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October, 2024

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Jokes... It's all Jokes.. Add 'em Here!

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ski@work
Posts: 419 - Karma: 6
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
Mar 14 2006 9:42AM
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cjb1776
Posts: 599 - Karma: 10
so a big guy gets really drunk in a bar and wants to challenge someone to a drinking game. The game is like football and you get 6 points for chugging a bear and 1 point for pulling your pants down and farting. So this gay guy challenges him. It is tied 35-35 and the big guy chugs a beer and right as he pulls his pants down to fart the gay guy comes from behind and blocks the kick
Jun 29 2006 9:36PM
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skijunkiedtm
Posts: 9229 - Karma: 61
whats hot bubly and taps on windows?









^baby in a micro wave!!!!!
Jun 29 2006 9:42PM
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Bhayter10
Posts: 942 - Karma: 8
Joke my boss told me the other day:

Little Johnny goes up to his dad and says, "dad, what's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" dad says, "well johnny, lets go into our room and I'll show you." So the dad pulls back the covers where mom is sleeping and she's naked, he points between her legs and says, "son, that's a pussy." Little johnny says, "well can i touch it?" dad says, "no! you'll wake the cunt!"

Funny joke, especially coming from my boss.
Jun 29 2006 11:07PM
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cjb1776
Posts: 599 - Karma: 10
so superman is flying around and he sees wonderwoman butt naked and kinda moving funny, so superman flies down to get some quick pumps in because he is so fast no one would know. Wonderwoman sits up and says "Did you feel that" and the invisible man says "Yay and my ass really hurts"
Jul 1 2006 7:04PM
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III
Posts: 2041 - Karma: 22
Can someone explain this to me. I don't get it. I mean, Im getting the feeling that it involves muff hair but its not clicking.
Jul 1 2006 8:00PM
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invader7
Posts: 5756 - Karma: 49
1y dont sharks eat niggers

they think its whale shit


2weres the best place to hide money from a mexican

under a bar of soap

3what do a hockey player and a nigress have in common

they both change there pads after three periods

4how do u save a nigger from drowning

take ur foot off his head

thats all that i can think of
Jul 1 2006 9:44PM
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skifreak_101
Posts: 161 - Karma: 10
what starts with and f and end with uck?

firetruck

whats long and hard and full of seamen?

a submarine
Jul 1 2006 10:08PM
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720laxskier
Posts: 2428 - Karma: 5
i cant think of any.. dman i suck
Jul 1 2006 10:42PM
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Gtweaker
Posts: 1371 - Karma: 19
Q:why couldnt hellen keller drive?
A:because she was a woman

Q:how did michael jackson get food poisening?
A:he ate a 9 year old weener
Jul 1 2006 10:44PM
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Beamer12
Posts: 3227 - Karma: 46
HAHAHA thats fuckiing great
Jul 1 2006 10:54PM
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switchskier88
Posts: 2829 - Karma: 12
Whats the difference between a mexican father and a park bench?

The bench can support a family
Jul 2 2006 2:05AM
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XXL_Steeze
Posts: 1746 - Karma: 15
Q: How long does it take for a niggabitch to take a shit?
A: 9 Months.
Q: When is the only time you smile at a negro?
A: Through the scope-sight on your rifle.
Jul 2 2006 7:14AM
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jibmadfly
Posts: 61 - Karma: 10
why'd the chicken cross the gym?
to work out.

there. i put a joke in. haha. u all happy now?
Jul 2 2006 7:18AM
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Localboyz
Posts: 1626 - Karma: 19
This one is pretty odd/horrible

Q: What does a baby sound like in a blender?
A: Don't know, i was too busy beating off...
Jul 2 2006 10:24AM
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iheartskiing7
Posts: 410 - Karma: 10
hahahaha
Jul 2 2006 10:51AM
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MLB
Posts: 4462 - Karma: 298
A doctor walks into a room and says to the patient lying in a bed. The doctor says "Well i have some good news and some bad news."

The patient says" Well tell me the bad new first, so then the good news will cheer me up"

So the doctor says" Well bad news is while you were unconcious we had to amputate both your legs"

The patient says " Thats horrible, what could possibly cheer me up after that."

The doctor says" Well the guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your shoes"
Jul 2 2006 12:30PM
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Jamesl48
Posts: 547 - Karma: 10
Q: Why can't Hellen Keller have kids?
A: Because she's dead!

Q: How are black people like apples?
A: They both look good hanging from trees.

Q: What do rednecks do on Halloween?
A: Pump-kin

Q: Why are black people so fast?
A: The slow ones are all in jail.

Q: Why don't women need watches?
A: Because there's a clock on the stove
Jul 4 2006 2:39PM
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Jamesl48
Posts: 547 - Karma: 10
Q: What's more disgusting that a pile of dead babies?
A: That there's one still alive in the middle.

Q:What's even more disgusting than that?
A: That he has to eat his way to freedom.
Jul 4 2006 2:41PM
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andreashart
Posts: 60 - Karma: 10
Q.What starts with N and ends with R that you dont want to call a black person?
A.Neighbor
Jul 4 2006 8:07PM
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Badfish2
Posts: 3453 - Karma: 21
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song.

Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.

A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.

In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''

''That must have hurt,'' said the judge. ''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''

Nov 29 2006 4:31PM
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monopatinrider
Posts: 2170 - Karma: 10
Q: A black first grader and a white first grader compair their penises, whos was larger?

A: The black kids of course.

Q: Why?

A: Because the black fist grader is 19.
Nov 29 2006 4:54PM
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monopatinrider
Posts: 2170 - Karma: 10
Q: Whats the difference between a black person and a speed bump?

A: You slow down for the speed bump

Q: Whats the difference between a dead black guy in the road, and a dead deer in the road?

A: There are brake marks before the dead deer.
Nov 29 2006 4:56PM
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Salomon_Girl
Posts: 411 - Karma: 49
what do you call cheese that's not yours?

NACHO CHEESE

Gets me every time :D
Nov 29 2006 5:10PM
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SilkyJohnson
Posts: 673 - Karma: 43
What kind of people is AA for

Quitter
Nov 29 2006 5:12PM
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Homebrewer19
Posts: 346 - Karma: 11
Q: what did Helen Keller do when she fell off the cliff?
A: screamed her hands off.

Q:what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: getting raped.

so john was telling a story to his mates in the pub:

john: so i was at dinner at my boss' house last week and his wife has a massive rack, and i ment to ask her to pass the chips, but instead i asked her to pass the tits. i felt like a total ass, i think i'm getting fired.

other guy: yeah. I did the same thing while talking to my wife. I was eating dinner with her and I wanted her to pass the salad, but instead I said: 'You stupid bitch, you ruined my life, I hate you.'"
Nov 29 2006 7:05PM
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Homebrewer19
Posts: 346 - Karma: 11
Q: what do you call the useless skin around a vagina
A: a woman
Nov 29 2006 7:23PM
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TannerCoulter.
Posts: 1713 - Karma: 111
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

so she can Moan with the other.



What did helen keller do when she fell in the well?


She screamed her fingers off.
Nov 29 2006 7:46PM
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lee683
Posts: 20 - Karma: 10
Whats black, has 8 legs and scares women??

Gang rape


I failed my romeo audition over a simple misunderstanding with the stage direction.........my copy of the script clearly stated 'enter juliet from the rear'
Nov 29 2006 7:49PM
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The_Oakley_Kid
Posts: 3128 - Karma: 179
what the difference between a brand new porchse and 11 dead babies???







I don't have a porchse in my garage
Nov 29 2006 7:57PM
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BigRodRiley
Posts: 1265 - Karma: 36
funniest joke here HAHAh
Nov 29 2006 7:59PM
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chairdawg
Posts: 1422 - Karma: 36
hahaha thats amazingly funny
Nov 29 2006 8:02PM
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snarky
Posts: 498 - Karma: 13
what do you call a black mine flying a plane?








A pilot you racist bastards.
Nov 29 2006 8:22PM
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snarky
Posts: 498 - Karma: 13
*man
Nov 29 2006 8:23PM
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jalokim1
Posts: 50 - Karma: 11
What do you call a fag with an erection?
Homoerectus.
Nov 29 2006 8:30PM
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max.
Posts: 2022 - Karma: 12
whats the difference between a blonde and a misquito?
a misquito stops sucking when you slap it

what do you call a blonde with ponytails?
a blowjob with handles

Nov 29 2006 8:32PM
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TheQuailman
Posts: 7382 - Karma: 147
wat type of bees make milk?

boo-bees
Nov 29 2006 8:39PM
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truckerhucker
Posts: 656 - Karma: 32
dude who even cares shut up and read the jokes
Nov 29 2006 8:42PM
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TheQuailman
Posts: 7382 - Karma: 147
but seriously...

a father says to his son, "if u masterbate too mush you'll go blind"
and the kid says, "dad, im over here"

and i love this thread
Nov 29 2006 8:43PM
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Ski^^bum
Posts: 189 - Karma: 26
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Nov 29 2006 8:45PM
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snarky
Posts: 498 - Karma: 13
whats the difference between a woman during her period and a terrorist?

you can negotiate with a terrorist

what do you call a sky diving lawyer?

skeet
Nov 29 2006 8:47PM
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Geoff.
Posts: 2378 - Karma: 12
what do you call a blonde with pigtails?
a blowjob with handles
whast the diffrence between a bowling ball and a blonde?
you can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball
Nov 29 2006 8:54PM
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uncleclimax
Posts: 76 - Karma: 41
Q: what do you call a line of mexicans around a house?
A: a spicket fence

Q: what do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection
A: Quarter-pounder with cheese
Nov 29 2006 9:06PM
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truckerhucker
Posts: 656 - Karma: 32
A really small skinny guy is sitting at a bar staring at his drink then suddenly a big guy comes and sits down beside quickly gulping down the skinny guys drink. the skinny guy imeaditally starts crying his eyes out.the big guy says dude whats the big deal I'll buy you another drink.The skinny guy says "thats not the problem today has been the worst day of my life. I broke my dick having sex with my wife my alarm didnt go off for work this morning I got a speeding ticket on my way to work, at work I got fired for coming in late when I got outside my car had been stolen when I got home I found my wife with another man and when I was about to end it all you drank my poison.
Nov 29 2006 9:10PM
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SilkyJohnson
Posts: 673 - Karma: 43
those are funny
Nov 29 2006 10:11PM
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9o2mdkNamzz1_1
Posts: 2113 - Karma: 10
HAHAHA YES! that one is really good.
Nov 29 2006 10:38PM
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Badfish2
Posts: 3453 - Karma: 21
good one
Nov 29 2006 11:05PM
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CMF
Posts: 1918 - Karma: 16
wow did you make that up yourself? you're so fucking funny! way to make a crack about a controversial movie from 12 months ago.
Nov 29 2006 11:25PM
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skiEER
Posts: 4089 - Karma: 79

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"



What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.


Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.



A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"



The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!



A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."



As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.


A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

Nov 29 2006 11:28PM
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jKutcher
Posts: 3936 - Karma: 4,260
Q: those were all good but do you wanna hear a real joke?

A: Women rights
Nov 29 2006 11:52PM
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El.Capitan
Posts: 654 - Karma: 11
What do you call 300 Mexicans running down a hill?
JAILBREAK!

Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low?
She thought it was Diet Coke

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back

These are a little dark:
"Mommy Mommy! I hate my sister's guts!"
"Shut up and eat what's in front of you."

"Mommy mommy! Daddy's going out!"
"Shut up and pour more gasoline."

"Mommy mommy! I'm walking in circles!"
"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."


Nov 30 2006 12:20AM
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