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couple of quotes i liked
Michael: [to Karen] Wow, you are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I.?
Dwight: I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.
Andy: I’ll be the number 2 guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead like a carpenter who makes stairs.
Andy: Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen…you’re cute, there’s no getting around it. So I don’t know if you like country music but I was thinking one of these days we could we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos, maybe even toss a disc around…at-whay o-day ou-yay ink-thay m-pay?
Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special. Baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, “Yo, that’s shizzle”. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well shame on you.
Dwight: When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief-bone. And I’m crying and nobody can hear me because I am terribly, terribly…terribly alone.
Dwight: When I die I want to be frozen and if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that know what hold he had me in.
Michael: Hug it out bitch. That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out and in doing so they just let it go and walk away and they’re done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found it doesn’t translate.
Dwight: Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms.
Creed: I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women – often outdoors in the mud and the rain – and it’s possible that a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing...
Michael: (to Oscar) Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime…and you could tell me…how you do ‘that’ to another dude.
Michael: You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards – when they’re acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend…
Michael: Apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real-world community that would be chaos.
It is the 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother’s vaginal canal.
The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden-days, the women would bear many children so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter and there weren’t enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood...
Dwight: When I was in the sixth grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’.
Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it and then you have to tame it. Keep it happy, care for it, feed it. Lovingly. The way that an animal deserves to be loved. My animal deserves a lot of loving.
Michael: Why can’t boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?
Michael: The rules of “shotgun” are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout “shotgun” when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…
