Replying to Magical Magical Sneakers

A boy had magical sneakers one day. They were the most magical in the land. You could look over any hill, past any forest and you would never find any sneakers as magical as those. So the boy went to see the Majestic Unicorn of Horn for wisdom. He had to travel alllll across the land. Through water, snow, rain and..... fire! He needed guidance on what to do with the magical sneakers. So the unicorn said, "Use the magical sneakers to fly into space to the unknown planet of Ridicon. There you will find magical creatures and answers to the human race. So the boy went. It was kind of cold flying through space. But he succeeded. There he found the answers. To all life on earth. The history of everything. The boys name was David Miscaviage. And thus, Scientology was created.