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Learning how to cuss

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caylorswift
Posts: 10695 - Karma: 312
i got this email from my grandpa, he is such an awesome guy, when i talk on the phone, we cuss at eachother, its great. he even told me to steal a car cuz he wont sell me his.. here it is

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know
what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we start cussing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues. 'When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'

'OK !' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the
kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast. 'Aw hell,
Mom,
I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'

WHACK !! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets
up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts
'You
can just stay there till I let you out !'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old, and asks with a
stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast young man ?' 'I don't
know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios.'
8----------->
Sam

'says freestyla11 after taking his uncles cock out of his mouth' - the first post in which Scotch didnt say something about somones mom.

'i used to have a little but now i have a lot
im still im still wiener from the block' - wiener

..::VIVA LA RESISTANCE::..
Feb 27 2003 6:15PM
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skiinjected
Posts: 631 - Karma: 11
props to your grandpa , he sounds like the shit but that joke was on a porn site (sublimedirectory.com) last year.









bitch i though u knew
Feb 27 2003 6:26PM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
haha, thats a great one. Heres one my friends gave me:

So Jerry Rice (NFL reciever) is walking down the street one day, when he sees a buring building. On the thirtyth floor, a woman is calling down to the firefighters below;

'i cant jump down, i have a baby! You'll drop him when you catch him!!'

So Jerry Rice goes up and says, 'Hey, i can catch your baby, im a NFL reciever, no problem.' the woman, a 49ers fan herself, recognizes him, and tosses her baby out to him. Just as she does, the wind catches the child, and it is sent off course. Rice sees it go off and runs across the ground to catch it. He jumps over a barriade, runs through flagging and then slides over a cop car and makes a fingertip catch, barely holding onto the child.
The entire crowd around him cheers, and Rice points his fingers up, does a two step, and then spikes the baby.
=========================
^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'
- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
Feb 27 2003 6:28PM
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caylorswift
Posts: 10695 - Karma: 312
HAHAHAHA nice one rowen, just genius
8----------->
Sam

'says freestyla11 after taking his uncles cock out of his mouth' - the first post in which Scotch didnt say something about somones mom.

'i used to have a little but now i have a lot
im still im still wiener from the block' - wiener

..::VIVA LA RESISTANCE::..
Feb 27 2003 6:31PM
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K_2
Posts: 1446 - Karma: 11
That was great!

Feb 27 2003 6:41PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
You wanna hear a joke???

...womens rights...
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Feb 27 2003 6:49PM
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1212j5j5
Posts: 4495 - Karma: 14
FUCK THAT WA STHE FUCKEN FUNNY SHIT> i dont fucken know how the hell to shit dab swear. who the fuck wants the shit hell honour to teach me how to sewar?
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I'm Scared
Feb 27 2003 6:57PM
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Itsbackfliptime
Posts: 18901 - Karma: 75
spiked the baby. That was sweet.

My girlfriend told me to shove my skis up my ass
Feb 27 2003 7:10PM
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con_cept
Posts: 1752 - Karma: 10
Do they go for the extra point... or a 2 point conversion?



No Mr.Porcupine, I don't wanna see your weiner
Feb 27 2003 7:29PM
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LifeJacket
Posts: 2665 - Karma: 62
shit son


'I'm still Ugly'
Feb 27 2003 7:57PM
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PurpleSkier
Posts: 5634 - Karma: 311
that was great
______________________________________


If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my wookie
Feb 27 2003 11:07PM
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Lateralis
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 332
a man found a bunch of motherless ducks and is gonna bring them back to the zoo.so he starts walking and his beeper sounds,its his wife and shes having the baby so he asks a bum on the sidewalk to take the ducks to zoo and gives him 20bucks.a couple hours later when hes in his car he sees the bum walking with the ducks.he stops and told the bum 'you were supposed to take them to the zoo' the bum replies,we did but there was a few bucks left over and now were goin to see a movie
friend: You want a piece of garlic bread?

me: no thanks,im not a vampire.
Feb 28 2003 1:35AM
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AppSkier
Posts: 4797 - Karma: 86
That was a little corny, haha


'Surrender pronto, or we will level toronto.'- Canadian Bacon
Feb 28 2003 9:32AM
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caylorswift
Posts: 10695 - Karma: 312
heres another one my grandpa sent me.

When does a boy become a man in Iraq?

When his diaper moves from his ass to his head.
8----------->
Sam

'says freestyla11 after taking his uncles cock out of his mouth' - the first post in which Scotch didnt say something about somones mom.

'i used to have a little but now i have a lot
im still im still wiener from the block' - wiener

..::VIVA LA RESISTANCE::..
Feb 28 2003 10:19AM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A doberman at a playground



So a nun and a priest are playing golf, and the priest puts his ball on the green and gets ready to swing. He then swings, but misses the ball, and shouts 'FUCK! I MISSED!'.
The nun goes into hysterics about the priest swearing, but after a few minutes, the priest calms the nun down, and sets hit ball up again.
This time he aims, very carfully and swings, but just taps the ball off the tee. He shouts, 'FUCK, I MISSED!!' and the nun goes off again.
Suddenly the sky clouds over, and a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes the nun, totally frying her. A thunderous voice then booms, 'FUCK, I MISSED!'.

=========================
^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'
- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
Feb 28 2003 2:54PM
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seward
Posts: 5233 - Karma: 2,174
i was sitting here, bored, trying to think of a good joke when it hit me. all i know is damn racist jokes. and this is solely cause of damn ski club. all it is is racist jokes on the way up, racist jokes on they way back. so since they are fresh in my mind here it goes.

a mans driving his cadillac home when he hits two coloured men.
the first goes through the windsheild and lands in the passanger seat, dead.
the secound bounces off the bumper and is flown 30 feet down the street, he was killed upon impact.

so what were the charges laid?

well the first coloured man got breaking and entering.
and the secound got leaving the scene.



I eat fruit when i cant eats nomores - my super stoned friend on tips to getting your money's worth at buffet's
Feb 28 2003 3:50PM
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Lateralis
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 332
ahhahha thats a good one man
why did raggedy anne keep gettin thrown out of the toy box?

she kept sitting on pinochios face and moaning lie to me! lie to me!
friend: You want a piece of garlic bread?

me: no thanks,im not a vampire.
Feb 28 2003 4:17PM
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con_cept
Posts: 1752 - Karma: 10
I don't remember the joke very well, but here it goes...

So, a woman and her husband are at their cottage, for the last weekend of the summer. The husband goes out fishing on the last day, and the woman (unhappy with her husband in bed) cheats on him with another man. The husband gets back to the cottage early, so the woman shoves her lover in a closet full of used maxi-pads (don't ask me why). She locks it on him, and greets her husband at the door. They have a romantic dinner and she forgets all about her secret affair. They leave the next day, and she forgets about him locked in the closet.
The next year they come back... and the woman goes to throw out another maxi-pad in the closet and she finds her secret lover there. He's alive, and she asks him how he survived, and he responds 'I lived off of these delicious jelly filled donuts'... 'just like the one in your hand'

well there ya go



No Mr.Porcupine, I don't wanna see your weiner
Feb 28 2003 4:39PM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
that was disgusting.
=========================
^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'
- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
Feb 28 2003 4:45PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
women joke:
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
-nothing you already told her twice
What do 300.000 abused women do wrong every year?
-not listen
Why do women have small feet?
-stand closer to the stove
Why did the woman cross the road?
_why is she crossing the road, her bitch ass belongs in the kitchen
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Mar 1 2003 8:25PM
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UpDawg
Posts: 2373 - Karma: 11
why don't women need watches?

becuase there's a clock on the kitchen stove
____________________
Drop cliffs, not bombs
Make turns, not war
Mar 1 2003 9:09PM
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3ski6guy0
Posts: 9201 - Karma: 132
haha, most of these are really good

ProudEST Member of the Hobum Posse
----------------------------------------

'Whoa, Im Keanu' - Sammy_D
Mar 1 2003 9:29PM
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schlonginator
Posts: 3971 - Karma: 27
sexist and racist - nice combination...



__________________________

Vote Weiner #1 for Biggest Shit-Talker on NS

'hell yeah, Ice fishing rules! I love sitting on a bucket in the middle of the cold staring down a hole hoping something will eat a dying worm. But ice fishing is way better than that.' - Phrosty

'that sounds like taking a crap with the window open' - Five0

Just JIB It !!
Mar 2 2003 2:07AM
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seward
Posts: 5233 - Karma: 2,174
whys stevie wonder always smiling?

cause he dosnt know hes black


I eat fruit when i cant eats nomores - my super stoned friend on tips to getting your money's worth at buffet's
Mar 2 2003 2:01PM
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Freestyla_01
Posts: 8586 - Karma: 34
have you seen stevie wonder's wife lately?
no? neither has he.

what's funnier than a handicapped person falling out of their wheelchair? nothing.

those are pretty bad...

why does the bride always wear white? because it's always good to have your dishwasher match your stove and fridge.
Mar 2 2003 3:46PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
Whats the difference between a black guy and snowtires?
-The tires dont sing when you put cahins on them
Whats 2 things you cant give a black guy?
-A fat lip, black eye, and a job
Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza?
-The piza can actually feed a family of 4
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Mar 2 2003 3:52PM
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Freestyla_01
Posts: 8586 - Karma: 34
oh god those were good.
racist jokes are so bad though....
Mar 2 2003 3:57PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
i know, its horrible...i wanna hear some whitey jokes though...
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Mar 2 2003 3:58PM
0 0
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mariberries
Posts: 800 - Karma: 10
haha, hot damn
what kind of bees are scary?
boobies
ahahhahaha
premium quality
Mar 2 2003 4:01PM
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MSPbum
Posts: 349 - Karma: 12
hahahahah, the first two were great!
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Proud Owner of Rossignol BC's
Mar 2 2003 4:35PM
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Lateralis
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 332
why did god invent shopping carts???

to teach women how to walk
friend: You want a piece of garlic bread?

me: no thanks,im not a vampire.
Mar 2 2003 7:12PM
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con_cept
Posts: 1752 - Karma: 10
heard one last night skiing:


what do priests and acne have in common?

they cum on young-teenager's faces.





No Mr.Porcupine, I don't wanna see your weiner
Mar 2 2003 7:33PM
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CalgaryJibber
Posts: 1828 - Karma: 19
nonono, its whats the difference between a catholic preist and acne??

acne doesnt come on your face till your 13

'moseley kicks ass, you guys are just jealous of his money and all the hot chicks he gets and his hair...beautiful hair, so soft, oohhhh'-alpentalik

skiing with sunglasses is extrememly gay! but skiing with sun glasses on and goggles on your head is straight.'- Alpentalik

I swear to follow the teachings of JMMT
Mar 2 2003 7:59PM
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nkmo.
Posts: 3994 - Karma: 285
These are really bad, but oh well, here it goes.

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night, and you TV is floating?
Freeze Nigga!

Why don't they teach driver's ed and sex ed the same days in mexican schools?
the donkeys get tired.

AND THE WORST JOKE EVER:
How many jews can you fit in a car?
2 in the front 3 in the back, and 150 in the ashtray.


Proud member of the NS 6 foot posse.


If you are holding up a bank and your pants fall down, it's okay to laugh. And let the hostages laugh to. Because come on, thats funny.
Mar 2 2003 8:16PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
Why shouldnt you throw rocks at mexicans skiing?
-You dont want to hurt your skiis...
(yeah, originally it was a bike, but this iss a skiing site soo...)
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Mar 2 2003 8:28PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
Oh yeah and who can forget about the new jewish sportscar...It stops on a dime and picks it up
*********
mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies

NS Ogre Crew
Mar 2 2003 8:29PM
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con_cept
Posts: 1752 - Karma: 10
I'm so very sorry. I'm gonna go drown myself in the toilet now.







No Mr.Porcupine, I don't wanna see your weiner
Mar 2 2003 9:39PM
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Papa
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 11
that was sweet
Seize the carp
Mar 2 2003 10:38PM
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Pipe_Munky
Posts: 10888 - Karma: 2,184
how do you circumsize a hilbilly?

kick his sister in the jaw!



Official Storm Trooper of the Silent Army

::VIVA LA RESISTANCE::

PS. K2skeepimp loves the cock!
Mar 2 2003 10:55PM
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PurpleSkier
Posts: 5634 - Karma: 311
the last one was so good

______________________________________


If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my wookie
Mar 2 2003 11:19PM
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