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Family Guy Quotes:

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GroundControl
Posts: 110 - Karma: 70
To all who are fans..I think the show is as good-was as good when the Simpsons were decent (mid 3rd-4th-5th season). Anywho just thought Ide start another posting to get rid of the boredom.

Chris: Dad its mom!
Peter: God, Please be summerset mom please be summerset mom...hello?
Lois: Peter?
Peter: Damn!
Lois: I was just calling to check up on my boys, see how you were doing...
Peter: Uhhhh ye were fine...
Lois: Whats all that noise? ( to the party going on with the other owners of the house)
Peter: Uhhh nothing nothing...(takes out tape recorder and holds it up to the phone...Lois voice sounds off as the play button is pressed PETER I NEED YOU TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH)
Peter: Ok Lois.....Lois I gotta go!
Peter: Holy crap Brian what are we going to do, Lois is gonna be home in a couple of days and were getting kicked outa the house tommorow!
Brian: What do you suggest?
Peter: GET OUT YOUR RING!
Brian: Peter thats not going to help anything!
Peter: COMMON....WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE...FORM OF STEAM!
Brian: We got these rings in a box of Francenberries.
Mar 27 2003 2:11AM
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Mattman
Posts: 19108 - Karma: 16
Yeah family guy rules
Apr 21 2003 9:08PM
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rsd
Posts: 1236 - Karma: 10
i like where he stubbs his toe and is sitting on the ground going 'ssssch.... ahhhhhh...... ssssch..... ahhhh' for like a minute
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
'who wants to put the screws in?'
'i do!'
'no i do, my dad is a mechanic so i bet i am a lot better at stripping and screwing then you are!!!'

'ahhh, my ski just won't turn!'
'hmm..... have you tried turning it?'
Apr 21 2003 9:18PM
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timbojones
Posts: 572 - Karma: 10
its on cartoon network sundays-thursdays 11:30 pm eastern.

giving birth is like having your bottom lip pulled over to the back of your head

than that happens to the dad and he acts like a girl, putting a bumpersticker on his car saying MY OTHER PENIS IS A VAGINA



Timbo Jones isnt even my real name.
Apr 22 2003 12:44AM
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lanks
Posts: 12544 - Karma: 73
there's a protest going on with signs and all...peter shows up;
peter- free tibet? i'll take it!
(goes to payphone)
peter- hello, china? i think ive got something you want, but its gonna cost ya...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'I heard that Richard Gere gerbils. That is, he inserts gerbils into a paper towel tube, which he then sticks up his butthole. I don't doubt this, because he asked me if i wanted to come over to his house and gerbil. I insisted that he come over to MY house, since the whole thing seemed weird. As a practical joke, i attached a bucket of water to the top of the door so that when he opened it, I beat him with a mannequin leg.'-Skydaddy
Nov 24 2003 2:09PM
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brody
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 12
Peter: you worse than that guy who fixed our vacuum cleaner
guy:Turns out there was a half eaten meatball stuck in there
Peter: Oh did you save it
guy:uh no
peter:you bastard


HoldFast
Nov 24 2003 4:05PM
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brody
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 12
Peter pretending to playing the piano in the toy store

Wow thats a real good talent, hey wait a minute you just pretending to play you phony, Hey everybody this guys a big phony


HoldFast
Nov 24 2003 4:08PM
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Irotate360
Posts: 6836 - Karma: 22
Peter: Let's have chicken tonight.
Meg: I'm a vegeterian.
Peter:...
Meg: I don't eat meat.
Peter: ...
Meg: You don't know anything about me! (Runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?



XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff

Ski-Unit
Nov 24 2003 7:29PM
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Irotate360
Posts: 6836 - Karma: 22
Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.





XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff

Ski-Unit
Nov 24 2003 7:30PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
peter - holy crip hes a crapple

(while lois is singning in peters basement bar) quagmire - now thats a woman! (shown reading flash cards)... thats a house... thats a fish... thats a bee!

chris - hey dad, what if i told you i didn't want to be in the scouts anymore?
peter - first i'd say, 'come again?' and then id laugh, cause i said come.

restaurant prize guy - oh no im sorry timmy, you need 15 tickets to live.

peter (as lando griffin) - sweet statutory you look beautiful... dont worry ill take good care of your kid, ive got two of my own you know.

hotel worker - im sorry sir, you cant park your van on the diving board
lois - thats not a van thats our son
hotel worker - its ok hes not a van, hes just a fat kid
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Nov 24 2003 8:25PM
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lineskier610
Posts: 1267 - Karma: 69
Quagmire- hey how old are you
girl-16
Quagmire-18, great
girl-mom!!!
Quagmire-i like where this is goin (then he does his little Quagmire laugh)


Peter-Why do women have boobs? So we have something to look at when we're talkin to them.
Nov 24 2003 8:31PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
^repeat, read the post first
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Nov 24 2003 8:32PM
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jsg
Posts: 7701 - Karma: 535
Vacume Guy-Well there was a meetball blocking the intake
Peter-Well did you save?
Vacume Guy-No
Peter-You bastard
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PEACE OUT AND DONT BE HATEN
I Hate icon stealers,posers,shit talkers and SPONGEBOB HATERS grrrrrr
Nov 24 2003 8:36PM
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lineskier610
Posts: 1267 - Karma: 69
I'd rather not read every single post to see if the line that i said was already used. Glad you're on top of things though.
Nov 24 2003 8:39PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
glad youre a cock, fuck yourself
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Nov 24 2003 9:09PM
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Itsbackfliptime
Posts: 18901 - Karma: 75
in the Petoria episode

Chris: Dad, some guys won't let us go to school today.

Peter: Oh yeah? Them and what army?

Chris: The US Army.

Peter: That's a good army.

Coming Soon...
Nov 24 2003 9:19PM
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Irotate360
Posts: 6836 - Karma: 22
^hahahahahahah thats awsome




XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff

Ski-Unit
Nov 24 2003 9:32PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
peter - do you accept bits of string
blackmarket sales clerk - sorry, store policy
(points at sign saying 'sorry we do not accept bits of string')

news anchor - all of the hostages were released except for a fat man who somehow married an attractive redhead (shows picture of flintstones)

peter - hey you remember when i was the third hardey boy?
lois - there was no third hardey boy.
peter - just like there was no apocolypse? he shoots he scores (body checks lois into wall)
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Nov 24 2003 10:12PM
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lineskier610
Posts: 1267 - Karma: 69
No need to be mean crystal
Nov 24 2003 10:13PM
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emb531
Posts: 468 - Karma: 28
such a funny show, you guys took all the ones i can remeber.
------------------
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but the cat died enlightened.
Nov 24 2003 10:17PM
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jismontheslopes
Posts: 580 - Karma: 11
when brian got addicted to coke... 'how bout a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up!'
Nov 24 2003 11:55PM
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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
'SHUTUP THATS WHY!'


jesus was a liberal
thats why i vote conservative.
Nov 25 2003 12:24AM
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resnick13
Posts: 1147 - Karma: 23
(Peter stopped by the police)

Cop: “Hey, you’re that local black man I saw on the news conference, aren’t you?”

Peter: “Uhh, yeah, that’s me”

Cop: “This is car 15, I’m gonna need backup, I’ve got a stolen vehicle here”

Peter: “…but this is my car”

Cop: “Suspect getting belligerent”

Peter: “What!?!”

Cop: “Officer down”

(Officer falls down on his face for no apparent reason. Three other squad cars appear.)

- Marc
Nov 25 2003 1:19AM
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Prov1x
Posts: 50 - Karma: 10
all in favor of bugs bunny (every raises there hands cept peter)

all in favor of ef em the retarded rabbit
(peter is like oooh ooh)
ahaha
Nov 25 2003 2:53AM
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canonrider
Posts: 2635 - Karma: 29
Death - UHH! this cocoa tastes like crap!
Lois - umm... sorry death, i can make it again
Death - no i'll drink it... i just thought you were gonna make it with milk..... not crap....
Bent Films
www.canonskiboards.com
Nov 25 2003 9:24AM
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brody
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 12
Kiss saves santa
'wait a minute, everybody knows that ptaradactols hate the screech of a guitar' (guitar screech) ITS WORKING, watch out santa'.

Somebody kidnapped santa, that does not rock! 'Easy gene'

peter:Hey i was watching that'
salesguy:dont worry it will be on next christmas
Pter: oh who the hell knows when thats gonna be?


HoldFast
Nov 25 2003 2:49PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
grinch - you think all is fine, you think all is well but kiss my green ass ill see you in hell

stewie - yes i rather like the sash but do the huggies make my ass look big?

peter - ...my brain cells are just fine
brain cell - what happened? where did everybody go? well at least i still have my books. (bends over glasses fall off and break) no, no its not fair, there was time now!

peter - oh god it feels like there's accountants cranking adding machines in my head
accountant in peters head - hey have you ever wondered what are outside these walls?
other accountant - thats dangerous thinking there ted, you best stick to your accounting
first accountant - ok
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Nov 25 2003 5:34PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
jesus - for my next trick... im going to turn water into FUNK!
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
Nov 27 2003 1:34AM
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cobalt
Posts: 1913 - Karma: 12
tom (news guy): Welcome to the special olympics, where you can watch handicapped people struggle valiantly against Go'ds twisted design.

The rudolf one it was already mentioned.

When they go to Germany
Peter: Why does you pamphlet have no history from 1941 to 1945
German guy: We are on Veecation!



________
I always thought Bush steeze was when you go huge, then drop bombs on everyone watching you.
--west
Nov 27 2003 8:37AM
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cobalt
Posts: 1913 - Karma: 12
oh, and the hitler show on norm macdonald's death episode.

________
I always thought Bush steeze was when you go huge, then drop bombs on everyone watching you.
--west
Nov 27 2003 8:38AM
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Rogge
Posts: 5773 - Karma: 3,930
'Alright let's see we got apple juice, purple stuff, soda.....HEY ALRIGHT SUNNY D!'
-Stewie


'Yeah man, after I left, she was totally smurfing me in the smurfing parking lot'
'No Smurfing way'
'Yeah Smurfing way man'
-the smurfs


Mike Rogge
Five-9 Productions
Nov 27 2003 8:55AM
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Rogge
Posts: 5773 - Karma: 3,930
'Alright let's see we got apple juice, purple stuff, soda.....HEY ALRIGHT SUNNY D!'
-Stewie


'Yeah man, after I left, she was totally smurfing me in the smurfing parking lot'
'No Smurfing way'
'Yeah Smurfing way man'
-the smurfs


Mike Rogge
Five-9 Productions
Nov 27 2003 8:57AM
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Rogge
Posts: 5773 - Karma: 3,930
'Alright let's see we got apple juice, purple stuff, soda.....HEY ALRIGHT SUNNY D!'
-Stewie


'Yeah man, after I left, she was totally smurfing me in the smurfing parking lot'
'No Smurfing way'
'Yeah Smurfing way man'
-the smurfs


Mike Rogge
Five-9 Productions
Nov 27 2003 8:57AM
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spyder887
Posts: 801 - Karma: 10
'am i cool enough to smoke a corn cob pipe?'
Nov 27 2003 10:15AM
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Mike-O
Posts: 14593 - Karma: 1,089
Penis Envy
Brian:Yeah dad,you're great,I don't think I'll ever beat you..
Peter:Hey Brian,what's wrong with your leg...OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT YOUR LEG!
******************

Hummingbird style: 70 times in one second.

Does Crichton smoke? Does a bear shit in the woods? -Rex
Nov 27 2003 1:42PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
peter's conscience - it's ok to lie to women, theyre not people like us
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
Nov 27 2003 7:19PM
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primeviltom
Posts: 20 - Karma: 10
Peter and Lois walk in on brian wacking off...
Peter: do we rub his nose in it?


Peter (to femenist): If i wasn't so sure you were a lesbian id swear that you were coming on to me.

Quagmire (to lesbos in bar): Any of you ladies ever been penetrated?
Nov 28 2003 12:05AM
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Leckett
Posts: 0 - Karma: 13
this thread hasnt been responded to in over 2 years and im bringing it back

NS SKATEBOARD
Jun 19 2005 8:51AM
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O-Show
Posts: 696 - Karma: 13
nice work man this is a bad ass thread and now for the quote. peters teaching the kids sunday school
Peter: jesus loves me he loves me a bunch cuz he always puts skippy in my lunch.

www.EfteeWorks.com
Jun 19 2005 10:15AM
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JAYTRON
Posts: 2373 - Karma: 16
peter driving and reading the comic book:
silly man you can't eat all those hamburgers... OH MY GOD he's gonna do it.
then he hits a tree

expect the worst, get the best.
Jun 19 2005 10:58AM
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skier1111
Posts: 192 - Karma: 13
Peter sitting eating boxes of dehydrated food
Lois: Peter you just ate a years worth of food
Peter: Well this stuff is a rip off im not even full
Peter drinks glass of water and becomes very fat
Peter: Everyone leave the room i have to poop
Peter: NOW!

Jun 19 2005 1:47PM
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rynmartn
Posts: 2697 - Karma: 21
all the death ones are so funny, " u know u might find this ironic but im actually just bored as hell", or " o its ok i'll drink it, i just thot u'd make it with milk, not craP"...

I dunno wat this is from but all i know is, Peter:" ya its even worse then when those two boys got sexual molusted by the bike shot owner". *goes to a bike shop were a middle aged man is bend over infront of two nervous looking boys and says,"now i want you boys to scream real loud at my ass"

yay skiing
Jun 19 2005 1:47PM
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xnoresponse
Posts: 946 - Karma: 10
i always will laugh at that one

Jun 19 2005 3:40PM
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