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Is this too hardcore to hand in?
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Ok, I'm writing an essay for my english class and this is the first "creative" writing I've had to do since I've been in college. Here's the first paragraph. Do you think it's too risque?
Writing about college is so generic, but I’m going to do it anyways. You know why? Because my life is boring and there’s nothing much worth writing about. Sure, I could tell you about the first time I drank, the first day I had my drivers license, or the first time I made love to a girl. Those would all work pretty well, except I don’t feel like casting myself into a pit of depression. That stuff changed me- probably for the better, but looking back on those times I feel a lot of resentment, a lot of hate. It’s hard to explain, really. I guess these are the things teenagers are supposed to find fun and entertaining, and for a while they are…but then they get old. Have one too many drinks and you feel like crap the next morning, vowing to never drink again. Well guess what? Two weeks later you’re unconscious on your buddy’s floor with no eyebrows. Good times, right?
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depends on the teacher, could be great, or could fail you
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hand it in, unless the teacher said something against that style of writing, theres nothing wrong with it
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has a ton of potential. keep going
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Meh, realy depends on the class. And if the prof likes it, you will have to live up the standerd you are setting with this paper by outdoing yourself each time. And if prof doesnt like, then your fucked.
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sounds great, but it definately depends on how your teacher is
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University/college teachers LOVE papers that go against the grain.
They read 100's of the same essays so something new is refreshing for them as long as its well done.
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yes there is something about it. you sound likes james frey on one of his hardass power trips.
i liked both his books that i read, but when he got all "fuck this bullshit lets throw down", im so hard, and nothings good, im just going to be "real" shit...it was hard to relate to unless you watch fight club everyday and think "i want to do that".
a college professor wont be impressed.
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hardcore? i've handed in waaay worse shit (more swearing, topics, etc) and gotten 100% on it.. and that was in grade 11!
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i thought it was actually really good. i would hand it in
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write about sex, that always gets you a 100
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or listen to ryno, im still in high school,i dont know
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i woudl turn it in. it has like a lot of passion, realism and stuff that almost no other kids include in there writing
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yes but a littile fixing and u would be good
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turn it in and tell us how it goes
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that was fucking epic, I heart you
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Get rid of the "hate part".
First off its really good. It has some heart, which is a rareity in papers these days. However, your thesis needs focusing. Dial that shit down, make a point. Take it past your frustration with the triviality of adolescence and make a statement. Where are you going? Who gave you inspiration? What did you pull from the chaos of those experiences that thrust you forward briming with a hunger to swallow the ignorence of youth and be reborn a man?
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wow, if you all think that was awsome....i dunno, he was just ranting
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Whoa, good suggestions. I'm not finished yet, like you guys said, it needs proofreading/tweaking.
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I feel bad for you, you're missing a ton of good times because you don't know your limits. Moderation my friend, that's the key to life. See, it gets old because you have no sense of moderation.
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I dont think thats what hes getting at...i think hes speaking to a larger cause, it just lacks focus so it comes off like that.
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It might come off the wrong way, but quite honestly I still like to do all that shit. Just not as much as I used to, mostly due to some legal trouble I got into this summer, which sucked major balls. I'm just really hesitant about shit these days. Kind of paraniod. But anyways, now that I'm back at college I've been drinking just about every weekend. It's good to be back.
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No way, definitely do it. The professor will be so glad you went against the grain. That's what I've done every paper and I am still standing.
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And yes it does lack focus...this essay is actually about how lazy and unproductive I was over the summer. I'm not sure if it really makes sense yet, but I'm just going to write it and see if it makes sense when I'm done.
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new icon! i still like it
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what the hell is the matter with you emo bitch
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yeah i like it, except go into more detail about some of those mentioned topics later in the thingy (i forget what i just read)
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its sounds like a journal entry, but like, if that's how your creativity is going to best come out, fucking send it
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its well written dude, turn it in
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Totally depends on the teacher
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i would say show your calculations. especially how you derived the uncertainties
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its definitely creative
i like it turn it in
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two words: shock whore. stop trying to show off your "rebellious" writing style. good writing comes from content, not bullshit. I wrote better pieces than that as a freshman.
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It's an opening paragraph MEANT TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION.
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i would turn it in thats good
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Yeah I handed in a creative writing, it was this very noir, full-of-imagery rendition of one time when I got my car searched by a k-9 unit. I liked it a lot, one of my better writings, but it was very anti-cop and had a lot of swearing. My english teacher's husband is a cop, and she hated me so much. But guess what? I got an A, which I knew I would, because it was real. People like reality, I say turn it in.
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Haha, yeah playing the hate/anger card always gives the grade a little boost. What kind of cold hearted teacher would mark down a kid that has "I cut myself" hinted throughout their paper?
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i like it, it makes me want to read the whole essay becasue i want it figure out want you did wrong and why you did it, but also why you arent doing it as much anymore
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One problem is that the subject of your paper is college. Your paragraph gets the reader ready to hear about your sexual encounters and party experiences. Maybe add something on to the end of that to get the reader back to thinking about college.
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fix your topic sentence and you're good to go
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any decent college teacher should be just fine with that.
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as long as your professor asks you to refer to them by their first name, then yes. trust me.
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thats a good sign, but not nessisary. if your teacher seems like an idiot/asshole then they could have a problem with it, but i would venture to say that the chances are pretty unlikley that they will have a problem, even if they seem like an asshole. your in college for fucks sake.
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The college professers may be able to relate to your story because most of them probably did some of the same things you did when they went through University. Personaly I like reading papers like that because it lightens up my very generic and boring workloads.
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idk. i f iwere a teacher id give it an A+ but thats me.
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not hardcore, not original, not interesting. id give it a B. when i was a freshman and feeling badass i wrote shit like that too, and let me tell you, so does every other freshman. by the time the novelty of waking up in front of your dorm room half naked wears off, you'll find that you really aren't that special or "hardcore" for binge drinking in college. estrangement is a bitch.
if i were you, id make some shit up right there on the spot. write a paper on how your best friend growing up got shot by a stray bullet. theres some shock value for ya! if anybody calls you out on lying, you get extra "hardcore" points because you have the huevos to fake an otherwise sensitive and dramatic paper. good luck homie.
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AHAHAH this thread just reminded me of some thread back in the day where someone found another persons paper that they handed in as a joke or something and its all corrected and shit by the teacher and every single page of the essay/story was posted in the thread.
too bad i cant recall the name of the title..
that shit was fucken priceless.
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