Replying to Help me newschoolers, this girl is driving me nuts!

maybe some of you guys on here could give me some advice.

ok this is what is happening.

my parents are out with family friends, and they'll be back any minute, so i need somebody's help.

Here's some background:

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22, the girls are 15)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, and sometimes i help her with her homework. i helped her on an english essay and she still got a D, but the teacher is a prick so yea.

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really wanted to lose my virginity, so i asked her to have sex.

she says "no no, i can't. it's not right", and i'm like "don't worry, i know what i'm doing. it'll take like 10 seconds and i'll give you 2 nintendo 64 games if you do it."

So i give her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball, and then she goes in my room. we're both a bit confused and scared at this point.

then i think to myself - we need lube, right? because i remember reading something online about guys need to lube up the clit or else it wont fit right.

ok, so i have no lube, but i want to lose my virginity really badly - so i grab some butter from the fridge. it's cold though and won't melt fast enough - so i stick it in the microwave for 8 minutes and then put it in a glass.

then i walked into my room and poured the melted butter on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i don't know what to do. my parents are going to be home any minute and shes in the bathroom crying . please help me, you guys must have some good advice.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another N64 game?