Replying to Free for All Post

Here it is. Whatever you want
20. Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again.
19. Instead of saying 'We are under attack, please take shelter,' citizens are now told, 'Here we go again, you know the drill.'
18. Everyone wears sunglasses all the time.
17. Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters.
16. Yesterday's lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was 'NBA Lockout Continues.'
15. Every time a bomb explodes, Iraqi class clown yells out, 'Oh my Allah, you've killed Achmet! You INFIDELS!'
14. Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the 'Tomahawk Chop.'
13. Hussein's latest address to the nation included the line, 'We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda....'
12. Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad.
11. Baghdad High's senior class has playfully painted a bull's-eye on the roof of the school.
10. Iraqi Television Network preempts Hussein's speech to show 'Baywatch.'
9. Instead of running down streets aflame screaming, people now run down rubble-strewn streets aflame screaming.
8. Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play 'Cruise Missle Bingo'.
7. Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, 'Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.'
6. 'We could be killed by a bomb any second' no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars.
5. Children try to catch falling shrapnel on their tongues.
4. Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catcher's mitt.
3. Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings.
2. Even the ever-hilarious 'Sorry, that was me - must've been those BEANS I ate!' jokes are wearing thin.
1. Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new 'Magnetic Hat'



BACON
(receiving a monstrous, leafy cocktail)
What's that?
SAMOAN JO
A cocktail, you asked for a cocktail.
BACON
No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a
fucking rainforest; you could fall in love with an orang-atang in that.


Shut up phrosty - The rest of the world percieves the average american to be dumb, stupid and a redneck because of that exact attitude – Schlonigator