Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post.
Register to become a member today!
Is this too hardcore to hand in?
Posts: 1776
-
Karma: 13
Ok, I'm writing an essay for my english class and this is the first "creative" writing I've had to do since I've been in college. Here's the first paragraph. Do you think it's too risque?
Writing about college is so generic, but I’m going to do it anyways. You know why? Because my life is boring and there’s nothing much worth writing about. Sure, I could tell you about the first time I drank, the first day I had my drivers license, or the first time I made love to a girl. Those would all work pretty well, except I don’t feel like casting myself into a pit of depression. That stuff changed me- probably for the better, but looking back on those times I feel a lot of resentment, a lot of hate. It’s hard to explain, really. I guess these are the things teenagers are supposed to find fun and entertaining, and for a while they are…but then they get old. Have one too many drinks and you feel like crap the next morning, vowing to never drink again. Well guess what? Two weeks later you’re unconscious on your buddy’s floor with no eyebrows. Good times, right?
Posts: 7167
-
Karma: 94
Posts: 1776
-
Karma: 13
Holy shit, (s)he's back.
But yeah, I'm not trying to be badass or anything. It just came out of my head and I didn't know if it might be over the top. But my teacher's pretty cool, so I'm goign to hand it in.
Posts: 560
-
Karma: 10
you say you are gonna write about college but the rest of the intro has nothing much to do with college and more of what was before college. the before college stuff should come after your intro paragraph. like it has been said before more focus in your intro and/or change your topic sentence. also many of my professors said do not tell me what you are gonna write about just write it. when you say i am gonna write about it(college) anyway. that is a poor topic sentence.
Posts: 1776
-
Karma: 13
I think you're probably right about this. Although I have edited my intro paragraph to be more focused it still has that line in it. I think it sounds pretty good so I might keep it in, but I probably should consider taking it out...
All times are Eastern (-4)