the red bull for getting them high. Not the ecstasy.
Oct 19 2006 1:57PM
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nothanks
Posts: 13551 - Karma: 31

DEAR JESUS

Oct 19 2006 1:59PM
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JockinJLoads
Posts: 3480 - Karma: 6
that is so funny, it cant be true


i lawled
Oct 19 2006 2:01PM
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Arabian.
Posts: 9640 - Karma: 150
That was the funniest thing i've read in years. Thank you.
Oct 19 2006 2:05PM
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Von
Posts: 4869 - Karma: 21
that cant be real
Click for larger image
Oct 19 2006 2:16PM
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BCKicker540
Posts: 1283 - Karma: 11
i think the entire website is a joke
Oct 19 2006 2:33PM
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skirbrt88
Posts: 1090 - Karma: 23
lolz that was funny
Oct 19 2006 2:33PM
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Von
Posts: 4869 - Karma: 21
someone spent a lot of time on a fake website
Oct 19 2006 2:36PM
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BCKicker540
Posts: 1283 - Karma: 11
its defnitely fake:

Landover Baptist Church has been around since the time of the Indians. "We were around when Injuns were runnin' loose!- nekkid, scalpin' everything in sight," Pastor Smith declares. During our long history, we've had a number of church members come and go. A few of them have attained celebrity status. They are viewed by the secular world as 'entertaining, uplifting, encouraging, and talented.'
On your right is a list of celebrities who have attended Landover Baptist Church, and owe us a debt of gratitude. Most of them have learned everything from listening to our pastors and educators. Some of them admit 'dropping by' our church in the past. Many admit they were members. Most however, deny having any connection whatsoever with the Landover Baptist Church or any of it's affiliated ministries.

God knows the truth, and you can bet your alcoholic uncle's rotten soul that come judgment day, these celebrities will have to answer to God in heaven for denying Him (Landover Baptist) here on Earth. We expect a full apology on that day. It is too late for them to apologize now. The damage has been done, and we shake the dust off our feet and turn our backs on this list of ungrateful associates!


they claim that Carson Daly, Al Sharpton, and Tony Bennet were all associated with the church...
Oct 19 2006 2:46PM
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BCKicker540
Posts: 1283 - Karma: 11
* Were you hit in the face with the ugly stick at Birth?
* Are you so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face will do just fine?
* When you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you?
* Can you remember when you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning?

Why would Jesus™ want a load of ugly people running around spoiling the view in Heaven?
Let's face it, If you are ugly, Jesus™ just doesn't want you and you are looking at spending the rest of Eternity in Hell.

Biblical Proof

Leviticus 21:16 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
:17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
:18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
:19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
:21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.


There is only one form of help available to you.
Contact your nearest Pastor today and speak to him about your problem. Have your Credit Card in hand, and I'm sure he can arrange for his entire Congregation to Pray for your Soul.
Oct 19 2006 2:53PM
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CJHski
Posts: 2384 - Karma: 126
now thats some funny shit
Oct 19 2006 3:02PM
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SkiMN
Posts: 4005 - Karma: 38
Nice first post...
Oct 19 2006 3:06PM
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*Fujative*
Posts: 8554 - Karma: 183
haha thats awesome!!
Oct 19 2006 3:13PM
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Paul-o-Rama
Posts: 3301 - Karma: 13
probably fake
"We’ve even had reports of little children taking a few sips of Red Bull and within seconds they start chewing on anything they can find!  Poor Mrs. Simkins looked up from her Bible the other day only to find that her two granddaughters had gnawed through her crepe soles and the rubber tip to her cain! One parent reported that their three-year-old child chewed up half the plaid indoor-outdoor carpeting on their patio.  Yes, indeed, carpet munchers in our very midst! "
Oct 19 2006 3:16PM
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mntelebumper
Posts: 1287 - Karma: 10
i dont believe it. what a load of bull shit.
Oct 19 2006 3:54PM
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skicraze123
Posts: 1393 - Karma: 12
who the fuck cares what churches think religious freaks are so whack
Oct 19 2006 4:30PM
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friedcheese
Posts: 1245 - Karma: 23
All that speed jacking must be going to your head if you believed even for a second that the website was anything but a joke.
Oct 19 2006 5:33PM
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*DrewT*
Posts: 7768 - Karma: 481
 hahaha that was very entertaining.
"These Deacons served as volunteer test cases and several of them are now hospitalized with permanent hardening of the penis"  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  Permanently hard and they're stuck in the hospital
Oct 19 2006 5:46PM
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max.
Posts: 2022 - Karma: 12
hahahahahahaha
no way thats real
Oct 19 2006 5:57PM
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scarroll
Posts: 420 - Karma: 10
Thats was pretty funny but the site is obviously a joke.
Oct 19 2006 6:27PM
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[TheWuTangClan]
Posts: 343 - Karma: 10
sick ill have to drink more then
Oct 19 2006 6:52PM
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aoe
Posts: 2947 - Karma: 51
And many pediatricians have reported seeing seriously calloused penises - a sign that some local men were masturbating at dangerously high speeds. The drug community calls it speed jacking," said Dr. Edwards
Oct 19 2006 6:54PM
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[TheWuTangClan]
Posts: 343 - Karma: 10
maybe the x had somthing to do with it????
Oct 19 2006 6:54PM
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cracko
Posts: 2904 - Karma: 12
they call it 'speed jacking'
Oct 19 2006 7:45PM
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Quinny
Posts: 3477 - Karma: 163
"Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards"

I wonder what becoming a creation scientist entails?
Oct 19 2006 8:30PM
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toominator
Posts: 4792 - Karma: 120
local men were masturbating at dangerously high speeds

Bahahaha!
Oct 19 2006 8:41PM
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720laxskier
Posts: 2428 - Karma: 5
they call it SPEED JACKING
Oct 19 2006 8:57PM
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