Start of a South Park Script I wrote. could i get some thoughts on this

Act one

Scene One

Stan, Kyle, Cartmen, and Kenny are at the bus stop playing with action figures.

Cartmen hits Kyle’s action figure with his: BAM your dead.

Kyle: What why?

Cartmen: Because the Jews can’t fight wars.

Stan: What the hell are you talking about Cartmen?

Cartmen: Ahem every war in history.

Kyle: Shut up Cartmen you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Cartmen: Yes I do. Rome war Jews slaves, World War 2 Jews Camps, Middle East hasn’t stopped fighting in thousands of year Jews.

Kyle: Cartmen just stop it now before it gets way out of hand.

Kenny:?
Butters runs on to scene: Hey guys you got to try this!

Stan: What is it?

Butters: Well it’s a candy bar that I got from that guy in the van.

Kyle: What kind of candy bar?

Butters: Some foreign kind I guess the guy didn’t speak no American.

Kyle: You mean he can’t speak English?

Butters: Yeah.

Cartmen grabs the candy bar from

Butters: Let me try. (He eats it)

Butters: Hey…

Cartmen: WOW that’s the best candy bar I have ever had.

Butters: I wanted to eat that. Now I don’t have any money for another one.

Cartmen: If those candy bars were sold in stores they would sell out. (Pauses for a moment.) You guys oh my god. We should buy all the candy bars off of that guy in the van and sell them our self’s, and we could make millions.

Stan: With what I only have a dollar.

Kyle: Yeah I don’t have any money either.

Cartmen: Hmm….

Kyle: Cartmen what are you thinking of doing?

Cartmen: Nothing… Butter’s here is a dollar go to that guy in the van again and buy another candy bar.

Butters: Really wow gee thanks Cartmen.

Cartmen: Any time.

Butters goes over to the van: Hi there mister can I get another candy bar.

Guy in Van: See.
While the Butters gives the man the money Cartmen hopes in back of the Van and steals the boxes of candy bars.

Stan: Cartmen is an asshole.

Kyle: Oh yeah.

End scene one. Cut to Commercials.

Scene Two Act Two.

Cartmen is in the school yard with a
stand set up: Come one come all and try THE best candy bars in the world.

Kid: I want one.

Cartmen: That will be two dollars.

Kid: What no way.

Cartmen: Fine then you can’t get to eat the best and most awesomeness candy bar in the whole wide world then.

Kid: Ok here. (Hands Cartmen two dollars and eats the candy bar.) Wow that is really good I want another one!
A line forms at the stand.

Kenny: ?

Stan: Yeah it’s just a candy bar what is the big deal. I’m going to go get one.

Cartmen: Why hello Stan… Care to try the best Candy Bar in the world?

Stan: Yes I do.

Cartmen: That will be two dollars.

Stan: Fine here. (Stan eats the candy bar.) That is really good wow.

Cartmen: I know I’m going to be rich from selling them. I have already sold out of the first batch.

Kyle: You can’t get rich from them your are already sold out. How are you going to get more of them?

Cartmen: I will find that guy in the van again.

Cut to the Guy in the Van

Cartmen walks up to the front of the van: Hi there I would like to buy all your candy bars.

Guy in van: See

Cartmen: How much do you want for them all?

Guy in van: See

Cartmen: Give me the candy bars!

Guy in van hands one candy bar.

Cartmen throws it to the ground: No god damn it I want all of them.

Guy in Van: See.

Cartmen: Do I have to do every thing my self. (He walks out of scene and comes back with a stick in his hand and hits the guy in the van over the head and steals all the boxes of candy bars from him.)

Cut back to School yard and candy stand with a long line.

Stan: Where are those candy bars from?

Kyle: I don’t know, we should go ask the guy in the van and find out why they are so good.

Kenny: mumble yeah.

End scene two.