Homework excuses

Someone sent me this in an email and it was too funny not to share. I'm thinking of trying a few of these.

1. The press secretary called and asked me to rework the president's speech on economic affairs. Do I get extra credit?
2. My mom used it as a dryer sheet.
3. I'm stockpiling for the millennium.
4. I figured I'd learned everything I could about existentialism from last night's episode of Dawson's Creek.
5. I was ridding the world of evil spirits.
6. Homework?! Ha! I'm living La Vida Loca!
7. Oooh, cramps... (only effective with male teachers and if you are a gal...duh)
8. Everything I ever needed to know, I learned in kindergarten.
9. Not only did I complete my paper, but it was so good that I submitted it to The New Yorker for publication. Unfortunately, the original manuscript won't be returned for another several weeks. Sorry!
10. A radiation leak from our microwave mutated my bread mold project, and the spores escaped into our backyard and totally consumed Buttons, our prize Shar-Pei. My homework ate my dog!
11. My cat had an identity crisis and ate it!
12. The Y2K bug ate it.
13. My parents couldn't finish it, so they took it to work to get some help.
14. With all the suffering in the Third World, how can you even think of something as insignificant as homework!?
15. In the spirit of environmental awareness and for the sake of the trees, don't you think we should do without it?
16. My lawyer is advising me to say, "No comment," regarding the whereabouts of my alleged homework at this point in time.
17. I'm still translating it from Klingon.
18. My little brother used my Encarta CD-ROM as a teething ring.
19. While researching the assignment on the Internet, I ended up taking my Web site public for $50 million, so go ahead and give me an F.
20. Some guy in line for Phantom Menace made an origami pod racer out of it.
21. My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.
22. My grandmother sat on my laptop.
23. I fed it to Jar Jar Binks, hoping it would kill him.
24. I'm afraid you'll have to define "dog", "ate", and "homework".
25. Well, like, y'know, I stayed at Muffy's last night, and, like, of course we did our homework first, y'know, and then we like, took a ride in her Daddy's new Lexus, and then, like, the homework had to, like, still be at her house, which is in like, a very cool part of town, but anyways after the movie, and then after we, like, left Jason's house, oh he's so cute, anyway we then like... Hey, that's not fair! I haven't, like, finished telling you what happened yet!
26. I have unresolved issues, reclusive tendencies, cannot relate to authority, and besides, it violates my constitutional rights.
27. My hard drive went all, like, whatever on me.
28. Sorry, I was in a Backstreet Boys-induced coma and couldn't think straight.
29. According to the ancient art of feng shui, my desk was creating a negative energy space... so I ditched it.
30. "Yo quiero math extension."
31. Its against my religion to do any homework.
32. I plead the 5th.
33. Talk and Talk about nothing until your teacher says "Forget it!"